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Six Pack and a Cuban Glass One: Heineken

2023.11.27 00:00 InfernoAA Six Pack and a Cuban Glass One: Heineken

Six Pack and a Cuban Glass One: Heineken
Kurt Angle. Chris Benoit. Edge. Rey Mysterio. Eddie Guerrero. Chavo Guerrero. Six names that forever live on in SmackDown’s legacy. Despite already being gems across America, Mexico and Japan in the 90’s till the Attitude Era’s collapse, this group of then 30-or-so year-olds were only just breaking the ice with their capabilities come 2002. Incredible workhorses with unmatched chemistry, their legendary rivalries throughout the Ruthless Aggression period following the first draft redefined the quality of weekly wrestling in WWE. Channelling that genius into World Championships and Hall of Fame careers, they’re evidence of how a well-built foundation for a brand can not only turn six pillars into megastars, but also everyone else they touch, the likes of John Cena, Brock Lesnar, and more all blossoming alongside the beloved sextet. In a world where SmackDown’s one lifeline is withering away, the FOX deal almost over, it’s more prudent than ever to recapture that old-school magic and erect a new generation of stars to carry the Blue Brand for years to come, so folks, strap yourselves in and get comfortable as you’re delivered a very special screening of…

The New SmackDown Six.

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To see who we’ll be dealing with across this booking, let’s take a look at the central characters of it all:
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In some ways, Finn Balor has followed in the footsteps of Chris Benoit. Starting out getting his break in NJPW initially as the successor to Benoit’s Pegasus Kid gimmick, he soon rose to fame as an accomplished Junior, racking up all of the IWGP Junior Heavyweight Championship, Best of the Super Juniors, and Super J-Cup much like the Rabid Wolverine. Ruthlessly heading BULLET CLUB like the Canadian’s equivalent of the Four Horsemen, he’d eventually realise his dreams of holding World Championship gold, only to have it ripped away one day later like Benoit in WCW. Ever since, he’s scorched the Earth with that chip on his shoulder, recording an impressive Grand Slam resume and striking up another group in Judgement Day, only for that very group to cast him to the jackals like The Radicalz did to Benoit, leaving him homeless yet still thirsty for glory in order to be recognised as anything other than the one-pump chump former World Champion.
Senor in the Bank Damian Priest may have brought down the hammer on Balor’s time ruling over RAW, completing his takeover of the group alongside Dominik Mysterio, Rhea Ripley, and associate Drew McIntyre, but Finn got the last laugh at WrestleMania 40 by triumphing in a barbaric No Holds Barred match over his former partner to redeem his WrestleMania loss the year prior. Now, as the dust settles, he’s onto greener pastures with loyal son JD McDonagh remaining his side, Balor eager to conquer SmackDown in the year of 2024 and redeem all those close calls at the top.
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Contrary to how it all goes down in real life, Latino World Order takes a much different direction following Crown Jewel. Though a clear rift exists between Santos Escobar and former United States Champion Rey Mysterio, Santos mourns Mysterio’s loss to Logan Paul with the group despite ‘inadvertently’ causing it. With Rey needing to take time off for knee surgery, naturally Escobar sees his opportunity to fill Mysterio’s role as leader, only for Carlito to be entrusted with the position. Jealous sparks fly and though Escobar lets Carlito remain substitute leader on paper, he follows his own authority in the next months, blatantly disobeying orders yet remaining unpunishable due to the success he alone is bringing them. And after all, his father’s the Head of Mexico’s Wrestling Commission, leaving Santos practically untouchable.
Devolving more and more into his sadistic ways of old, he begins behaving like a huntsman as he cruelly takes out members of the roster, even choosing to remask and return to his “King Cuerno” name, believing he should be treated like royalty all while keeping the front that he’s doing this in order to make Lucha Libre culture respected again. It goes to the extent of him even carrying around a black strap version of his old Cruiserweight Championship, declaring himself the titleholder despite it not being recognised, and going on to defend the belt against all-comers. Realising he’s lost all control of Cuerno, Carlito finally loses his cool, telling him to stop this nonsense and fall in line, but Cuerno spits an apple in his face in response, resulting in a gruelling match at Elimination Chamber where Cuerno triumphs over him!
But Cuerno doesn’t ever stop there, does he? Just as it seems LWO is about to fall to pieces, Cuerno teasing striking Carlito with his Cruiserweight Title, a returning Mysterio runs out for the… save? Before Rey can even reach the ring, a chuckling Cuerno drops his belt and instead offers a handshake to Carlito, who, although confused at the mercy, yields, prompting Cuerno to lead a roll-call of the reunited and stronger-than-ever faction to welcome back their true leader. Of course, someone as cerebral as Cuerno is always two steps ahead though and it quickly becomes evident he doesn’t want LWO dead because he wants the throne to himself. Bringing out a returning Konnan with him, who endorses the younger, more capable Cuerno, he challenges Rey for the group’s leadership at WrestleMania, offering to sweeten the deal with his own title on the line as compensation for the US Title debacle.
Carlito seems uncertain but Mysterio takes it as a friendly offer mediated by his good friend Konnan, and one contract signing later, they’re in Philadelphia where Rey got his international break in ECW, now squaring off in a battle of the past and the present. Cuerno goes the whole nine yards channelling his Latino Heat, coming out in a low-rider and channelling tactics that’d make Eddie Guerrero proud, but ultimately, he’s merciless too, winning with three consecutive Thrill of the Hunts to claim his throne, and all Mysterio can do is watch himself become a victim of changing times. Now, as leader of the group like Eddie all those years ago, Konnan serving as his official new manager, his first order is to rebuild. With Carlito, Joaquin Wilde, and Cruz del Toro being shaken-up to RAW, Cuerno has a blank canvas to work with as he makes Lucha Libre great again.
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But he’s not the only one who sinks back to his Lucha Underground roots. Considering the sheer stardom he held before coming to WWE, Ricochet’s time on the main roster has been a sad tale of unfulfilled promises, all that incredible athletic ability only amounting to two forgettable midcard title reigns. He’s living that Chavo Guerrero life of irrelevancy. After having his manhood stripped from him by Logan Paul at SummerSlam and being concussed recently in yet another failure to get back up the hill, the One and Only disappears for a while, needing to clear his head after having been dropped on it. In that time away, vignettes air showing Ricochet questioning who he really is, feeling as though he’s lost all identity since his WWE arrival. Incapable of even showing his face anymore, not a single video features him facing the camera, but after weeks of training to return to his peak form, he finally does turn around. Only now, there’s a familiar mask covering him. He doesn’t utter a word but from the look in his eyes it’s clear – in order to achieve greatness again, he must become Prince Puma once more.
He doesn’t reappear immediately though. Rather, he picks his spot very carefully, a revenge plot brewing in the front of his mind. So, come WrestleMania’s Night One opener, a Ladder match for Logan Paul’s United States Championship, it’s announced by Nick Aldis before the bell rings that there’s been one more competitor added to the match. Introducing SmackDown’s newest member, Prince Puma! Logan’s face understandably drops as Puma makes a beeline for him, devoting his match not to winning the title but ruining the man who stole his dignity, ensuring Logan doesn’t leave with the belt no matter what. And he’s successful, putting Paul through a table off a ladder with a 630 Senton, putting their heated rivalry to an end while LA Knight unhooks the belt in the background, getting his own special moment. Here’s to a bright future for the rechristened Puma…
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Booyaka Booyaka Dra-gon-Lee. Quite possibly one of the greatest Cruiserweights in the world today, at only 28 he’s an uncanny equivalent to what Mysterio was to SmackDown back in the day, currently the same age as Rey was when he first signed to WWE and became part of the Six. Though his first year in WWE hasn’t been anything quite so insane aside from dazzling the world in some brilliant showcases of his gift, the world’s his oyster when it comes to only the fourth wrestler to win gold across NJPW, ROH, and CMLL. An already sparkling championship resume to the name of 2014’s WON Rookie of the Year, the brother of Dralistico and RUSH is destined for greatness in the years ahead, especially after being involved in the Final Two struggle against LA Knight in WrestleMania’s US Ladder match, perhaps due to rub shoulders more with Prince Puma after a few exchanges between the two on the Grandest Stage.
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There was once a time when the name Pete Dunne was feared in locker rooms. A no-nonsense, cold-blooded killer that ruled BritWres with an iron fist for the better part of the past decade, snapping fingers and breaking bones from the moment he hit puberty, that fire has been forgotten for the most part over the past couple years. Though a valuable asset to The Brawling Brutes, Sheamus’s Career vs Title victory over GUNTHER in WrestleMania 40 Night One’s main event is evidence that Pete’s chapter as Butch has reached its end, having seen his friend to Grand Slam success, marking now as the perfect time to move on and seek his own glory. A true prodigy with an unrivalled understanding of technical wrestling much like Kurt Angle once was to his pack, Perc Dunne is here to pop that mouthpiece back in, reclaim his old name, and once more assert himself as the most dominant man in the business.
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Invincible isn’t just a nickname for Ilja Dragunov, but rather, a way of life. In times when all hope seems lost like having to vacate the NXT United Kingdom Championship due to injury and subsequently watch NXT UK die a painful death from the sidelines, the Mad Russian comes back better than ever with his crimson eyes on redemption. Winning the NXT Championship one year later and carrying it to Stand & Deliver through armies of challengers, he’s had his resolve tested like none before in his 7 months of glory, and still, he walks out the other end with a grin accompanying that sickly red chest of his. Though the gold is now behind him and around the waist of Wes Lee, there remains a world of untapped potential for what Dragunov is capable of doing on the main roster, and lucky for him, he just so happens to be on SmackDown’s radar for post-WrestleMania callup season. Strapped with the same charisma, babyface fire, and endurance an untested Edge burst onto the scene with in 2002, it’s time for Ilja to ascend to Czardom again just as he’s done in every single place he’s been.
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Now, onto the story…
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Cold open on the SmackDown after WrestleMania 40. There stands Cody Rhodes, not-so-beautiful Universal and WWE Championships slung over his shoulders. He’s done it. He’s slain the beast. He’s become the acknowledged. He’s the unified World Champion. It’s time for a period of reform on SmackDown he says. No more Bloodline shenanigans ruling over all. And to symbolise this new era, he’s retiring the belt most synonymous with The Tribal Chief, the Universal Championship, and bringing back the WWE Championship to the forefront of the Blue Brand just like the good old days. Unsurprisingly, this catches the attention of AJ Styles, who saunters out with his OC boys, claiming to have built this house Cody sleeps in. He wouldn’t have had a roof in Japan if not for the Phenomenal One, nor would he have had one here. As the gatekeeper of all things blue, he wants to be Cody’s first challenger in this new era.
Of course, he’s not the only one drawn to the gold. A crabby Finn Balor just as well wants to make an immediate impact (ha) in his new home, but more than that, can’t stand for the disrespect Rhodes has shown to the one belt that makes his career relevant. His Universal Championship, treated like utter garbage, that too by the white knight who consistently remained a thorn in his side over on RAW. As JD McDonagh mimes his every action as the perfect stunt double, Balor steps to his fellow ex-BULLET CLUB alumni and points those finger guns of his. It’s an Irish Standoff and There Will Be Blood. Taking both men’s interests into account, Nick Aldis sets up a massive main event for two weeks’ time between Balor and Styles to add to their saga, the winner advancing to a very French Backlash against the Codeine.
Elsewhere, new United States Champion LA Knight is being furiously jacked off by a train of “YEAH!” chants. He’s got shoes of a champion, a million-dollar smile, and is the greatest of America. Holding a championship celebration befitting of that status, it’s a jolly time as old friends like Ted DiBiase join in, toasting to Knight’s success. He’s all too wrapped in mirth to realise however that the grinch is two paces away from him, a certain Butch hopping the barricade to unleash a sickeningly calculated beating on all that is LA! There’s a different demeanour to this Butch though, dressed in a singlet and bearing the eyes of a mobster. As he drills Knight with a Bitter End onto the belt, it becomes clear that this is not Butch but Pete Dunne himself! There’s no wasted aggression to this man as he calmly settles in his corner of the ring, licking his lips, watching Knight compose himself. These two were meant to main event tonight for the belt but Dunne runs on his own schedule, and just as Knight gets to his feet again to hear the bell ringing, he’s dropped again just as quick, another merciless Bitter End instantly ripping the gold from around Knight’s waist. The gravy train has left the station my friends – LA Knight is but a figment of an old SmackDown, to be shuffled over to RAW.
Cut now to our sacred Emperor, King Cuerno. Stood in the shadows of backstage but don’t mistake this murderer for a wallflower. Rather, he’s surveying an old acquaintance doing pull-ups and stretches off to the side. Prince Puma, still wearing the scars of a ladder war, hasn’t yet forgotten the virtues of being United States Champion. Entered into an upcoming #1 Contender’s 4-Way for a shot at Dunne contested between himself, Dragon Lee, JD McDonagh, and a mystery competitor, he sees this chance to break free and wills to take it. Though Cuerno lingers out of view, his new associate does not, Konnan strutting over to Puma with a smile. He claps him on the shoulder and asks how his old buddy is though Puma remains silent, eyes of surprise telling enough of the story, not having seen this man in 7 years. Shaking his head and chuckling, he quips that Puma was always better off leaving the talking to Konnan, wasn’t he? He simply wants to wish an old pal happy hunting in the 4-Way, though leans in right after to whisper something in Puma’s ear before walking away, Puma conflicted.
Nevermind that because the 4-Way’s here! With Pete Dunne stoically watching from the commentary booth, a car-crash spectacle between four speedsters plays out before him, a highly fitting when ILJA DRAGUNOV revealed as the surprise entrant to the bout, right away barrelling over fierce rival JD with a Torpedo Moskau! McDonagh’s on sing street for the majority of the bout as everyone seems to want to get their licks in on him, Ilja for obvious reasons, Lee for having lost to him in JD’s NXT swansong, and Puma for the sake of not being left out. The furious frenzy soon cycles back to the exact way it started once Puma nails a 630 Senton on Dragon Lee, JD hurling Puma out only to find a H-Bomb raining down on his neck when he tries to cover the Dragon, Ilja pinning McDonagh to earn the shot! Pointing over to Dunne with a grin, for a brief moment the slightest bit of emotion washes ashore on Pete’s face as he realises the perils which await him, but he steels his gaze all the same and thrusts his belt high, standing his ground. As for the men watching from a backstage monitor, Cuerno and Konnan, they scoff to each other that there’s work to be done.
Unfortunately for the third man depicted in the backdrop of Ilja and Dunne’s staredown, JD, he gets no breaks as he staggers woozily to ringside with Balor for the main event. He’s a nervous wreck standing by his idol, expecting Finn to be pissy about his loss but Balor seems to not even be aware the match happened, giving JD an apathetic pat on the back when he comes to confess. Confused yet relieved, he certainly makes the most of his opportunity watching Balor wrestle a masterclass against AJ, shouting random encouragement and doing his best to serve the now redundant Judgement Day role. It makes no difference though as after 25 intense minutes, AJ shockingly drops Finn with an Avalanche Styles Clash to take the clean win! Of course, now Balor’s vexed, his pride pissed all over, but he dusts himself off and leaves promptly all the same, refusing to let the shame fester publicly.
The following week, Puma’s again busy at training when he feels a pair of shadows creep up on him. Though Konnan catches Puma’s eye, so does the man beside him – none other than King Cuerno – who gets close and personal himself with the man he knew from a temple many years ago. He watched Puma’s performance last week, he saw him come seconds away from victory, but all he could think the entire time was how it wasn’t Puma he watching, but still Ricochet. The Puma he remembers was a warrior who survived even the most impossible of predicaments, and you know why? Because he had Konnan to coach him every step of the way. Right now, Cuerno’s on the cusp of building an empire alongside Konnan and Mysterio. He hopes Puma will make the right choice and join them…
He's not the only one left to ponder over such words however, as later in the night the LWO come across Dragon Lee on standby for a backstage interview with Cathy Kelley ahead of a singles match with McDonagh. Before it can ever take off, Cuerno snatches Cathy’s mic away and shoos her off as he runs the same spiel by Lee, coaxing him with the possible heights he could reach by Cuerno’s side, urging him to think about it. Invitation lingering on his mind, Lee waltzes out to settle his grudge with McDonagh. And just like their NXT match, it’s an explosive bombfest with McDonagh getting to better show off some of his charm after getting whooped in the 4-Way, now incorporating notes from Balor’s clash against Styles. A losing strategy in one match will be a losing one in another too though, one Bicycle Knee later having JD looking up at the lights again. Despondent, his jaw only drops further when he realises the slow claps at ringside from Balor aren’t for him, Finn wearing an impressed expression. Needing a segue onto the Backlash card after being snubbed from the main event, he extends an invitation to Dragon to tango, who accepts without hesitation!
Backlash (May 4, 2024)
Finn Balor vs Dragon Lee
The first of many bouts certain to happen between this world’s main characters, this short yet fiery barnburner between two of NJPW’s former Junior Heavyweights sets the bar high instantly. Commentary drumming up the story of how it was Balor who convinced Lee to actually sign with WWE in the first place, it’s a bit of an idol/student dynamic here, Dragon having first started wrestling right as Balor was on his way out of New Japan after 1000+ days of ruling their division as Junior Champion. Inspired by the Irishman, he undoubtedly draws jealousy out of a watching JD, Lee holding his own rather well against the far more experienced veteran, who shows no mercy even with Dragon’s connection to him. Alas, it’s the aggression which does Finn well, stomping Lee in with a Coup de Grace before giving him a subtle nod of acknowledgement as he gets the pin!
Finn Balor def. Dragon Lee in 12:34
Pete Dunne (c) vs Ilja Dragunov - United States Championship
As for the main attraction though, there’s no need for introductions for what Dunne and Dragunov are to do to one another here. Notorious for their European tenacity, Pete’s first test as champion is built around Dragunov’s inability to overcome his rival throughout their history, sitting 0-2 against the fellow ex-UK Champion. The Bruiserweight maintains the ice to Dragunov’s fire, methodically breaking down his digits and folding him like laundry with a ring apron X-Plex, but Ilja bounces back by absorbing a Liger Bomb to crush Dunne with a Lariat! The worked over arm gives his troubles but Dragunov keeps his head, a H-Bomb attempt though ending in Pete catching him in a Triangle Choke! Looking to finish Ilja off the same way he did in Wembley as he goes to snap the fingers, Dragunov instead stacks the shoulders this time, only for Pete to reverse the flash pin into his own to nab 3, retaining by the narrowest of margins! Dragunov’s shocked, solemn even, but Pete walks away shrugging his shoulders with his belt dangling between his teeth, having done his job.
Pete Dunne (c) def. Ilja Dragunov in 17:27
Elsewhere on the undercard, Prince Puma is in fact set up for a match against LWO’s Rey Mysterio! Accompanied only by Konnan, Cuerno seemingly having other business, the One and Only’s put to the test here by one of his iconic rivals on Cuerno’s orders, wanting to give him a showcase for his talents and prove he can hang with the LWO folk. Capturing the electricity of the old Puma/Mysterio matches, the Prince comes out on top here as Konnan applauds him, even raising his hand. Puma doesn’t protest, Lucha Underground nostalgia hitting him, but there remains an ambiguous look in his eyes regarding their invite to the group, and that’s only exacerbated by the main event’s aftermath.
Once Cody’s left the ring after a beautiful retention over SmackDown’s gatekeeper, AJ Styles is given a standing ovation as the copyright logo pops on screen. He’s an old dog now and there may not be another main event like this left in him. And as he takes his graceful bows, that reality only becomes clearer when Cuerno suddenly slides out from under the ring and bashes his Cruiserweight Title over AJ’s head! Murdering him with a Thrill of the Hunt, the show fades on Cuerno standing over the legend. A sign of the times, perhaps?
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Crazy month. Though World War 3 level atrocities are happening left and right, all that gets put on hold with the King of the Ring Tournament coming up. A 16-man edition building to a RAW vs SmackDown Final at the Saudi PPV itself, competitors are quicker to line up than Kirk at the brothel, all extending their claims at the gold, all of Balor, Cuerno, Dunne, and Dragunov entering, while Orton goes sicko mode on Cody to cut the line in title contention. Notably, Prince Puma and Dragon Lee keep themselves busy a different way. Both somewhat irked by Cuerno’s Backlash-closing antics, instead they want a shot at the belt he’s been hefting around, feeling as though they can make it big without needing to conscribe to his deplorable tactics. As such, a wild Best of Five Series is made between the two, with the final match set for the PPV, the winner set to challenge Cuerno for the strap! Both challenges running side-by-side, our protagonists find themselves in a wild bracket draw indeed:
Finn Balor vs Cameron Grimes
Pete Dunne vs Ilja Dragunov
Montez Ford vs King Cuerno
GUNTHER vs JD McDonagh
Though he came up short against AJ last month, Balor’s on a 2 PPV win streak and he absolutely parlays that into another chase at the World Title, coming across Grimes in the first round in a Happy Feet extravaganza. Stomps abound, it’s the Coup de Grace that wins out as JD watches Balor in awe, having entered himself in the hopes of impressing and meeting his mentor in SmackDown’s Final. As much as Dunne figured he could leave business between him and Dragunov behind them, Ilja starts to become a bit of a gnat to him, hellbent on beating the Bruiserweight. A violent Backlash rematch sees both try to KO each other multiple times throughout, only to end in a DQ when Dunne violates the 5 count on letting up on Ilja in the corner, frustrated at his refusal to stay down! KOTR Crown be damned, Pete drills his rival with a Bitter End, spits on him, and walks out.
Though seeming like a walk in the park at first for the LWO leader, Ford vs Cuerno is a true tournament sleeper hit. Adamant to make King Tez more than just a moniker, Montez gives Cuerno one hell of a surprising run for his money in the anti-gravity field, forcing the huntsmen to work for his kill, though the King takes the crown all the same. As for the big money match, JD’s walked right into a suicide mission in his desperation to gain Balor’s favour, yet even as the cowardly dog he’s been lately, he gives GUNTHER hell. As one of rare people to have actually beaten the man previously, he summons sparks of his old OTT self but it soon becomes clear he’s just not all that anymore. One Powerbomb later and there’s a McDonagh-shaped hole in the canvas, dead, all while Balor looks right past him at GUNTHER.
Going from fighting spirit to mired in controversy, all the bad blood swept under carpets bubbles to the surface in the Quarter Finals, first in Balor’s match against Dragunov. Walking into the match already hurt from having to fend off Dunne backstage, Ilja remains determined to redeem his Worlds Collide loss to Balor but really, it was over from the moment he walked out. Spiked on his head with a Bloody Sunday, Dragunov eats dirt as Dunne sneers at the handiwork he helped mould. On the other end, a surprising dream clash between LWO’s Leader and IMPERIUM’s Leader turns out to be quite the instant classic, Cuerno arrogantly trying to prove himself better than Mysterio by outdoing the Master of the 619’s performance against the Ring General long ago. No matter what he tries though, he just can’t stick it to GUNTHER, and an appearance from a bandaged AJ Styles on the apron makes that even less easy, Cuerno getting bodied by a match-ending chop for GUNTHER to advance, setting the stage for a number of big money matches at KOTR!
King of the Ring (June 8, 2024)
Dragon Lee vs Prince Puma [Best of Five Series Finale]
In the best display either man has had yet of their talents since arriving to the main roster, the weekly saga between Lee and Puma predictably goes right down to the wire, with Dragon picking up match one, Puma the next two, then Lee to tie it up into here. One final push results in a genius Cruiserweight battle of one-upmanship, Puma pushing the ball with innovation and Lee surprising him by keeping up every damn time. Having become savvy to each other’s tactics, it becomes nigh impossible for either to nail their finishers, so when they end up flying smack dab into each other, colliding in the centre of the ring, they simply collapse out of exhaustion, unable to meet the 10 count and thus going to a draw!
Dragon Lee and Prince Puma fight to a draw in 16:02
Pete Dunne (c) vs Ilja Dragunov - United States Championship [Steel Cage]
These two have been uncontainable since Backlash. Like radioactive uranium sourced directly from Chernobyl, these two volatile elements ceaselessly have carried their fights everywhere, brawling every single week in some shape or form. In need of some way to lock them up in an asylum together, a Steel Cage becomes the best bet for their animosities, Dunne and Dragunov delivering a hard-to-watch smashmouth epic. Pete uses the steel to try rip Ilja’s fingers off while Dragunov mashes and grates his head against the walls like a madman. Eventually, Ilja manages to trap Dunne in the ropes, going hell on his chest with chops, before firing up a TORPEDO MOSKAU THAT SENDS BOTH MEN THROUGH THE CAGE WALL!!! Spilling to the floor in a brutal bump, though it’s Ilja to his feet first, it’s Dunne who hit the floor before him, retaining on a technicality once more!
Pete Dunne (c) def. Ilja Dragunov in 20:10
Finn Balor vs GUNTHER - King of the Ring Semi Final
The match the world has held its breath in fervent anticipation for since 2020 becomes reality here as the two best European talents in WWE meet for the very first time. McDonagh does his best to give Balor advice from his own experiences of fighting and beating GUNTHER but Finn doesn’t seem to want to listen, even telling JD to stay backstage and let Balor handle this himself. Biting his nails, the Irish Ace can do nothing but listen as GUNTHER predictably introduces Finn to the real definition of Hell, stunning the Prince with the most brutal strikes he’s ever felt in his life despite thinking he knows all about Strong Style. It’s ugly, really, even as Balor returns a pretty decent fight of his own, and once the Gojira Clutch is locked in, it’s all over. Though Finn refuses to tap at first, quickly turning purple, JD finally runs out to give his support but it means nothing as he relives his own nightmare from fighting GUNTHER the first time, Balor finally submitting! Jesus wept.
GUNTHER def. Finn Balor to advance in 17:25
There’s truly no stopping GUNTHER as he goes on to murder Sami Zayn in the Finals later that night, bagging him a World Title shot at a PPV of choice, while Cuerno manages to put the kill on AJ just as well with his “Cruiserweight Title” on the line, harkening back to some X-Division type beat. Luckily for Cody, he leaves KOTR not with a broken crown after surviving an Angle/Shane-esque Street Fight against Orton to retain the belt, but maybe that wasn’t the best choice as…
_
Balor’s down bad for the World Title. He got snubbed by AJ and humiliated by GUNTHER, but now his smoke and mirrors (woah) are beginning to clear and the type of man he is becomes all the more evident. Barely hanging onto his cool, he gets right in the bloodied and bruised Cody’s face the next SmackDown to demand next, and when Rhodes insinuates there’s still a line he needs to follow, Balor draws his own line out of Cody’s blood, reopening his fresh wounds on the steel steps with a Bloody Sunday, declaring that Cody’s gold will be his. At the same time, another violent regime continues to be realised as Dragunov’s even more pissed at how victory over Dunne’s evaded him once more. No longer caring about the belt but more about principle, he returns favour for Pete’s attacks with one of his own despite Aldis telling him he won’t get another shot if he does so. Much more personal here, Ilja challenges Pete to something he can’t get lucky in anymore – 30-Minute Ultimate Submission!
Over in the LWO camp, Cuerno’s managed to rack up two new suitors in the time he put away AJ on PPV, both Dragon and Puma gunning after his gold now instead of accepting his offer for spots in LWO. He once more tries to get in their good graces, urging them to forget about this all and stand united against the terrible forces of SmackDown, but they’re not buying it. Well, that is until they’re forced to, The Club attacking all 3 men, AJ not taking any more risks when it comes to LWO! Challenging them to a Six-Man Tag, Lee and Puma begrudgingly are forced to tag with Cuerno against Styles and co., displaying surprisingly effective chemistry despite their bickering. And as Lee gets the pin on Anderson, for a second he even forgets where he is, going to celebrate with LWO, only to stop himself and remember their atrocities. An ambiguous current continuing to run between these three and their relationships with each other, it’ll all have to be settled between the ropes.
Bad Blood (June 29, 2024)
King Cuerno (c) vs Dragon Lee vs Prince Puma - “Cruiserweight Championship”
Kicking off the PPV hot, it’s a fast-paced battle yet slow-burn masterminding from the so-called champion, smartly putting both his opponents in increasingly compromising positions where they’re forced to pick his side or risk an even tougher match. Dragon Lee’s struggle continues to permeate, his mind harkening back to his glory days in La Faccion Ingobernable, knowing his brother RUSH would want him to side with Cuerno and rule the world… but he just can’t bring himself to becoming Cuerno’s pawn, making the tough choice of squandering an opportunity of helping him rid Puma from the match for good, instead attacking Cuerno! And it almost pays off once he sets up the winning Desnucadora… ONLY TO EAT A CHAIR TO THE BACK!
Stunned, he crumples to the mat, PRINCE PUMA STANDING OVER HIM! He’s made his own decision as Konnan grins wildly, all those secret talks with Puma finally speaking some sense into his old friend as he now watches Cuerno finish off Lee with the Thrill of the Hunt to retain, a new dangerous alliance formed! Not stopping just yet though, they keep up the attack on Lee post-match until Mysterio finally runs out, begging them to stop as he sees himself in the fallen Dragon, calling all of this unnecessary… BUT NOW THEY TAKE OUT REY TOO, PUMA NAILING THE 630 SENTON! All hell has broken loose as the LWO are now dead as can be, a new beginning rising from these ashes…
King Cuerno (c) def. Dragon Lee, Prince Puma in 14:28
Pete Dunne vs Ilja Dragunov [Ultimate Submission]
A barbaric tetralogy that’s defined SmackDown’s post-Tribal Chief era finally meets its climax as Pete and Ilja go at it with 30 minutes on the clock and nothing to hold them back. A sheer masterclass of not only technical wrestling but also sadism, these two torture each other with anything they deem possible. Dunne manages to submit Ilja early on by mangling the fingers, before getting another in a horrific Tequila Sunrise, only for Dragunov to start mounting a comeback once 15 minutes are down. The sleeper which helped him beat GUNTHER for the UK belt earns him a fall, before a seemingly unending Airplane Spin has Pete cave for the equaliser! Two minutes left on the clock, they simply pepper each other with strikes containing all they have left, Ilja managing to grab a last-ditch Crucifix Hold to rain down elbows to the chest that cause Pete to pass out seconds before the timer expires, finally giving the Mad Muscovite a win over Dunne!
Ilja Dragunov def. Pete Dunne 3-2 in 30:00
Unfortunately for Balor though, his title challenge isn’t all he’d hoped it’d be. Despite maintaining a surprising control over majority of the match, giving Cody a truly spine-chilling fight by hurling him through barricades, steps, and tables, even teasing stoppages at multiple points, the American Nightmare roars back with a world-class underdog performance to keep barely hanging on. With grit and stitches in his head holding the champion together, he just about eeks past Finn with a Vertebreaker, Balor looking legitimate himself in defeat, but still crushed.
_
There’s trouble in Mexico with the newfound alliance between ex-Lucha Underground OGs. Dubbing themselves “Los Cazadores Reales” (The Royal Hunters), Konnan explains that Puma realised he hadn’t been getting anywhere in years after choosing to fight alone. Konnan is family to him and so he made the right choice of returning to where he belongs. Lee and Mysterio don’t care for the sob story though, simply wanting their revenges, resulting in a thrilling Tornado Tag on TV that sees Cuerno & Puma score their first victory together over the makeshift duo! Attempting again to eliminate their competition for good post-match under Konnan’s advice and steal their masks, they come up short once Lee and Mysterio snatch the chairs from them and swing back, making sure the heels know they can’t end them that easily. As such, two major matches are set for SummerSlam, Lee challenging Cuerno for his Cruiserweight Title while Puma and Mysterio run back their Backlash match but now under Mexican Street Fight rules!
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2023.11.26 08:08 gunsloveandtentacles THE WAINLOCK GUIDE (An In-Depth Writing Guide/Character Analysis for Alistair Hammerlock and Wainwright Jakobs)

Preface

Hello! Welcome to the Wainlock guide! I'm Nikolai Jakobslock, your host and number one scholar in the ways of Borderlands old man bara. Today I will be presenting you with my Knowledge of these two silly peepaws, and how to write them; and trust me, I am qualified to speak on this topic. They do not call me the CEO of Wainlock for nothing.
DISCLAIMER 1: Certain aspects of this, especially the symbols sections, are subjective. Like all fictional characters, these two are ultimately up to interpretation. Here, I am just laying down the way I personally interpret these two, and what I can extrapolate from canon.
DISCLAIMER 2: This text assumes you have played BL3 and BL2, and have at least basic familiarity with these two. I am not going to explain the entire Borderlands lore here. Go watch EruptionFang's timeline for that, or whatever. I tried to be comprehensive, but even I have my limits.
DISCLAIMER 3: This might be a little bit incoherent because I have ADHD, which means I have a crippling addiction to writing walls of text. Also, English is not my first language. Sorry.
CONTENT WARNINGS: Usual Borderlands fare (gore, animal and human death, guns), alcohol, drugs, mentions of sexual assault, abuse, parental neglect.

Sir Alistair Hammerlock(-Jakobs)

Backstory

Hammerlock is from the planet Hermes. Not much is known, but it apparently has a thin, helium-rich atmosphere, and forests. It is ultimately up to you how you interpret this information, as we haven't visited the place yet.
It's unclear when he left home, but what is somewhat clear is that he left early and has no intentions of returning. His family is, or at least styles themselves, like a noble house; getting rich off of questionable ventures (they have what he calls "blood money") and genuinely being shady as all fuck. Additionally, his father was needlessly harsh (sending him to Pandora as a punishment for swearing in a formal environment), and his mother doesn't seem to be a good person either, considering how even Aurelia is waiting for her to die.
While he is by no means poor, he seems to live (or have lived, until he literally married into a multi trillion dollar megacorporation) in relative squalor compared to his turbo-mansion owning sister, so it's safe to say he inherited none of his family's fortune. (Not to mention how rusty and scrappy his prosthetics look.) He represents the trope of the impoverished blue-blood, as well as someone who defected from what we might consider decadence.
Hammerlock is a hunter, adventurer and gentleman. He is described as such in his very intro cards, and this has echoed through his entire character.
He has been all over the Borderlands, perhaps even all over the Six Galaxies, and seems to have a "this reminds me of..." for every situation. He worked in corporate advertising, he's seen wonders beyond imagining, he's written at least one book on the myriad creatures of the galaxy. He's befriended pretty much every Vault Hunter of note. Both Eista (a fellow hunter) and the lore book admit he has a legendary reputation.
That being said, of course, a life of adventure isn't so glamorous as it seems. He admits to having a large collection of scars from being shot, bitten and mauled so much, and there's even a line that implies he was once sexually assaulted. And of course, then there's Old Slappy.

Personality

Despite the trauma mentioned above, Alistair doesn't seem to budge from his shiny, chipper demeanor. He's probably the nicest guy on Pandora, in fact.
He's honest, kind, doesn't get angry when the player messes up a sidequest and kindly explains what you need to do.
However, he also doesn't often show explicit (negative OR positive, though mostly negative) emotion. Rarely does his steely gentleman persona - or perhaps, armor - break. The closest it gets is in either his Parting Words echolog, when he seems on the verge of crying as he says what he thinks is his last "farewell", or in the ending of Guns, Love and Tentacles, where his voice cracks TWICE as his concern for his beloved reaches its apex.
Also in that ending, he admits he "was so afraid". This is one of the only 2 times he genuinely admits fear (outside of the immensely gentlemanly and polite expression "I'm afraid I..."), and this is understandable. He's a fearless adventurer! He's not afraid of anything!
Except he is. He very much is. He just does not admit it to anyone willy nilly.
In fact, he doesn't admit much of his emotions in general. He is a stoic, the archetypal gentleman with a stiff upper lip. (This is far more pronounced in BL2 than in BL3: I choose to interpret it as Wainwright helping his beloved open up a little.) But it is a facade, and underneath is a tangled bundle of repressed emotions.
What is NOT a facade, however, is his sheer hope. Regardless of the things he's seen, he does seem to genuinely believe in the inherent goodness and kindness of people. He was willing to give Aurelia one last chance, even after all she's done.
Keep in mind to not mistake this for naivety or harmlessness, of course. Alistair is intelligent, and as bloodthirsty as you'd expect a seasoned explorer of the Borderlands to be. In fact, his thrill-seeking tendencies sometimes even teeter on the masochistic. I wouldn't be surprised if his (human) killcount was in the early triple digits.
His passion for and dedication to his life's work as a zoologist is equally admirable, and personally reminds me of the way an autistic is passionate for their special interest (because I am autistic). This is a man with a zest for life, and enough energy to power a large city for a week.

Dialogue

Alistair speaks with that typical, quintessential Received Pronunciation accent. His voice is crisp, clear, melodic.
His vocabulary is very sizable. Often will he use complex, sophisticated words, and that often ends up with his lines being overly verbose. Like, really long. I recommend picking up a thesaurus to find the fanciest synonyms you can find.
If he does swear, it's usually something light like "bloody", or a verbose/fancy version of a preexisting swear, like "fecal matter!" instead of "shit!".
Despite him talking like the Victorian English gentleman directly stolen from a steampunk novel that he is, he is not above peppering in the occasional hard swear or funny word. "I'm standing right here, dude." comes to mind. Also, I just think he should be allowed to say fuck in sufficiently emotionally charged situations.
Speaking of those, we don't really ever see him having a proper breakdown, but if he would, I think he'd just vomit a tide of half-formed word salad.

Associations, Symbols, Motifs, Etc.

This section is subjective.

What NOT to do

Wainwright Del Frisco Jakobs(-Hammerlock)

Backstory

Wainwright's homeworld is Eden-6, which is thankfully a location we can visit in game. In fact, we can even visit his ancestral home, the Jakobs Estate.
As far as we know, he has never been offworld until Alistair sort of dragged him out of his house and into the great beyond. He knows the nooks and crannies of the manor like the back of his own hand, and uses that knowledge to outrun and misdirect Troy, among other things. In a way, he is that place, - explicitly being described as a homebody.
We do not know much about his mother Margaret, but he seems to miss her dearly. His father Montgomery however... well. Ol' monty was quite neglectful. He refused to spend money to maintain certain parts of the estate, or to ensure his son had a good life. When Winny opened up about not feeling strongly about running the family business, Monty seems to have pinned the blame on his son's boyfriend, and not on his own shitty parenting.
That being said of course, it's not like Wainwright didn't go out of the house at all. ECHO logs describe him as going to bars around the basin, mingling with the "common folks", things like that. For an heir to a megacorporation, he sure is surprisingly down to earth (in stark contrast with Katagawa Jr., another corpo higher-up we meet in BL3).
Additionally, before the CoV killed everyone, the manor was full of staff and relatives and visitors. It was alive, its own microcosm of the world, and young Wainwright definitely made friends with a great many of them.
Now, they're all gone, and the manor's empty and largely unused. Decrepit, even. But he could restore it to glory.
Not to mention the mistakes his corporate predecessors have made are waiting for him there, in his office, to be unfortunately discovered...

Personality

Wainwright is a fairly simple, good ol' boy. Humble, insecure, even anxious - but also painfully stubborn (that last one is a Jakobs family trait, if a certain line is to be believed).
He is far more open about his emotions, and not just when he's drunk. Sometimes he curses like a witch, yet joyfully exclaims just how much he's glad that the Vault Hunter saved his life (thank you David Wald, you really put your whole pussy into this performance).
Speaking of drunkenness, this is a crucial part of him, and not just because he drinks whiskey a lot. At best, he's a social drinker and at worst he's drowning his sorrows.
He's somewhat grumpy, with some of that old man crankiness in him, but also not really. Preferring peace and quiet, he himself is fairly peaceful, but heavens fucking help you if you disturb him. In essence, the guy's a period piece white suit wearin' southern gentleman: charming, fine, but also fairly "stiff" or "slow". Except without the shitty parts (i.e. racism), thank god.
Wainwright is fiercely protective of his own, being prepared to sacrifice anything for them - including himself, even (back to that humbleness and insecurity, but with a selfless bent). He's also not above using underhanded tactics to get what he wants (back to that stubbornness again) from people he doesn't trust or like. He's the Wisdom to Alistair's Intelligence, if that makes any sense; he can be a little bit clueless sometimes (you're supposed to run AWAY from the glowing pit cultists are sacrificing people to, not towards it!).
For people he does trust, though - he definitely believes in fairness and kindness. Reliance, civility, honor, all that, are qualities he absolutely has even if he doesn't think so.
He's not particularly out for blood unless it's revenge related or self defense, but this being Borderlands his killcount is absolutely above 0.
Personally, I think he also has a slight epicurean or perhaps even hedonist streak, enjoying and savoring life's pleasures as they come and go, but understanding that suffering is a painful, inevitable part of life.

Dialogue

Wainwright speaks in a typical southern accent, even though Eden-6 being the Space Louisiana that it is, you'd expect a specifically Cajun accent (and to me, this man is 100% Cajun as fuck). If TvTropes is to be believed, then this is something that happens often, but y'know. His voice is warm, soft, flowin'.
Somehow, his speech strikes a perfect balance between crass and classy. He often uses wacky, flowery country metaphors and idioms, but also perfectly enunciates words like "perforate", knowing what they mean. His vocabulary is as rich as Alistair's if not more (reading a ton of books will do that, but also Monty says shit like morose ruminations, so.), he just doesn't use big words as often.
He also swears much, much more frequently. When he's drunk, or emotionally riled up, he swears up a storm. Unfortunately he never says the f word because Gearbox was too afraid to give him such power, lest his homosexuality evaporate the CoV in 5 seconds (joke).

Associations, Symbols, Motifs, Etc.

This section is subjective.

What NOT to do

Putting Them Together

General Feel

They're in love. They're so painfully, and deeply, and sweetly in love.
They met on a hunting expedition which Monty arranged (and then it bit him in the ass a little LMAO), and it kinda went from there.
Their relationship is already long-term by BL3, based on trust and communication. They are comfortable with one another, willing to be vulnerable. Opening each other up, seeing both the good and the bad, and accepting all of it.
Their loyalty towards one another is unquestionable. If one ordered the other to kill, the other would most likely not hesitate. Speaking of violence, their fighting styles are directly opposite to one another, but would actually synergize really well together.
Of course, they bicker, like any old married couple does. But it's all in good fun. If they have genuine disagreements, they talk them out like actual fucking adults, and either try to compromise or concede to the other temporarily. There's no "power dynamic" bullshit involved here (outside of a sexual context, which is not something I will cover here), just two equals.
They're very different - and both have their insecurities about this, which are explored in GL&T. But in the end, they love each other just as they are.
While the only things we canonically know they find attractive in one another are their accents and facial hair, I think a major point is the other's personality, mind, outlook on existence. They both appreciate the world and affirm life, but in different ways: Alistair with his zest and energy, Wainwright with his calmness and slow enjoyment. In my friend's words, they're each other's bitches who they pulled by being autistic. (And they definitely find each other hot and badass, let's be real here.)
Their relationship has genuinely improved their lives, from what we can see: Wainwright gained the courage to stand up to his father, Alistair started being more expressive with their emotions. Doubtlessly this extends to other areas of their lives: Alistair being provided a place to rest from his adventures, Wainwright being dragged out from his home and experiencing the wonders of the world. They even hyphenated eachother's surnames.
And, of course, Wainwright definitely uses some of his vast wealth to spoil his husband to bits. It's what he deserves, really.
They say nobody's funnier than queers, and they also say nobody's funnier than disabled people. Well these two are both of those, and they crack jokes a lot! Not like your average Borderlands character, no - their domain is actually somewhat funny (in an old person way) dry one liners and silly quips.

Dynamics and Such

Associations, Symbols, Motifs, Etc.

This section is subjective.

What NOT to do

Additional Resources

Conclusion

Thank you for reading this! I hope this will help at least one person write these two a little bit better. They're my favorite characters in the entire series, and it saddens me to see they get barely any fancontent outside of what I make. (My fics constitute 31% of their AO3 tag, for fucks sake!)
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2023.11.19 18:44 IcefoxX5 [Match Thread] Real Madrid Castilla - Algeciras CF Primera Federación, Matchday 13

FT: CASTILLA 1:2 ALGECIRAS

​

1ª FEDERACIÓN

​
Scorers/replays:
0:1 Eric Montes 12'
1:1 César Palacios 29'
1:2 Diego Esteban 37'
​
match updates:
1' - kickoff, vamos!
⚽ 12' - goal for Algeciras - ball isn't cleared well after a corner, their attacker whips in another cross, and Montes is completely free in the box to head it past Cañizares for an early lead
23' - almost the equaliser, Palacios with the corner onto Théos head, but he puts it just wide
⚽ 29' - GOLLLLL DEL CASTILLA - free kick from the right wing, Peter puts in the cross towards the penalty spot, where Palacios is open and heads the ball into the far corner!
⚽ 37' - and again Algeciras take the lead - Esteban is through on the right wing, cuts inside - Obrador is easily fooled and then just completely stops playing, and Esteban can take the open shot, past Cañizares for the 2:1
HT - poor first half from Castilla, the multitude of absences in defense is clearly noticeable and the team is very shaky - more stability is needed in the second half to take a point or more from this match
46' - 2nd half underway
60' - how is that not the 2-2? First a nice attack where Gonzalo squares it to Palacios, but he shoots it straight at the keeper, then a shot from the edge of the box by Théo that is deflected into the side netting
64' - an Algeciras shot from distance brushes the crossbar
🔄 72' - Víctor on for Lorenzo Aguado
75' - an Algeciras fan is getting escorted out of the stadium by security, with his own people hurling insults at him and chanting "tonto, tonto".. I really wonder what he did lol (edit: apparently he threw a second ball onto the pitch and made offensive gestures towards our fans)
80' - another big chance, great cross by Peter and Gonzalo can't direct it goal wards from a very short distance at the far post
🔄 86' - David on for Manuel Ángel
90' - 8 minutes on top
90'+1 - the Algeciras keeper punches the air instead of the ball and it drops onto Álvaro's head, but the header goes wide...
FT - An incredibly unfair and unnecessary loss against a very weak Algeciras team - Castilla kept on trying and insisting in the second half, but the ball just wouldn't go in. Without so many absences in defense for various reasons, and with the brilliance of Nico, I'm convinced the team would've comfortably won this match
​
Kickoff: 20:00 CET
Venue: Estadio Alfredo di Stéfano, Madrid
Referee: Juan Antonio Campos Salinas
Competition: Primera Federación, Grupo 2, Matchday 13
Viewing options: FEF TV (subscription - 9.99€/month)
​
Castilla XI (4-2-3-1): Lucas Cañizares - Rafel Obrador, Edgar Pujol, Mario Martín, Lorenzo Aguado (72' Víctor Muñoz) - Théo Zidane, Manuel Ángel (86' David González) - Gonzalo García, César Palacios, Peter Federico - Álvaro Rodríguez
Bench: Mario de Luis (GK), David Jiménez, Quique Ribes, Manu Serrano, Borja Alonso, Esteban Aparicio.
Unavailable: Álvaro Carrillo (injury), Marvelous Antolín ‘Marvel’ (injury), Raúl Asencio (suspension), Vinícius Tobias (Brazil U23 call-up), Nico Paz (Argentina U23 call-up), Noel López (?).
Coach: Raúl
​
Castilla last five matches: WDDWD
1ª RFEF stats: 10th 17pt 4-5-3 17:14
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2023.11.18 14:49 dmackay1981 Have you seen her?

How could this have happened?
I heard that a lot in the months after.
My mom whispered it as we watched the paramedics wade out of the water, stretcher carried between them. It was written in the newspaper, beneath the pictures of me and my friends, bold like an accusation. A question no-one could answer. Then once again, after the funeral, when Robbies dad slid to the floor in front of us all and just sat, head down, crying. I heard him say it as a couple of the other fathers helped him up and took him home, his broken voice fading into the distance. I remember the awkward silence that followed, nobody wanting to be first to speak until our old teacher Miss Miller said, “Christ almighty the man lost his son. What were you all expecting?”
How could this have happened?
We lived in one of the safest towns in the entire country, didn’t we? Whole population was hardly 2000 and I knew most by name, even at that age. The most heinous local crime had been perpetrated by my own blessed uncle, drunk-driving his new Chevy into parked cars on the high street.
Then everything changed in a single night.
When someone so young passes it takes a piece of those closest. If you’ve been through it you know. It makes a hole in their lives, a part of their days now waiting empty, a place in their future that can’t be filled. It makes you question yourself, question your life. If something like this could happen then maybe the world isn’t like you thought.
There is nothing quite so fragile as what we know.
*
I walked back here tonight through what remains of our town. Streets are always empty now, silent homes with dark windows. Fallen leaves clinging wet to every surface, mist so thick it soaks you through. Summers gone into autumn like wood gone to rot. I left Matthews house about an hour ago, took the hill road that winds down to the bay, moonlight filtering through the trees. You can see the whole valley on the first few turns.
The forest is reclaiming this place, branches looming over roads and abandoned homes, weeds taking back yards and driveways. Hurts to see it. I try telling myself it’s just something that happens. Towns fade away, folk leaving for a hundred different reasons. But this was our town. This was my home.
You understand?
I’m at my parents place now, if I can still call it that. They moved years ago and I’ve been trying and failing to sell it for them ever since. Not a soul is interested. Even the rare few who come to see it never call again. Whole town's the same. People just don’t want to come back.
Phone was ringing when I came in the door. I had that sinking feeling in my stomach as I reached for it, knowing it would be Matts wife Celia and knowing why.
“He’s gone.” she said, voice more tired than anything. After a moment I’d started to say her name, to say I was sorry, when she hung up and left me with the tone. I don’t blame her.
She had read about what happened to us when we were boys. And she was smart enough to realize there was more to it, more that Matt would never tell her. Took it to his grave in the end. I think she hates me for being part of the secrets that hurt him so. Don’t blame her for that either.
I put the phone down and sat watching it, waiting for something else I don’t know what. Made a coffee and let it go cold. Took my jacket off and held it in my lap, breathing heavy like I’d run a race.
Matthew gone at 59. At least I saw him before the end. What the cancer left of him anyways.
I’d known Matt since kindergarten, when we looked so alike people thought we were brothers. I thought of the 3 of us together, me and Matt and Robbie, boys with their whole lives ahead of them. Then I had to stop because the tears were stinging my eyes. That's when I started writing this, God knows why. I suppose I got a story to tell and no-one to tell it to. Honestly, I didn’t even know if I could do it. If I could finally speak about what happened, if the spell was broken. But here we are. Guess there’s no-one left to hide it from.
In the pale night outside the red and gold autumn has turned to gray and black, like the colors of day were just another dream. Leaves rush past on the wind, tiny dark shapes in the starlight. Town looks like a ghost of the place it was and that isn’t too far from the truth. Just me and those empty homes now, lying in the quiet between black hills and cold water. I must be the only person for miles but I’ll still lock the doors and keep the lights on. Still lie awake, listening.
Let me tell you why.
*
We've all had secrets, haven’t we? Even when we were only kids. Most secrets are stupid things at that age of course, things you look back on and laugh about. Mine though, that was stranger than most.
When I was 5 years old my imaginary friend saved my life.
I know I know, stupid. Just give me a minute here. She was the same age as myself, short dark hair and olive skin, bright eyes and a flash of a smile. She came to my bedroom window and would sit on the ledge swinging her feet. We whispered to each other so my parents didn’t hear, talking till the sun sank and air grew cold. I never saw her anywhere else and never even knew her name. In my head she was always just “the girl”. From my earliest memories of her I understood she wasn’t a person like me. I saw her vanish once after leaving through the window, disappearing before her feet touched the grass, and accepted this as only a young child can. That line between reality and fantasy hadn’t yet hardened with age.
How long had I known her? What did we talk about? I don’t honestly know. How much do you remember from that age? First time I can recall details of one of her visits? The fire in 68.
My parents were away for the night so I was staying with my aunt and uncle. They had no kids of their own so I got a sleeping bag in the spare room. The girls voice woke me in the dark of the night. I know I wasn’t scared, just a little surprised seeing her anywhere other than my room. But there she was, sat on the floor like it was the most normal thing in the world.
“Get up Jamie,” she whispered, “quickly!”
I remember sitting, rubbing at my eyes. I coughed and realized there was a smell of smoke in the air.
“There is a fire downstairs. You need to get out.”
I heard the crackle of the flames, saw the light of the blaze shining onto the lawn outside.
“Quickly Jamie, the back door.”
I ran to the hall, started shouting my aunt and uncle and pushed open their bedroom door. Truth be told it’s all a blur after that. I recall seeing my aunt sit up in bed, heard my uncle shout, a crash from downstairs and all of us coughing, my eyes stinging and a blast of heat before rushing into chill night air.
The three of us made it alright but it was too late for the house, not even the arrival of the fire department could save it. I didn’t find out what caused the fire till years later. Seems my uncle had too much to drink, started cooking something then forgot about it and went to bed. Would be a lie to say it wasn’t like him.
My parents collected me in the morning and a colder atmosphere between family I have never felt. It was the final straw between my father and his brother, to my knowledge they never spoke again. His wife left him soon after and he disappeared from town. Heaven knows what ever happened to him.
Next night, back home, my friend visited again. I was lying wide awake wondering if she would.
“You saved lives last night.” she told me, “You’re a hero.”
Now I wasn’t sure of that, but I was a young boy and it made me feel good so I took it. I recall her leaning back out the window and looking up to the sky, half smile on her lips as always.
“Remember James,” she said, “I’ll always watch out for you but you have to keep me secret, okay? If you tell anyone about me I can’t ever come back.”
“I won’t tell anybody.”
“You promise?”
“Promise.”
“Swear?”
“Swear.”
She gave a little laugh, face lit up in the moonlight. Then she was gone.
*
Seasons went by, birthdays and Christmas, halloween and thanksgiving. Mom walking me to school on weekdays and dad driving us to church on Sundays. Three years passed in this routine, safe and familiar.
My closest friends in those years were Matt and Robbie. I already knew Matt when we started class together as his family only lived a street away. He had one sister, 2 black labradors and too many cats to count. He was confident and outgoing in all the ways I wasn’t, so we made a great team.
Robbie we first met in school. He was always the biggest kid in our class, could pass for a few years older and acted like it too. His family had only arrived in town at the start of term, moving into the old house by the lakeside. Robbies father was a strange one and no mistake. The man was nice as pie with other parents around but cold as ice otherwise. Half the time he treated his son like the boy didn’t exist, other half like a stranger. Robbies mother was nicer but spoke to us even less than her husband. She had a strong accent (turned out to be French) and a scar on her cheek she covered with too much makeup.
Matt, Robbie and I did everything together. Got so there was no point planning anything without planning for 3. I still treasure these memories, I do, but they've grown bittersweet. There is a touch of pain with every image, an ache kindled in bones that never quite goes out.
*
It was the next June when I saw the girl again.
My mom was watching tv downstairs, think my dad was out front working on the car. I was in my room reading, only the nightlight on beside my bed, drifting off in the summer night heat.
My memories of the girl had faded as the years went by. I'd begun to doubt myself. Had she been real? Had I dreamt her? 8 year old me looking at 5 year old me like it was a hundred years ago. I didn’t think I would ever see her again. Too old to believe in something like that, wasn’t I? But all of a sudden she was there, real as you or me.
“Hello Jamie. Do you remember me?”
I got the fright of my life, jumping up in bed and about to call for my dad when I recognised her. She had aged as I had, but not so much that I didn’t know those eyes. More than anything though it was the aura she brought that triggered my memory. How do I explain it? Being with her had a dreamlike quality, like being a little drunk and a little sleepy. The whole world felt further away except for her and her voice.
“I remember.” I replied, trying to sound surer than I was. I sat up and my book fell to the floor.
“Shhh,” she said with that smile, finger to her lips, “don’t let anyone know I’m here.”
She was real, I thought, not a dream or my imagination.
“I’ve come to help you again, James. I know when you are in danger, I can feel it. I can’t always tell exactly when or how but I know it’s close. Now you and your friends are in terrible danger.”
“Matt and Robbie? But how?” I was staring at her still amazed, in fact I’m sure my mouth was hanging open, likely looking a goddamn fool.
“I’ve kept you safe all these years.” she said, “You know that, don't you? I’ll keep you safe this time too, but I need your help.”
“I don’t understand, what’s going to happen?”
“I can’t be sure, not yet. All I know is that you or your friends will be hurt, and only you can stop it.”
I heard the back door, my father coming in and heading upstairs. She swung her legs back out the window.
“Remember James, like before, keep me secret.”
“I … okay. I mean, I will.”
“You promise?”
“I promise.”
She laughed. “Swear?”
I smiled back, suddenly recalling our words from years before. “I swear.”
*
The rest of the summer was like any other. Hot still days, swatting flies as we hiked through forest, jumping in the lake and riding bikes till we could hardly see home.
Every day I found myself thinking about the girl. Should I should tell someone about her? What danger could we be in? In the end I chose to keep quiet. She’d saved me once before hadn’t she? Surely she deserved a little trust.
That was the same July Robbie ran away from home, off into the hills for a night until Officer McKinn found him, eating poprocks and trying to make a fire. We knew something was wrong with him the day before, muttering under his breath and cursing like his father. He never told us why he did it, never once even spoke about it.
It wasn’t long after that Matt brought up the three of us going camping again. The previous year we had stayed overnight on the small island out on the lake. It was only 50 yards from Robbies house on the shore, so it was just safe enough to get past our parents. Even at that age we could have waded it but we used our canoes as it felt more like an adventure. After a campfire and enough candy to make us all sick we shared a tent for the night. Robbies dad told our parents he would keep an eye on us, come over for regular checks and watch our campfire. He didn’t do any of that in reality but, because we didn’t want to cause trouble, we told our families he did.
August arrived, days growing shorter and nights colder. It was the last week that would be warm and dry enough to camp out, so we got the ok from our parents for that Saturday. The girl came to see me the night before, a hushed voice in the dark, her silhouette in the open window.
“It’s going to happen tomorrow night, James. On the island, I’m sure of it.”
“If we know that, can’t I just … stay away?”
“Whatever is going to happen I know only you can stop it. You're still brave enough, aren’t you? If you don’t go it will be worse for your friends, I’m certain of it. Just do as I say when the time comes ... and trust me. You can do it, James, I believe in you. Do you trust me?”
“I do. I swear.”
I lay awake half the night after she’d gone. I wanted to wake my parents, call Matt or Robbie. I wanted to tell someone, anyone, but even the thought of doing so made my throat tighten. What would they say? What would they think? What if I made things worse, like she said? Then whatever happened would be my fault and the girl would never visit again.
*
How do I describe that night? How do I put it into words? There are no doubt moments I’ve lost to time and what remains is far from clear. I’ll tell what I can.
I left for Robbies house after dinner, grabbing my rucksack and saying goodbye to my parents. When I reached the back door through the kitchen the girl was there, waiting for me.
“Jamie. Take a knife from the kitchen. A sharp one.”
“What? Why?” I was scared and not hiding it well, glancing back in case my parents heard.
“Jamie, you’re the only one who can save your friends. I need you to be brave. I don’t think you will need the knife but what if you do and don’t have it?”
I hesitated under the pressure of her gaze, then snatched a knife from the drawer and rushed out. I’ll put it back as soon as I’m home, I thought, maybe no-one will notice. I rode my bike down to the lake, sun low but still warm on my face. When I got there Matt and Robbie were standing by the canoes, looking impatient or angry with each other I wasn’t sure which. As for me, I couldn't hide my nerves. I kept touching my pocket where the knife was no matter how I tried to stop.
We paddled across in silence, plastic oars cutting through the reflections of the sky. The sun sank between the hills, giant clouds moving overhead as if driven by the failing light. We pulled our canoes onto the shore, walked into the trees and picked a spot for our tent and campfire. Looked like the same spot as the year before but I couldn’t be sure. That’s when the girl spoke to me again, although she was nowhere to be seen.
“Jamie. Say you are going to collect firewood.”
I froze, looked at Matt and Robbie starting on the tent, but they gave no sign they had heard her. I mumbled something about going for wood and walked off. Neither of them answered. That dreamlike quality which came with her had returned but it was sharper somehow. The feeling of a thousand threads tightening.
Raised voices cut suddenly through it. Robbie and Matt. I dropped the sticks I had gathered and ran back.
They stood facing each other, a gun in Robbies hand. I remember how strange it looked, too big and awkward for his thin arm. We found out afterward he had stolen it from his mother.
“What are you doing?” I asked, my own voice wavering.
“Because of him.” Robbie was shaking, tears in his eyes, “Look! He’s got a knife, he was going to kill us!”
I looked down and saw the glint of a blade in Matts hand, his sleeve pulled down to cover the rest.
“I had to.” Matt glanced between us both, “He was going to hurt us Jamie. It's him. I have to stop him.”
“No!” Robbie cried out, gesturing with the weapon, “ No he -”
The gun went off. I flinched from the sound, heart racing, chest tight. Matt fell. There was a ringing in my ears as I saw Robbie scramble for the gun where it had jerked out of his hand. Her voice brought me back. “Use the knife Jamie, he’s going to kill you.” I looked down at the blade I held. It was like an awful dream a moment before you wake. All I had to do was what she asked and I could wake up, be safe.
Robbies eyes were fixed on the body between us. I saw his face as he realized what he had done and realized it was forever. He hadn’t meant to fire. I knew him and I knew that.
“You have to stop him.” she hissed.
The knife felt strange in my hand, almost weightless. But I saw Matt and knew I didn’t have it in me to hurt anyone. No matter what I was told, no matter the consequences. I couldn’t do it. So I tossed the blade aside.
“James.” her voice was so sharp I recoiled as if I’d been struck, “What are you doing? Pick it up.”
“No.” my words faint and weak as I held back sobs. “I can’t.”
I heard Robbie then, pleading and desperate like me.
“I won’t do it.” he was saying, “He threw it away. He threw it away.”
Then it broke, the dreamlike state cracking and splitting and we were just two frightened boys in the dark.
“What a disappointment.” her voice had changed, the laugh was still there but tinged with malice. “Two cowards, failing me at the last. This could have been perfect. Well, we will just have to make do with what we have.”
Robbie stared at me, confusion showing through the panic. We both heard her, I realized. She wanted us to.
“You can hear her?” he said.
There were sounds from the opposite shore, raised voices. Robbie glanced away terrified, the gun hanging limp in his hand, barrel dragging my eyes along with it. I found I couldn’t answer him. I had frozen up with the shock, couldn’t even move.
The girl spoke again but not to me. “Matt is dead and you killed him, Robbie. What will your parents say? What will they do?”
“No … no I didn’t mean it, I didn’t ...”
“But you did. You killed one friend and were going to kill another. Jamie saw it all.”
“But you …” his voice was desperate, frantic. “You said he was going to hurt us. You said I was the only one who could stop it.”
I heard more shouting, people splashing through the water, getting close.
“Did I?” her delighted voice had a poison edge. “Is that what I said? The girl in your imagination told you to kill Matt? What will his parents say to that? You killed their son. Is that your mother I hear? She loved you and all you do is let her down. Hurt her. What will she do now?”
“You said…” his voice trailed off, a soul as completely lost as any I have ever seen.
“You never stop hurting her.” she said. “Just like your father.”
Robbies eyes met mine a final time. His hands steadied and he raised the gun to his head. I heard more adults voices from the waters edge but I couldn’t turn away to look.
The gun fired.
Light flickered through the trees. I saw birds in the darkening sky. My feet were cold, I realized, and there were cold tears drying on my cheeks.
“Oh well,” her voice both playful and disappointed, “not perfect but it will do. The 3 of you were fun while you lasted. Sleep tight.” The sounds of approaching feet, people calling our names. I could see both bodies on the ground. Someone shaking me, shaking me but I couldn’t move or answer. Then a woman screaming, screaming until it all went dark and I remember nothing more but the girls laughter.
*
The months immediately after are filled with police, doctors and other strangers with worried or angry faces. Then a lonely, endless emptiness in the days and nights which followed. I tried to retreat from it all but I had nowhere to go.
Matt had survived which was the only bright spot. Still, it was a close thing and he spent until October in hospital.
I lost my voice for those first few weeks, only able to squeeze out the odd meaningless sound. I couldn’t even write, any attempt to form words became a senseless jumble in my mind. The family doctor said it was a side effect of trauma but I knew the truth. It was a warning, a reminder that I could not speak of her. I had sworn, hadn’t I? I had sworn and she would hold me to it.
My mom often sat with me in those times, holding my hand, talking to me about anything she could think of in the hope it would help. I can still see the look on her face, how it pained her to see me struggle. More than anything I wanted to speak to take that pain from her, but I couldn’t do it.
My father dealt with things in an entirely different way, withdrawing from us, taking long walks or sitting in his study for hours. I think he felt that he had failed me somehow, that he hadn’t been there to protect me when I needed him. I finally found my voice when waking from a nightmare. I called on my father without even thinking, just as I had when I was a little boy. Dad was the first word I’d ever spoken and here it was first again. I remember he ran to my room and pulled me into his arms and for a moment, one moment in all the pain and guilt and fear, it was as if things could really go back to the way they were.
*
I could speak again but, I discovered, still not about the girl no matter how I tried. I wanted to tell the truth no matter the consequences. But it was hopeless. My lips sealed tight everytime I thought of her. I tried again to write it down, or even circle the words I needed in books, but my hand froze as soon as I attempted it.
When Matt left hospital I found he had been rendered mute as I had, in fact he still hadn’t spoken a word. His parents took him to multiple doctors and child psychologists without change. He couldn’t break the spell.
“It’s okay.” I told him, the first time we were alone together, “I know.”
Our eyes met and he let out a long breath, face pale and tears forming. That was the moment we both understood, no need for words, that we would have this secret shared but unspoken. We couldn’t tell anyone even if we tried.
In time his enforced silence wore off as mine had, though the inability to discuss the girl never did. I was left to wonder how and when she had visited him. Did he know how she had lied to us? Did he still see her? I could never know for certain. All I could do was hope.
*
Robbies parents claimed the pistol had been locked in their safe. Said their son didn’t even know about the gun. I could make a guess at how he knew about it and how he knew the code to the safe. The girl told him, I was sure of it.
The town seemed split over how they felt about the couple, equal parts pity and anger. Lot of folk were feeling that way about each other.
His father fled town before the year was out, up and vanished without a trace. Then on Christmas eve his mom drove their car into the lake. Swerved to miss my uncles ex-wife of all people, who had taken to walking the lakeside all times of day or night. Sad as it was, his mothers death became lost under everything else that had happened. A woman all alone without her boy, who needed someone, anyone to reach out to her, was instead forgotten. She died in the cold dark water and it keeps me awake at night wondering how she felt at the end.
People spoke about that family like they brought this evil to our town, carried it here with them in their beat up station wagon. Bullshit. Even if it was true, what if they had? Wouldn’t have mattered if there hadn’t been a place for it.
*
I didn’t realize the truth until too late. You see, I’d always imagined we were the only ones she had preyed on. That it was a one off. Took me years to suspect any different. In my defense the incident caused my family to withdraw from the rest of the town. Or them from us, who can tell? No doubt it led to Matts parents decision to leave, moving away the year before we started high school. We kept in touch but I didn’t see him again until we were nearly 20. So I was really on my own.
2 years after Robbies death there was another murder. A group of teenagers on the other side of the valley were down by the lakeside, listening to music and sharing a stolen bottle of whisky. Before the sun had set one girl had her throat cut and 4 others had serious stab wounds. Despite everything the police and parents tried over the years no-one ever got the truth. None of the kids involved would speak a word about it. I’d seen them the day before at the football field, laughing and joking without a care in the world.
Following summer the Goldsmith family had cops and paramedics at their fathers house. They managed to keep the details quiet but every one of them moved away in the next year, leaving 3 empty homes. The children never went to school in that time. The adults left their jobs. Some kids I knew said they went to the door and saw Lilly Goldsmith, the 14 year old, with a livid red scar around her neck.
Our town always had a few odd stories but not like this. Folk seeing lights above the marshes, sure, or drunk fisherman claiming they heard voices on the water. Harmless campfire tales. Now the name of our town became synonymous with tragedy. And these were only the incidents we knew about.
When I was 16, the local mechanic Oliver Miller drowned his wife in their bathtub. His son caught him in the act and stabbed him clean through the heart. Was on the news for weeks. I walked past their empty house on the way to school.
Then it was Father Colby. One Sunday he locked the doors of the church and tried to set the place alight with his congregation inside. My dad and a couple of others managed to stop him but he died of a stroke before they got him to the hospital. “There’s a devil among us.” Colby had said, wild eyed and shaking, “I’ve seen her.”
She always did like fire, I thought.
*
I began to look at everyone differently. Wondering if she came smiling to their windows at night. How long had she been here? Were we even her first victims?
When I was 18 my dad pulled a gun on our neighbor, a man he’d been friends with for 30 years. My mom got between them and the gun went off. The shot was only inches from killing her.
She forgave my father immediately, like it was nothing. He would never hurt her, she said, he'd never hurt anyone. It was just a moment of madness. He hadn’t been himself. Yeah, I thought, been a lot of that in town.
My dad had hardly said a word since it happened, other than to beg them both for forgiveness. Between the three of them they decided not to involve the police but any friendship with our neighbor was clearly over. I don’t think they ever spoke again. I remember sitting with my father the next week, just the two of us in the yard. He'd grown pale and drawn in such a short time, thinner and hesitant. A gentle man broken by something he had almost done, shocked and ashamed of himself in equal measure. He was looking out at the forest, sighing then shaking his head as if struggling with something, trying to find the words.
“I .. I thought …” he spoke at last, so quiet I had to lean close to hear.
“What is it dad?”
“She told me …” then he froze, eyes wide staring over my shoulder.
I turned but there was nothing there, only a space between the trees.
“It’s nothing. I’m sorry.” he looked down, hiding his face and crying for the first time in my life. “I’m so sorry.”
He would never talk of it again, no matter how I forced it. More often than not my own voice failed me, lips sealing tight, head swimming whenever I tried to speak of the girl.
“We're going to move,” my mom told me a few months later, “get away from here. It’s not like it was. Changed and not for the better. Used to think people here were our friends but I guess not. You find out what folk are really like when there’s trouble.”
*
As we prepared to leave each day grew increasingly difficult. I imagined her hand in every event, a curse with a voice, tightening her threads around us all.
Our town, our home, rotted from the inside. People I'd known all my life were changed, faces worn with tragedy, worlds frayed around the edges. One by one we cut ourselves off from the community, retreating to what we believed was safety in isolation.
I tried to stop it, as naive and hopeless as that was. Tried to speak to people, tell them I knew about her, break the spell. All I achieved was making myself look a fool, standing there in silence, unable to utter a word. Stupid. Whether anyone understood or not, we were long past saving.
*
I’m leaving again tonight and I won’t be back. She can have this place to herself, a ghost alone, laughing in the dark. Maybe that’s what she wanted all along.
I’ve often wondered if she still watches me, even now. Will I wake tonight and she will be at my window, smiling? Will I hear her laugh again before I open my eyes? Or has she left us behind, beginning again in a new town? If not me then who does she visit?
Have you seen her?
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2023.11.02 15:05 Chen_Geller With the casting of Brian Cox, The War of the Rohirrim is returning to the wellspring of The Lord of the Rings

With the casting of Brian Cox, The War of the Rohirrim is returning to the wellspring of The Lord of the Rings
My first response to the announcement of The War of the Rohirrim was a confused one: The story of Helm Hammerhand? Oh, sounds promising. Animated, though...? I'm actually putting it more mildly than I originally did: my initial reaction was: "Its April 1st, right?" But I've come to peace with it.
A huge factor in helping one come to peace with it were the stunning pieces of Weta artwork and then, finally, the casting annoumcenet headed by Miranda Otto's return as Eowyn, the narrator of the story; and one of my absolutely favourite character actors, Brian Cox, voicing Helm Hammerhand. You may know Cox from his famous turn in Succession, but he has a storied career, mostly playing historical roles.1
Jackson himself said:
Amazing cast of actors, lead by the brilliant Brian Cox as Helm Hammerhand just announced for Kenji Kamiyama’s LOTR anime. Some great UK actors in there - including Luke Pasquilino, Lorraine Ashbourne and Shaun Dooley. Excited to to hear newcomer Gaia West bring Helm’s daughter, Héra, to life. To top it off we get the return of the incomparable Miranda Otto as Eowyn. Forth Eorlingas!
It was in fact years ago, when I saw an ad featuring Cox for what I believe was The Carer that I thought "Oh right, Brian Cox! He seems a good fit for Middle Earth, more's the pity!" Little did I know at the time that Cox had met Guillermo Del Toro and Sir Peter Jackson for a role in The Hobbit: presumably that of Balin. In fact, Brian had done an audiobook of Tolkien's Sigurd and Gudrun.2
Shortly after Rohirrim was announced, me and my Fellowship of Fans colleagues speculated on who might be cast: I had already thought they might be tempted to go with Sir Patrick Stewart: back in 1997, Philippa Boyens wondered if Stewart might be a good Gandalf, and shortly afterwards Jackson almost offered him the role of Theoden. My friend, the fabulous u/Lakhitia was less convinced: she suggested Brian Cox or, perhaps, Ray Winestone. I didn't protest: for all I cared, Brian Cox should be in everything ever. So when he was cast I nearly fell out of my seat - a prophecy has been fullfilled, it seemed.3
https://preview.redd.it/x60mibs78yxb1.png?width=1087&format=png&auto=webp&s=cb8522e9418897231c0294812b91bf7d30b881a2
Not only is Cox - an Emmy and Golden Globe winner and a Commander of the Order of the British Empire - a terrific actor, and a great fit for both Middle Earth and for Helm, he's pretty prolific in playing historical figures. He appeared both on the tail-end of the 1960s wave of epics, with Nicholas and Alexandra (also featuring a young Sir Ian Holm) and again in the genre's renaissance in the 1990s-2000s and only recently again as Sir Winston Churchill.4
This is symbolically of great importance, because its films such as these that helped define the kind of look that Sir Peter Jackson would try to achieve with his films, and yet he hadn't cast any of the stalwarts of the genre (Cate Blanchett's turn in Elizabeth notwithstanding) at the time. So in a sense, his casting represents a direct link and connection to that tradition.5
And what a film to bring such a cast member into! The great irony of The War of the Rohirrim is that its the only animated film in the New Line-produced cycle, and yet its by far the closest to a historical film: the story of the Rohirrim's feud with the Dunlendings is conspiciously short on fantasy elements, and while they're no doubt bringing Saruman into it, and we know there are cursory roles for Orcs and an Oliphaunt, its still very much the story of a war between human tribes. So its all the more poetic that it should be this film that would reforge and bolster the connection these films have to those great historical spectacles that helped create the "look" of The Lord of the Rings in the first place!
Bring it on!

Footnotes

  1. Anthony D'Alessandro, "‘The Lord Of The Rings: The War Of The Rohirrim’: Anime Voice Cast Counts Brian Cox, Gaia Wise, Miranda Otto & More," Deadline, 15 June 2022.
  2. Owen Williams, "Brian Cox To Play A Dwarf In The Hobbit?" Empire, 16 November 2009. Empire assumed it was for Thorin, but Balin seems far more likely.
  3. Ian Nathan, Anything You Can Imagine: Peter Jackson and the Making of Middle Earth (London: HarperCollins, 2017), p. 290, 315. Stewart personally asked to meet Jackson, but appearantly he wanted to play Aragorn!
  4. Cox appeared both as Killearn in Rob Roy, and as Uncle Argyle in Braveheart the same year, and then as Agamemnon in Troy. Around that time, he had also provided a frightening performance as Herman Goring in the TV movie Nurnberg. He also played Bach, Robert McKay, Bernardo Guadagni, Mikhail Kutuzov and Winston Churchil.
  5. Jackson succintly described his film many times, including in private conversations, as "Braveheart meets Legend." The influence of the Gibson spectacular on his Tolkien films is immeasurable. Nevertheless, he never cast any of the stalwarts of the genre, whose careers were catapulted by the Scottish epic: Brendan Gleeson became synonymous with historical epics in the 2000s, appearing in both Kingdom of Heaven AND Troy, the latter also featuring a delightful James Cosmo. Tommy Flanagan has a small but important role in Gladiator, and John Kavanagh was one of the only people to go through Alexander with his dignity intact. None of them were in sight in Jackson's casting process. I guess Ken Stott had a memorable role in King Arthur, but that was after Lord of the Rings, and by the time Sir Billy Connolly appeared in The Last Samurai, Jackson had already met him for Gimli (ibid, p. 307). Jackson had wanted Patrick McGoohan for Denethor (Nathan, p. 306) but McGoohan's diaries reveal that he was effectivelly retired, having turned down the role of Dumbeldore around the same time. Peter Mullan, now appearing as Durin III in Amazon's unconnected Rings of Power, had read for Balin, but Philippa Boyens says Ken Stott was "right up there on our wishlist." Michael Pellerin, "Assembling the Company," Peter Jackson, The Hobbit: The Motion Picture Trilogy (Warners: 2011). Rupert Booth, Not A Number: Patrick McGoohan - a life (London: Aurora Metro Publication, 2011), p. 63. Gavin Docherty, "David Tennant among scots lined up for Hobbit film," Express, 20 October 2010.
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2023.10.27 14:43 decho Pre-Match Thread: Barcelona vs Real Madrid [La Liga]

Match Information:

 
Match: Barcelona vs Real Madrid
Competition: La Liga
Date: Saturday, 28th of October 2023
Time: 16:15 CEST / 10:15 EDT - Convert to local time
Venue: Estadi Olímpic Lluís Companys, Barcelona - 54367 capacity
Referee: Jesús Gil Manzano
 

Lineups and Squads:

 
Barcelona - Official squad to be confirmed
GK: Ter Stegen, Iñaki Peña
DEF: João Cancelo, Álex Baldé, Araújo, Íñigo Martínez, Christensen, Alonso, Koundé
MID: Gavi, Pedri, Oriol Romeu, Sergi Roberto, Frenkie, Gündoğan
ATT: Ferran Torres, Lewandowski, Raphinha, João Félix
Unavailable: Koundé, Pedri, Sergi Roberto (injured) Frenkie, Lewandowski, Raphinha (doubtful)
Not called:
 
Real Madrid - Official squad to be confirmed
GK: Thibaut Courtois, Andriy Lunin, Kepa Arrizabalaga
DEF: Carvajal, Éder Militão, David Alaba, Nacho, Lucas Vázquez, Fran García, Antonio Rüdiger, Ferland Mendy
MID: Jude Bellingham, Toni Kroos, Luka Modrić, Eduardo Camavinga, Federico Valverde, Aurelien Tchouameni, Dani Ceballos, Brahim Díaz, Arda Guler
ATT: Vinícius Júnior, Rodrygo, Joselu
Unavailable: Thibaut Courtois, Éder Militão (injured)
Not called:
 

Form guide:

 
Barcelona
Real Madrid
 

Head-to-head:

 
 

Comments (Post-match thread):

 
Author: Shenanigans_0 Score: 314 pts Source
I’ll pay Barca not to play Dest ever again, man is unwatchable.
Frenkie MOTM, dude is vital.
Author: aritra3776 Score: 310 pts Source
Shootout to Oriol Romeu and Fermin Lopez
If Oriol plays like this, we DID replace Busquets. ✅
If Fermin plays like this, Xavi is in great problem with picking order! 🗿
Author: Tenn_Here Score: 239 pts Source
Fermin Lopez is our random new youth spawn this season.
Author: Username-_-Password Score: 186 pts Source
Fermin Lopez has already surpassed Bellingham in my books. 2024 golden boy in the bag already. And Romeu is already proving himself.
Author: oszlopkaktusz Score: 159 pts Source
Real Madrid are amazing, they just need to work on their short & long passing, shooting, movement off the ball, positioning, crossing, decision-making, set pieces, man-marking, dribbling, fitness, ball control, tackling, counter-attacking, overlapping, running, blocking & scoring goals
Author: TripleDiesel Score: 158 pts Source
Bro had to save that comment from a madrid fan after the 3:0
"hate overreacting during a friendly but I’m gonna kill myself" gonna frame that shit lmfao
Author: CalmaCuler Score: 142 pts Source
Seems like the Reports about Fermin were right, great to see Xavi give him so much confidence. What a night for him
Author: Iniestazo8 Score: 125 pts Source
I know it's just a pre-season friendly but based on the intensity of the game this could have easily been an actual regular season Clásico.
Couple of things to highlight: - We have an amazing starting 11. This is exactly the team that should start but we need better quality squad depth in defence and midfield. We can't count on Eric And Roberto as our first line back up. If we have serious injuries or need to make changes during a game like today we need better quality subs - Dembele is our best player. Hope he doesn't leave - Balde is incredible, he is capable of becoming the best LB in the world - Romeu looks promising and could be a pleasant surprise - Suddenly we have another great attacking option in Fermin López out of nowhere. Genius move from Xavi to show a lot of trust in him by bringing him in as one of the first subs vs Madrid. Paid off nicely - FDJ was everywhere. Really glad we kept him, he will be a key player - Kounde might actually be better at RB than CB - Would be great if Vitor Roque could come this summer. Lewandowski needs a back up. He wasnt very good today and we need an alternative for when he having a day like today - Our defenders need to be more careful. The penalty from Araujo and the foul at the edge of the box from Kounde should not happen in a game - It's strange to see Roberto as first captain. So many great players on field that could be captain, it's odd to see him as the captain. Not saying he didn't earn it or deserve it. Just feels odd when you have people like MATS or Araujo who give off more captain vibes than Roberto. - Ter Stegen's hair transplant was the best thing that's happened to Barca. He's been amazing ever since - Vinicius is annoying AF
Author: NoRingsCity7 Score: 122 pts Source
Sure it was a friendly, but you know the guys are feeling amazing anyway. Great morale boost leading into the season.
Author: pabroskis Score: 110 pts Source
I absolutely love when Vinicius has a quiet game against us, which is pretty much 90% of El Clasico’s.
Preseason or not, beating Madrid is always a pleasure.
Viva Fermín López.
Visca El Barca.
Author: NPK2115 Score: 107 pts Source
Dest is absolutely incredible. I was amazed by him tonight. Rarely have I seen a footballer who can't defend, doesn't have any positional awareness, and can't pass.
Author: oszlopkaktusz Score: 80 pts Source
Imagine playing your best 11-15 players and not being able to score on a Dest-Marcos Alonso-Eric Garcia-Sergi Roberto backline
Author: DanielSophoran Score: 79 pts Source
We WILL remember the Eric Garcia masterclass
Author: atn420 Score: 79 pts Source
​
Cue Cant Del Barça!
3-0 in any El Classico is worth celebrating I did not expect this, honestly, after our last game and how we played Happy to be very wrong. Which crow recipe should I use for dinner? I want to see more of Lopez, a screamer of a goal, and a nice assist to Torres. Speaking of Torres, he has scored in consecutive games. Just hoping Gündogan isn’t hurt badly.
Visca el Barça!
Author: LunarRaven7 Score: 73 pts Source
Lopez what a debute for him scored a banger and assisted a goal all that in a classico
Author: unfinishedbusiness_1 Score: 71 pts Source
We shouldn't spend money on Bernardo Silva or Lo Celso. Fermin Lopez deserves the chance. He is a risk worth taking. Potentially another La Masia gem to bail us in our financial mess.
Author: ndinani_ Score: 69 pts Source
The difference in level and experience between FDJ and Madrid midfielders is quite huge. Valverde can't offer you anything if he's not in the final third. Bellingham will take time to adjust. Camavinga is good but still needs consistent game time in a set position. Tchoumeni, fell off after that final penalty.
Madrid has a lot of work to do otherwise they'll be playing Kroos and Modric week in week out. Mbappe takes them to another level. They definitely need him.
Author: eescobar863 Score: 51 pts Source
Fuck yeah, money well spent seeing it live
Author: bllshrfv Score: 49 pts Source
It will hit like a crack when we win La Liga back-to-back with beating them twice in the league.
Jokes aside, good game. Started harsh, but went good. A little bit practice of set piece, the Fermin Lopez magic, perfect score.
Author: infinite_bagua Score: 46 pts Source
Should Xavi be sent to the Hague for making Dest mark Vini? That was a human rights violation
Author: JokerDanny Score: 42 pts Source
Romeu fucking balled tonight.
Author: jeanyes_ Score: 34 pts Source
Frenkie de Jong was the best midfielder on the pitch
Author: atn420 Score: 30 pts Source
MAtS, back to his clean sheet days and against our most hated rivals! Well done sir!
Author: Masoud7711 Score: 28 pts Source
Romeu was really good tonight. He didn't put a foot wrong.
Author: rockyraccoonroad Score: 28 pts Source
I don’t know if Fermin will be a gem like Pedri but I’m really liking what I’m seeing so far from the kid. Hopefully he can make an impact because we really need depth in the midfield
 

Quotes:

 
https://twitter.com/Barca_Buzz/status/1717861196458807391
 

Latest News:

 
[Article] - Xavi promises 'valiant football' against Real Madrid - fcbarcelona.com
[Article] - What are the FC Barcelona players thinking ahead of the Clásico? - fcbarcelona.com
[Article] - Can you recall the only El Clásico played on 28 October? - fcbarcelona.com
[Training] - Final training session before the Clásico - fcbarcelona.com
[Article] - When and where to watch FC Barcelona v Real Madrid - fcbarcelona.com
 

TV/Online:

 
Livesoccertv Liveonsat FCBarcelona.com
 
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2023.10.12 13:00 JW_BM Lords of the Fallen - Review Thread

Game Title: Lords of the Fallen (2023)
Platforms:
Trailers:
Developer: Hexworks
Publisher: CI Games
Review Aggregator:
OpenCritic - 75 average - 75% recommended - 42 reviews

Critic Reviews

AltChar - Semir Omerovic - 95 / 100
Lords of the Fallen stands as a genuine ode to the souls-like genre, a shining masterpiece that deserves recognition as one of the finest action RPGs in recent years.
Attack of the Fanboy - Christian Bognar - 4.5 / 5
Most of what fans of Soulslikes want are at the maximum: masterclass-level design, unforgettable bosses, and extensive freedom toward build creation. The combat can feel rough at times, and there are way too many enemies in certain levels, but these downfalls don't negate the fact that Lords of the Fallen reaches for a spot in the highest tier among the genre's greats and finds itself right at home.
But Why Tho? - Eddie De Santiago - 8 / 10
Lords of the Fallen is a massive improvement over its namesake prequel, and it provides many highs, but there are definitely some lows as well. For the masochist action RPG fan, though, there’s plenty to love, and it’s all going to hurt.
CGMagazine - Philip Watson - 8 / 10
Lords of the Fallen is a solid entry in the Soulslike genre, and deviates from the recipe enough to craft its own identity.
COGconnected - Mark Steighner - 77 / 100
With incredible art design, challenging action, and a very innovative, dual-world mechanic, Lords of the Fallen is probably a must-play for fans of Soulslikes. But it’s hard to ignore the game’s issues, too, from sometimes unrefined movement and clunky combat to its many technical hiccups. While these can be frustrating or worse, ultimately the game’s ambition and dark fantasy vision are at least as compelling as its flaws.
Destructoid - Steven Mills - Unscored
My time with Lords of the Fallen so far has been mostly positive. But I can’t help but feel some of the newer systems don’t add much good to the game. Mixed with the sometimes unfair mechanics and difficulty of specific boss encounters, it’s definitely hampered my experience a bit. However, overall Lords of the Fallen is a polished Soulslike game, which is never a bad thing.
Eurogamer - Ed Nightingale - 2 / 5
Missing the elegance of FromSoftware, Lords of the Fallen is let down by Soulslike clichés and performance woes.
Fextralife - Fexelea - 8.8 / 10
Lords of the Fallen is an amazing achievement from the Hexworks team, and Souls-like fans will immediately feel at home in this highly ambitious title. Despite a few performance issues, and a handful of bugs, Lords of the Fallen is some of the most fun I've had this year, and that's saying something considering the titles that have launched in 2023.
GAMES.CH - Benjamin Braun - German - 70%
If CI Games should solve the performance issues on PS5, Lords of the Fallen is nothing less than one of the best Soulslike games so far. The game might be very similar in some of its basics, but cleverly makes use of its dual-layered game world that makes Lords of the Fallen stand out from the often trite Dark Souls clones.
Game Informer - Wesley LeBlanc - 6 / 10
Despite a solid gameplay foundation, stunning world, and unique two-realm mechanic, by the time I reached credits after 48 hours, I was overjoyed to be done.
GameSpew - Richard Seagrave - 9 / 10
With its stunning visuals and unique mechanics, Lords of the Fallen has quickly become one of our favourite Soulslikes. Its setting may be derivative, but it’s so well realised that you likely won’t care, especially when you’re switching between the worlds of the living and the dead, each with their own monstrosities to deal with and treasures to find. Hexworks has created something that genuinely feels like a successor to Dark Souls, leveraging the power of next-gen to push the genre forward. And so, put the mediocrity of the original Lords of the Fallen out of your mind: this may have the same name, but it stands head and shoulders above its predecessor in every single way.
Gamer Guides - Chris Moyse - 7 / 10
Lords of the Fallen is a solid, if conventional Soulslike, offering imposing adventure while never quite breaking new ground. Though a litany of performance woes currently hinders the experience, expansive realms, gloomy lore, and a bloody, heavy-handed challenge await the more sadistic corners of the game-playing audience.
Gamersky - 心灵奇兵 - Chinese - 8.5 / 10
Lords of the Fallen is probably the closest game to the Dark Souls series. Its unique world-switching mechanic, resurrection upon death, and bonfire-building features show the development team's deep understanding of Souls game design.
GamingTrend - Abdul Saad - 75 / 100
While not without its issues, Lords of the Fallen is an entertaining game with many great action RPG elements and challenging but satisfying gameplay.
Generación Xbox - Pedro del Pozo - Spanish - 85 / 100
Possibly, we are facing the closest soulslike and almost equal to the Dark Souls saga itself. It has absolutely everything a fan of the franchise could want from this type of game: It is difficult, challenging, but not impossible or unfair, it has many possibilities to approach the adventure, and technically accompanies both sight and ear. Perhaps the story does not become so transcendental, because it is one that we have already seen more than once, but we must not detract from it, because the design of the characters is impressive in many cases, something that also happens with the more than 30 bosses that are in the game, each with its own mechanics, phases and aesthetics.
God is a Geek - Mick Fraser - 8 / 10
Lords of the Fallen is an enjoyable, challenging game, and the aesthetics are out of this world, but it suffers at times from a lack of focus.
Hey Poor Player - Shane Boyle - 3.5 / 5
Engaging combat, brilliant boss fights, and top-notch level design that is amplified further by the creative dual-world mechanics introduced by Umbral, all coalesce into a version of Lords of the Fallen that not only leaves its predecessor in the dust but moves the genre forward in meaningful ways. That being said, it’s difficult to ignore the lackluster performance that significantly impacts upon the experience of the opening few hours, resulting in Lords of the Fallen not being the absolute recommendation that it should be, so here’s hoping Hexworks are hard at work on further optimization updates that brings performance to a level worthy of the rest of the package.
Hobby Consolas - Álvaro Alonso - Spanish - 80 / 100
Despite its many problems, Lords of the Fallen has managed to conquer us by combining the soulslike of always with a mechanic as novel and interesting as the jump between worlds. If they correct their failures, we could be facing one of the great surprises of 2023 and one of the best soulslike of recent years.
IGN - Travis Northup - 8 / 10
Lords of the Fallen is an awesome soulslike with a fantastic dual-realities premise, even when performance shortcomings and wimpy bosses crash the party.
IGN Spain - Alejandro Morillas - Spanish - 8 / 10
Lords of the Fallen is one of the most interesting souls-like games of recent years, providing new ways to face exploration in the genre, as well as a superb artistic section. Even with its irregular technical section and its roughness at the gameplay level, it is a highly recommended game.
INVEN - Kyuman Kim - Korean - 8 / 10
Returning as a reboot after nine years, 'Lord of the Fallen' successfully carves its unique niche on the solid foundation that is familiar for those fans of Souls-like genre. Some elements, such as unseparated multiplayer even after death are even better! However the lackluster impact of combat and rather frequent system clashes left a big room for improvement. Luckily, the developer is eager to make the game better with patches before release so, we'll see.
MonsterVine - Sean Halliday - 3.5 / 5
Lords of the Fallen is a solid and enjoyable task but rarely goes beyond good, instead, it titters on the edge of being special. Great looking, but ultimately too safe and lacking a real bite, Lords of the Fallen may not push the genre in any real direction, but it’s a worthy addition.
Multiplayer First - Paulmichael Contreras - 7.5 / 10
Just like the original that preceded it, Lords of the Fallen is a solid Soulslike game, which relies on a familiar game loop of dying repeatedly, learning from your mistakes along the way, while finding a nice track of enemies to slaughter endlessly as you slowly grind your character’s level up to meet the challenge, or for those more inclined to not cheese things, then memorizing enemy attack patterns as you fight and claw your way to victory. The Umbral mechanic has brought something new to the table, but it’s a shame visits to the other side are limited. Hexworks set a high bar for themselves, and while they didn’t quite reach the heights they were going for, they should be commended for what they have accomplished.
PC Gamer - Harvey Randall - 79 / 100
Some of the best boss fights in the genre's recent history, riddled with difficulty spikes in all the wrong places.
PSX Brasil - Portuguese - 80 / 100
Quote not yet available
Push Square - Aaron Bayne - 7 / 10
Lords of the Fallen is an exciting kind of Sous-like. Whereas many others aim to perfect the formula, Lords of the Fallen's goal is to innovate. It certainly has its own array of problems, like lacking audio, repetitive enemy types, and combat that could be tightened up a little. However, when the game sinks its claws into you with its thrilling dual world mechanic, you won't be able to get enough of it.
Rock, Paper, Shotgun - Ed Thorn - Unscored
A Soulslike elevated by a magnificent realm-hopping twist, yet chained down by a host of irritating little flaws.
Seasoned Gaming - Zach Bateman - 8.5 / 10
CI Games and HEXWORKS have realized their potential by creating one of the greatest souls-likes I’ve had the pleasure of getting lost in.
Slant Magazine - Aaron Riccio - 4 / 5
Umbral is a beautiful dark twisted fantasy, and then there’s all of Axiom to explore as well. The developers have made the most of these realms, layering distinct challenges atop one another. And the result is the best of both worlds: Axiom’s dense, gothic world (and its interconnected twin in Umbral) and a second life with which to better appreciate the masocore combat.
Spaziogames - Domenico Musicò - Italian - 7.5 / 10
Lords of the Fallen fails to meet every expectation and its own ambitions. With many technical flaws and some gameplay issues, CI Games and HexWorks reboot is very far from top notch soulslike games.
TechRaptor - Joe Allen - 6 / 10
Lords of the Fallen's shameless copy-paste approach to Dark Souls undermines its great level design and the potential evident in some of its boss encounters.
The Games Machine - Marco Bortoluzzi - Italian - 7.5 / 10
While Lords of the Fallen has a good foundation, what is built upon it often leaves a sour taste, and not all of it can be boiled down to personal preference. Poor optimization, wonky hitboxes, poor enemy variety and a frustrating lock system are only some of the issues we encountered. This is the kind of game that could become great, but it needs patches and updates to get there.
The Nerd Stash - Patrick Armstrong - 8.5 / 10
Lords of the Fallen ranks amongst the best Soulslikes!
The Outerhaven Productions - Keith Mitchell - 4 / 5
Lords of the Fallen (2023) is finally here, despite a challenging development cycle, and it's a way better game than the original title. Everything that I had issues with the 2014 game has been addressed, and then some. Combat is fun, the world is beautiful, and I can't get enough of the unique way we can visit the world of the dead using a lamp. It really bugs me that the game on the PC has some slight performance issues that hold it back, and that's a shame. Still, Lords of the Fallen (2023) is a great Soulslike that fans of the genre need to play, despite a few flaws with the game.
TheSixthAxis - Jason Coles - 4 / 10
I desperately want to like Lords of the Fallen, but it's the first game all year that's actively annoyed me. I love the Soulslike genre more than any other, but this game took all of the lessons it could have learned since the original Lords of the Fallen and either forgot them entirely, or just misunderstood them so greviously that you'd assume it skipped a class.
Tom's Hardware Italia - Andrea Maiellano - Italian - 7.5 / 10
Everything works and is fun, the ideas are many, and very interesting, and the general feeling is to find oneself in front of a work done with passion. However, slips on that banana peel called "experience." We would have preferred to be confronted with a Souls-like that was more refined in its foundations and capable of introducing a couple of thick innovations, as opposed to playing a title that errs on the side of presumptuousness in terms of copying FromSoftware's work, causing the many, perhaps too many, ideas it puts forth to falter.
Video Chums - A.J. Maciejewski - 7.7 / 10
There's a lot to enjoy in Lords of the Fallen, especially with its phenomenal dual-world reality that adds a layer to exploration. Slaying bosses and trekking ahead may not always be a delight but what's here is still very good nonetheless.
VideoGamer - Finlay Cattanach - 8 / 10
Lords of the Fallen is a game that wears its passion and love of the genre on its sleeve. A gorgeous world, gripping gameplay, enthralling bosses, and depthless worldbuilding persist in spite of some rough edges and a struggling sense of unique identity.
Wccftech - Francesco De Meo - 6.8 / 10
Lords of the Fallen boasts impressive visuals and an interesting story for a soulslike, but unfortunately, that's where the praise ends.
We Got This Covered - David Morgan - 4 / 5
Lords of the Fallen copies Dark Souls so thoroughly it feels like game design plagiarism but, astonishingly, it's indeed worthy of being mentioned in the same sentence as FromSoftware's brutal dark fantasy classics. Anyone who's survived Lordran, Drangleic and Lothric will find a lot to love here.
WellPlayed - Nathan Hennessy - 8 / 10
Lords of The Fallen makes up for its clumsy combat and opaque systems with the fantastic Umbral lamp and its impressive audiovisual design.
XboxEra - Jesse Norris - 9.4 / 10
Lords of the Fallen is a stunningly good game. Following a path set for it by Dark Souls 3 it nails every major part of what makes From’s games so damned good. Stunning visually, the art style and music are some of my favorites. While the very end does get too “big” for its gameplay this one is an easy recommendation to both the most hardcore Souls lovers and those who feel intimidated. Seamless co-op takes what is a great game and makes it a special one.
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2023.09.26 11:11 izzywizzys BEST 5 STAR HOTELS IN MADRID FOR A LAVISH STAY

If you’re planning a trip to Madrid and dreaming of a 5-star stay, you’re in for a treat! To save you from getting overwhelmed, I have put together a list of the best luxury .
But here’s the thing – not all 5-star hotels are created equal. The quality of a hotel is not just reflected in the amount of stars it carries, but the food, the service, the atmosphere, design and vibe all have a part to play.
It’s not just about the stars; it’s about the vibe, the food, and the service. To save you from the overwhelm of choices, I’ve put together a list of the best luxury hotels in Madrid, each with its unique charm.
Now, let’s talk location. These gems are right where you want to be – some in the fancy Salamanca neighborhood, others near the Prado Museum, Puerta del Sol, all centrally located.
We’ve teamed up with Booking.com. When you book through our links, you pay the same, and we get a little something to keep this blog going. Why Booking.com? Because they’ve got loads of options, great deals, and a sweet loyalty program. Rest assured, our recommendations are totally unbiased; we just want to help you have an amazing time in Madrid.

THE BEST 5 STAR HOTELS IN MADRID

1- The Four Seasons Hotel, Madrid

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Impeccable Luxury 5 ★ Prime City Center Spot Welcoming to Furry Friends Gourmet Dining Experience
The Four Seasons Madrid opened back in 2021, and has featured in the top 5 start hotels in Madrid in every category. Everything about this Hotel is Luxury. Theres a Hermes store at the entrance setting the trend for what to expect by way of quality. The hotel stands where there previously were 7 historic buildings, and the facades all remain with the interior being completely revamped.
It boasts 200 rooms, among them some of the most luxurious suites, a gourmet food court, and a luxury shopping gallery with names like Louis Vuitton and Gucci all present. If that is not enough, there is a Spa, an indoor pool, rooftop terrace and the renowned rooftop restaurant Dani Brasserie with the most romantic views over the city.
Location, Pictures & Booking

2- JW Marriott Hotel Madrid

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Unbeatable Location 5 ★ Wellness Oasis Impeccable Service Pet & Family Friendly
The JW Marriot is in the heart of Madrid, just 200 meters away from Puerta del Sol. It offers you a variety of amenities, including a spa, a fitness center, and a rooftop pool. It is also home to several restaurants and bars, including one that serves traditional Spanish cuisine.
You are also just a short walk from all the major attractions and museums. A great location, very friendly staff and also a pet friendly 5 star Hotel in Madrid.
Location, Pictures & Booking

3- Hotel Urban

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Central Location 5 ★ Outdoor Pool Gourmet Restaurant Family Friendly
This stylish hotel is located in the Salamanca district, which is known for its high-end shops and restaurants. It offers guests a variety of amenities, including a rooftop terrace with a pool, a spa, and a fitness center.
All of the hotel rooms are soundproof and have special mood lighting, on top of the marble and natural wood used in the décor. Theres an on site Michelin star restaurant, an outdoor pool and fully equipped gym
Location, Pictures & Booking

4- The Ritz Madrid

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Fitness Center 5 ★ Spa Private Garden Best Breakfast
On one of the most prestigious squares of Madrid, you will find the world renowned Ritz Oriental Madrid. Not only 5 star, it’s also one of the most well know historic hotels in Madrid. It has been welcoming guests since 1910, and it offers a variety of luxurious amenities, including a spa, a fitness center, and a rooftop terrace with stunning views of the city.
The hotel is just a 5 minute walk from Retiro, the Prado museum is less than 700 feet and all other major sights are just a short walk. If you want a 5 star hotel in Madrid city center, it’s about as close as you can get.
Location, Pictures & Booking

5- Westin Palace, Madrid

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Great Location 5 ★ Pet Friendly Excellent Views Private Parking
For me, the most stunning feature of the Westin Palace is the beautiful stained glass dome. It’s also just down the road from the Prado Museum, Thyssen and Reina Sofia. The Royal Palace and Royal Opera house are also within walking distance
It is also home to several restaurants and bars, including one that serves traditional Spanish cuisine. The rooms are modern yet elegant, and they even have their award-winning Westin Heavenly Bed and Heavenly Bath.
Location, Pictures & Booking

6- Hotel Orfila

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Pets Allowed 5 ★ Tea Garden Tour Desk Private Parking
This charming hotel is located in the Salamanca district, and it offers guests a variety of amenities, including a spa, a fitness center, and a rooftop terrace with a pool.
You have the Alonso Martinez and Colon Metro stations within 200 meters. The royal Palace and Sol, and all the pretty sights of Madrid are within walking distance.
The Hotel is actually a 19th century palace that was converted into a hotel, and still has a lot of the original features including a gorgeous tea room you have to see.
The hotel has a restaurant captained by Michelin award winning chef Mario Sandoval.
Location, Pictures & Booking

7- Hotel Santo Mauro

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Airport Transfer 5 ★ Hotel Garden Amazing Restaurant Family Rooms
This elegant hotel is located in the Salamanca district, and it offers guests a variety of amenities, including a spa, a fitness center, and a rooftop terrace with stunning views of the city.
The hotel is housed in the former home of the Duke Santo Mauro, where the name comes from. The hotel has a French styled theme, the old library is really my favorite part that has been converted into a restaurant.
The ballrooms also still exist, though they are now used as large meeting rooms, but the décor is really beautiful.
Location, Pictures & Booking

8- Bless Hotel Madrid

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Bowling Alley 5 ★ Pet Friendly Amazing Restaurant Outdoor Pool
This trendy hotel is also located in the Salamanca district. Don’t be surprised if you bump into a celebrity or two, it’s a known hangout for the rich and famous here.
Salamanca is the most exclusive neighborhood in Madrid, so you will be close to all the luxury shops in Madrid, as well as being within a short distance to all the local attractions.
The hotel has a rooftop pool and terrace, 3 bars, 2 restaurants, a Spa and even a Bowling Alley!
Location, Pictures & Booking

9- Wellington Hotel & Spa Madrid

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Spa Facilities 5 ★ Pets Allowed Amazing Restaurant Outdoor Pool
This stylish hotel is located in the Chamartín district, which is known for its business centers and high-end shops. It offers guests a variety of amenities, including a spa, a fitness center, and a rooftop terrace with stunning views of the city.
Location, Pictures & Booking

10- Hotel Único Madrid

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Family Rooms 5 ★ Airport Transfers Amazing Restaurant Private Gym
Hotel Único Madrid stands is a beacon of luxury. It’s Michelin-starred Ramon Freixa restaurant, housed within a restored 19th-century building, offers a culinary masterpiece.
The boutique hotel boasts avant-garde decor in each room, complete with modern amenities like satellite TV, DVD players, and complimentary Wi-Fi.
Retiro Park is a 10-minute walk away, but if you want to stay in there are lounging areas, a library, wellness center and they can even arrange a personal trainer if you don’t want to miss out on a workout.
Location, Pictures & Booking

11- Eurobuilding Hotel Madrid

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Family Rooms 5 ★ Pet Freidnly 3 Star Michelin Restaurant Private Spa
NH Collection Madrid Eurobuilding is a 5 star Hotel in Madrid close to iconic attractions like Bernabeu Stadium and the Kio Towers. The Hotel offers a 24-hour spa and room service.
Rooms feature satellite TV, air conditioning, and private bathrooms with rain-effect showers. Some of the more luxury rooms offer access to the VIP area.
Theres a gym a spa and even paddle and tennis courts on location. There’s also a 99 Sushi Bar & Restaurant, and a daily breakfast service.
Location, Pictures & Booking

12- Hotel Villa Magna

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Central Location 5 ★ Family Friendly Walking Tours Arranged Airport Transfers
You have realized by now that most 5 star Hotels in Madrid are in the Salamanca district, also the most luxurious neighborhood in Madrid, so it makes sense.
The hotel offers rooms and private suites, boasts a spa with endless treatments to relax, and have a fully equipped fitness center.
The best thing about this hotel is the proximity to Serrano Street and Castellana Avenue where all the Luxury shopping and highly regarded restaurants are located.
Location, Pictures & Booking

13- Urso Hotel & Spa Madrid

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Soundproof Rooms 5 ★ Spa Facilities Private Massages Airport Transfers
This is another one of the 5 star hotels in Madrid that used to be a real palace, but has now been converted in to a luxury hotel. It’s a short walk away from Alonso Martinez Metro so very centrally located, and short walk away from everything you would want.
It is not as big as some of the hotels on the list, so the service you get from the staff feels a lot more personal. The hotel also includes a Spa with a Hammam, massage areas and a full gym.
Location, Pictures & Booking
FAQ’s
1. What are the features of a luxury 5-star hotel in Madrid?
A luxury 5-star hotel in Madrid typically offers spacious and elegantly appointed rooms, top-notch amenities such as spas, fine dining restaurants, and concierge services, and a prime location in a prestigious district.
2. How can I find the best luxury hotels in Madrid?
This list has been carefully curated, but to be sure you can always check the individual reviews for each of the options provided.
3. What are the must-visit luxury hotels in Madrid?
Some of the must-visit luxury hotels in Madrid include Rosewood Villa Magna, NH Collection Madrid Eurobuilding, and Hotel Único Madrid. These hotels offer a luxury accommodations, world-class dining, and convenient locations.
But this isn’t to say they are better than the ones on the list, just that they are better known.
4. What amenities can I expect at a luxury hotel in Madrid?
Luxury hotels in Madrid often feature amenities like Michelin-starred restaurants, lavish spas, fitness centers, concierge services, chauffeur-driven cars, and stunning city views. Many also offer complimentary Wi-Fi and in-room technology.
5. Is it necessary to book in advance at a luxury hotel in Madrid?
Booking in advance is highly recommended, especially during peak travel seasons. Luxury hotels in Madrid can fill up quickly, and reserving your room ahead of time ensures you secure the best rates and availability.
6. Are luxury hotels in Madrid suitable for business travelers?
Yes, luxury hotels in Madrid cater to business travelers with amenities like well-equipped meeting rooms, high-speed internet, business centers, and personalized concierge services to assist with any corporate needs.
7. What is the average price range for a luxury hotel in Madrid?
Luxury hotels in Madrid can vary in price, but on average, you can expect to pay between €200 to €500 or more per night for a luxurious stay, depending on the hotel’s location and the level of opulence.
8. Can luxury hotels in Madrid accommodate special dietary requests?
Yes, most luxury hotels in Madrid are known for their exceptional dining options and can accommodate special dietary requests, including vegetarian, vegan, gluten-free, and allergy-specific menus. It’s advisable to inform the hotel in advance of any dietary restrictions.
9. Do luxury hotels in Madrid offer transportation services to and from the airport?
Many luxury hotels in Madrid offer airport transportation services, including private transfers or chauffeur-driven cars. It’s advisable to inquire about these services when making your reservation.
10. Are there any exclusive perks for guests staying at luxury hotels in Madrid?
Guests at luxury hotels in Madrid often enjoy exclusive perks such as complimentary access to spa facilities, late check-out options, welcome amenities, and personalized concierge services to enhance their stay.
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5 star hotels in madrid
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2023.09.16 06:09 oRamafy 12-4-2022 to 2-19-2023

4/12/2022, 10:01 PM
Mary Morning with Maple. Then coffee at 7-11 and took her back to the in-laws, hung out a little bit and Giang let me eat some of her leftovers from a party she went to last night.
Work at MM. Chip and Yvette showed up, it was great seeing them again. Yvette said my shoes freak her out. Told Nicolette about my Nicolette-inspired Black Friday. Turns out she has some jasper stones of her own as well. Mark and Manny were saying not to put in deliveries, so I asked why not send me on a delivery, and they agreed. Got to take 3 together, including one to Jeff, but a woman answered. Played some of the Cyrano soundtrack.
Gave Mark half a joint from Mitch, and he told me about his cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome. He’s been smoking again since Thanksgiving. Told me he also gets sick before he flies every time.
5/12/2022, 10:19 PM
Gabby joined me with AnNg today. Chattted with Phillip about a parasite that increases risky behavior.
First Monday I went looking for Yaquelyn. M/Tu/Th/F is the current plan, weekends uncertain.
8/12/2022, 10:20 AM
Justice: the utilization of ethics and the evidence available to judge a man’s character and/or behavior.
Volition: the sum of attention over which we have control over.
Attention: the data which our senses are processing.
Anxiety: sensing the nervousness of another consciousness within the body.
Started Wednesday on Netflix.
9/12/2022, 11:20 PM
Went to the DMV to renew my license. The clerk was nice. I passed the eyesight exam and my license no longer says I need glasses.
Picked up a cartridge for dad at Evergreen after the DMV. Drove to the park but he wasn’t there, so I went to his place. He did text me earlier to let me know he was at his place, but the text didn’t go through until later at night. His next text was at 7:11.
Drank a bottle and a half of wine at night, finally felt “drunk,” although I didn’t seem impaired in any identifiable manner. Both movement and Duolingo were easier. Thought with much more emotional intensity, specifically about the right to wage war, and my relationship to Giang, Saundra, and Yaquelyn. In the same manner where I can easily see myself as a sort of union between Nolan and Jeremy, I can feel a similar union with Giang between Saundra and Yaquelyn.
Kant’s categorical imperative: have I asked anyone to do or agree to anything that I would not do myself?
Most obvious application: politicians and soldiers.
10/12/2022, 8:26 PM
Stopped at Grocery Outlet, then went to Gaye’s singles party. There was a cute Japanese? girl in a school-girl miniskirt that I said hi to when she stood next to me. We then disengaged, and she returned, making a comment about the laundry detergent I was holding. She was insisting on the lavender, while I had the plain, and I thanked her for the recommendation. She was playing with her hair while talking to me, just like Sean said his Japanese girl did. ❤️? Likely, she was in my dream a couple nights ago.
Melissa approached me asking if I wanted a reading from one of her books, and I agreed. I picked p.144 in her book on plant medicines. She hadn’t used any until she was 43! Her son was smoking cannabis prior, and eventually stoked her curiosity enough to try it herself. She plans to open a treatment center in Costa Rica, that will utilize NLP and genetic testing before the plants. She also plans on teaching some NLP which I hope to join.
11/12/2022, 12:04 PM
Temple morning. Picked up Liquid Death, lime flavored, from 7-11 beforehand. It’s good. 💕
From Resonance: onshin byodo is the “Buddhist concept of making no distinction between friend or foe.” 🙏
Took a nap and did some reading before MM.
Baseline levels of dopamine determine our blink rate. Wide-eyed = irregular segmentation of time. Blocks of time between local min/max of dopamine.
High accuracy of time prediction = high consistency of dopamine release.
High dopamine levels (w.r.t. recent levels) = underestimation of time passed.
Dopamine release is the process in which we adjust time perception. 🦇
12/12/2022, 12:47 PM
Started my 7-day dopamine-and-food fast.
Julie joined me with AnNg. Apparently the summaries are still included online, but they get dropped from the app.
Nathan was asking for the 22 bus. His sister bowed towards my back before she walked out the door, then sang “Feliz Navidad” when she stepped back in the house. Last session, Nathan responded with “si” for yes. 🧩🙏
14/12/2022, 9:06 PM
Hung out with dad in front of his place. He brought up abortion and how he believes women have the right to do anything they want with their body. Eventually, to see if he agrees with the logical implications of his statements, I asked him “Does a woman have the right to torture a 9-month-old fetus in her womb?” and he said “Yes, absolutely.” He ended up getting out of the car around 9pm and saying “fuck you” as he walked off. I merely repeated the implications of his own ideas to him, and stated that many pro-lifers believe that the right to life begins at conception, and that if he can’t make a logically rigorous argument to the contrary, then he has no business judging their belief system. He contradicted himself many, many times within that single conversation. While writing this, I heard a salient silencing effect ring through my ears. I’ve always associated dad with a tingling effect in my left ear.
Phillip’s family gave me a $100 Visa card for Christmas. Later at night in bed, I did a little mental math to determine the expected value of stealing in Mantis.
15/12/2022, 6:38 PM
Tran and Quin joined me for NaNg. Quin was quite friendly and got a kick out of how Nathan kept saying “si.” At the end she reminded me that she wants me to max all the trials every session. The way they keep repeating that message, I’m going to assume it’s meant for one of the dudes occupying my physical form, because it clearly has no affect on me.
16/12/2022, 7:39 PM
Song texted me in the morning that she would be overlapping with AaNg, but I left my phone in the car to charge and forgot about her. Got a written warning.
Color therapy with Mina after work. Tons of traffic and missed my exit so I was about 12 minutes late. I picked royal blue, corral, and purple for my past, present, and future. Royal blue said that I was meant to be a healer (my mission) and connector. Corral was the card of the hermit, and recommended participating in a community. Purple had a lot of overlap with the blue and said I was going to be challenged. For my love life, I picked orange, red, and pink. Orange said a past lover was wise, and two other traits, and it did seem applicable to Giang. Red said my lover and I are both passionate, angry, and frustrated. Pink said that my future lover is going to be defensive and something else.
I block feelings that are incompatible with what I understand them to mean to the body. Daniel Robert Dardin = Mind/body/spirit complex. The mind blocking the feelings of the body that the mind feels is illogical for the given mind/body/spirit complex is the mind trying to heal the body in exactly the same way in which it can heal itself, by reducing confusion. The mind reduces confusion by deliberation, and deliberation is the only means of rectifying disagreement. From what I understand, emotions/feelings are designed to represent an automated judgement system, and if this judgement system is coming to incompatible conclusions to the mind, then only the mind is capable of rectifying the logical disagreement between the two of them, for only it has words. 💕(in the car waiting for Yaquelyn)
This is my current working definition: the spirit is the set of feelings a person experiences through their lifetime.
17/12/2022, 8:08 AM
Addendum to spirit: a change in spirit (visually represented by a change in the pattern of fuzz about a person) seems to induce a change in personality. The spirit I see is just a bunch of fuzz, and they change rapidly, so it’s hard to get specific with the definition.
Read some Butter before bed. Turns out Tibetan Buddhists make statues out of butter.
17/12/2022, 6:42 PM
Read some more Butter in the morningMom took me to pick up my motorcycle. Rocco’s a cool guy. Hung out in bed the rest of the day.
18/12/2022, 9:01 PM
Got more Chaorite stones from Nicolette’s friend, plus she let me pick out a quartz like the one she wears. Lovely Christmas gifts. 🐷
Dry fasted for the first time. Got somewhat nauseous and increased back pain, but my morning hip NPA in disappeared.
19/12/2022
Stopped by Yaquelyn’s, and on Baker, there was a van that got squished and turned partly black, resembling her Mini, before I got closer.
20/12/2022, 4:43 PM
Phone kept autocorrect “ruler” into “Tyler” for some reason, then when I thought more than usual about it, it changed to “Euler” one time.
Stopped by Yaquelyn’s, and the white car that looks a little like her’s from afar and parks in her area now has an identical car parked right next to it.
21/12/2022, 12:55 PM
Had some thoughts about the origin on the right to initiate force. Beginning with the parents, which they delegate to a school or other caretaker while not present, which will have rights to delegate as set forth by the agreement made with the parents.
Homeless Memorial Day. 484 passed away in the past year.
Stopped by dad’s place and the park, but he was at neither. Picked up some panels cheese and groceries at Super King, then checked out Milk and Cookies next door. Great brown butter and butter cake ice cream as well as chocolate chip cookies.
Finished Wednesday before bed.
23/12/2022
BK dinner with mom, then Black Adam.
24/12/2022
Some sun worship in the morning.
Hung out at Edison for a little bit with dad, then dinner at Mario’s. Told dad about Yaquelyn’s ex and SA’s wrestlers dying their hair.
25/12/2022, 1:30 PM
Christmas Day. Nolan wished me a Merry Christmas at 5:55 am.
Did a little sun worship before grabbing whipped cream.
Bri, Duy, and Timmy came over for steaks. Outback gift card from Bri, Vietnam snacks and cash from Duy and Timmy, cash from mom. Talked with Bri about her questioning of her autism diagnosis, and asked about what they did to reaffirm the diagnosis. They had her tell a story off of some details they gave her, and noticed she didn’t tend to reciprocate conversation, which she didn’t notice. Seemed to be mostly about less mirroring. Talked a little about attorney Woo’s interpretation of being more focused on one’s own story, but she didn’t catch that when she watched it.
26/12/2022
Sun morning.
Went to start the motorcycle but nothing happened when I turned the key. Texted Rocco but couldn’t find the part he was talking about.
A homeless man named Paul asked for some change when I was standing at the bike, and I gave him a $20. He started crying, hugged me, and told me how hard of a time he’s been having lately, and the gesture was deeply touching. He said he’s going to get a meal at Sizzler’s.
27/12/2022
Sun morning.
Song joined via Google Meets for AnNg, then Tran for NaNg.
28/12/2022
Hung out with dad at night and got Jack in the Box for dinner. He played “Beauty in the Breakdown” for us.
29/12/2022
Ngan gave me some chicken pho to take home, and NaNg said “I’ve been a bad boy” out of nowhere.
30/12/2022, 4:11 PM
Song joined me for AnNg. After work, I picked up my checks from MM, then met Mitch and Mom at Sizzler’s. Talked a bit about the Elon Twitter stuff and some tape allegation.
31/12/2022
Picked up Maple and took her to Bella Terra, had a nice nappish break together on the bench. Left her in the car and went into Kohl’s afterwards to get a chain for the quartz Nicolette gave me. Dropped off Maple, then picked up some coffee, roast duck, and a baguette.
1/1/2023
Michael gave me the invite for the black market in Santa Ana.
2/1/2023, 10:07 PM
Decided to start marking NaNg’s “elopements” (standing up) as defined by the app. Nathan returned to Mina and Greg’s place.
Watched Top Gun 2 with mom.
3/1/2023, 3:25 PM
Sent an AI art link to Nolan, but it was taken down. Then copied a different link to the same art, checked that it worked before I sent it, then sent it. It immediately broke. They were both Reddit links. I sent a 9Gag link, and now it works. FYI for anyone else that may read this, Zoom is also Chinese-owned, and I use it for chanting with Mina 2-3x/week. The Chinese are famous for cheating, especially academically.
Opened up my phone and Instagram was both installed and logged into my HD account. I certainly didn’t do the latter, and may not have done the former.
4/1/2023, 10:48 AM
Playing the FBI/Twitter TimCast podcast on my way to work.
When I turned off my car, the podcast on my Wonderboom paused at exactly the same time. My car has no connection to the other two what-so-ever.
Podcast paused itself again when I used my OTHER phone to text Nhi. 10:54 AM
It then paused itself again when Nhi texted me. The phone playing the podcast doesn’t have service.
3 back-to-back mistakes that should be impossible given our current physicists’ known understanding of our shared universe, guys. Tested all 3 again and none replicated.
Hung out with dad by his place in the evening. Got roast chicken at Albertsons, then dad got a fish sandwich and burger at Rally’s. All was good. He feels like he’s in the process of watching his mental breakdown, as if he’s losing touch with reality. I’d say he’s simply experiencing a greater rate of change than he’s used to. He agrees that smoking weed feels a lot like watching TV. He dismissed the significance that food plays in our physiology, then when I went silent, he immediately switched to “But I guess we are what we eat.”
5/1/2023
Listened to the FitMind podcast about magic. Learned about microsaccades, tiny eye movements that are done to “refresh” our visual field, as neurons can only detect change.
6/1/2023
Walking by the tatted smoking asian neighbor, and while he was speaking on the phone, the only English he spoke was an emphasized “I love my family so much.”
Registered my car and partially registered the bike after work.
7/1/2023, 12:48 PM
Grabbed a $20 from a roll of cash from my
wallet before picking up groceries from Albertsons, including milk from mom. When I went to put the $20 back in my wallet, all the cash was gone.
Dad’s bike got stolen from the backyard.
The back of my van was locked. I know I didn’t do that.
8/1/2023, 12:55 PM
Church in the morning, the sermon was about David and Goliath. David’s the baby if the family of 8 sons.
The mirrors on my bike were stolen.
Had some thoughts this morning about the role of ADHD. I presume it’s to reduce/reverse the cost of state changing.
Rode the bike to MM.
Told Nicolette about my thoughts on dietary fat and cholesterol. She also mentioned her husband is a big meat-eater, and I brought up the stereotype about men eating more meat. “Funny how that stereotype plays out”
9/1/2023, 11:00 AM
Yaquelyn changed her Cash App profile picture to her and her baby.
11/1/2023, 9:29 PM
NaNg’s bday.
Watch powderpuff girls.
My body’s janitor’s system relies on a blackcat on a “roomba.”
Watch Grey’s Anatomy and consider why Giang loved McDreamy so much. 🙏
Ponder?
Tried out the Sour Tangie cartridge I got for dad. Felt like my reality’s neighbors were getting ready for it for days ahead of time. We swung by Albertsons for some candy and vodka, then Del Taco for their new guacamole chicken burrito. I was dry food-fasting.
12/1/2023, 11:41 AM
The body: a system of recording other peoples’ memories of the self.
Mia made the John Galt Line today. I asked her the name of her train, and she said “Choo choo,” so I suggested the alternative and she accepted. She ran away from the
play area while I was writing this, while I normally would have made her clean up first if I was not distracted by writing about a development in our relationship.
A universal level playing field: nobody has any memory of their infancy. Your memory is likely constructed to support the others’ memory of your infancy.
I require asking Yaquelyn face-to-face because eyes act as windows to the soul, and I need to ask her soul-to-soul.
13/1/2023
Julie joined me for AnNg.
Started the Bernie Madoff series.
14/1/2023, 4:39 PM
Temple cleaning. Brought Giang some a Japanese cheesecake and caramel mocha from Cream Pan. Pet Maple for a bit while chatting with Giang. She gave me a tiger’s eye bracelet from her trip to Hawaii.
Watched Glass Onion, Knives Out with mom. Went for a dip in the pool for the first time, it’s very close to taking an ice bath. It felt amazing.
7th day of my 7-day dry food-fast.
Blended ice with buttermilk. It’s delicious.
Grass-fed chuck steak from Walmart for dinner.
15/1/2023
Went to Cierra’s baby shower. Mostly talked to Mona, her mom, and a bit with her daughter. Her daughter does nursing at a school, including with autistic children. Sandy dressed up as a pig with a baby face. Chatted with Chris and Ralph very briefly.
Started Jack Ryan season 2
Told Mark and Nicolette about the 7-day dry fast. Mark was unimpressed, Nicolette was not. Told her of the cheap fish at non-Jap Asian markets.
16/1/2023
Got a massage from Lilly, she was excellent. Picked up Spanish Mackerel and Butterfish afterwards. Norwegian mackerel is more oily and strongly preferred. The butterfish was okay.
17/1/2023, 8:18 PM
Women tend to change moods (or states) more frequently than men do. But they change states at different times for similar reasons.
We learn to feel the pull on our attention, and its intentions. I chant 3x/week with a married Japanese woman whose husband developed confidential AI for Boeing. I’m not ever going to be able to explain my eyes relationship to color more quickly than it can change.
Some things simply change more quickly than their neighbors can understand. So we grant them the benefit of the doubt if they state that this is so.
From Mina’s perspective, there’s a rolling blue{blurry?} wave of confusion around me. Her red wave is called Anger. Shinnyo-en said anger is poison, and Buddhism has 8 deities of wrat s
Dopamine is a rank-ordered saving of everybody’s personal favorites lists. They summarize as currency.
When we learn something, we change states. I suspect it’s associated with a change in currency?
I loved my buttermilk tonight, boys. 🦇
Feng shui and qi gong mix to create your preferred environments.
The externalities of our games fund creativity. The
A. God with a feeling would feel like a Goddess. Given, that the Goddess hasn’t learned to suppress her own feelings. P
Comedic relief seems to be our greatest talent. I always envision two copies of myself, and call them either, Mind, body, or spirit, and call their union a mind/body/spirit complex. By
I AM 10:15 PM going to revisit this Smart TV with a Vegan Goddess regularly.
What can I change = willpower = what work can I do?
A mixture of mood changes culminate to sex appeal.
“No lawyers on this train, just send me the girl.” —Sicario
During chanting with Mina, I saw her face repeatedly turn into a movie clacker, then back into her face. She was especially intent on listening to me tonight. The top of her head/hair with the rally checker pattern is the indication I see.
20/1/2023
Started Shinnyo annual training. Waking up to chant at 8:30am with Mina for 5 days.
22/1/2023, 12:57 PM
Michael was talking about the shooting in Monterey Park. It was a Vietnamese man shooting up a dance studio. I reminded them it was at a dance studio while looking at Nicolette, and she returned with quite the ghastly grimace on her face. I did a little roundabout twistaroo in the neck in response.
When you die, your pineal gland releases a burst of dmt. I hypothesize that we’re releasing our mind’s copies of each other. Lex just made an Instagram post about how we all carry copies of each other in our minds, and that is the basis of the multiverse.
Michael takes acid and then smokes dmt, and cruises along just fine.
23/1/2023, 9:43 PM
AaNg canceled today. PhTr’s dad called PhTr back from break right when I was about to. Swung by Northgate after Santa Ana, picked up green tobasco per Michael’s recommendation. Had it with some eggs and lamb tongue, it’s great.
Been feeling cousin Chris around a lot lately. He hosted a dinner last night with galbi and a pork roast, but I was working and mom turned around after she couldn’t find parking.
25/1/2023, 2:42 PM
As far as I can tell, being high essentially means you’re floating on a cloud of high expectations, especially from others.
The expected value of an event is the sum of the value of the potential consequences of the event multiplied by their respective probability of occurrence.
You develop sensitivity to what you pay attention to.
I don’t believe anybody is owed what their ancestors had.
25/1/2023
Gabby joined me for AaNg and PhTr. She telehealth’d Jenny and they talked a little about Mentalism and Behaviorism. Phillip asked about Mentalism but I didn’t hear him and he wasn’t answered, but I asked Gabby about it anyways. Jenny described it as it a theory focused on what goes on “inside the skin,” whereas Behaviorism is focused on what’s observable.
Also talked with her about her Ethics of ABA Therapy class, and how I was maligned as a child abuser on Reddit. She said she is familiar with those allegations, and believes they stem from old, out-of-date practices.
PhTr’s mom made us a plate of egg rolls. Gabby declined, I indulged. I didn’t want to be rude by declining her gift, and I also didn’t want to discourage future food gifts. No big deal breaking my diet for one meal; I make exceptions for social occasions.
Hung out with dad, used his vape. Went to Albertsons for candy and vodka. Great conversation, like usual. Grabbed Rally’s for him, I did not partake. He went on two antidepressants a couple weeks ago, and he’s sleeping better now.
Not sure if I wrote this earlier in the journal, but Ron had a stroke, and one of his symptoms is that when he’s searching for a word he’ll start rattling off words that are close instead. Reminds me of how I rotate through synonyms for greater agreeableness to statements in my thoughts. Ron himself reminds me of the “four beer” Canadian guy from Reddit. “Canadian Man Gets Interviewed About New Drinking Guidelines.”
27/1/2023, 11:19 PM
Went to Albertsons and asked the butchers if they’d sell me some beef fat, and they gave me a couple lbs for free. Grabbed some ribeyes and pork shoulder too.
Mitch came over and mom grilled steaks.
Watched Shotgun Wedding with mom.
Saw a story about a priest and knight while looking in the candle’s fire tonight. At one point, it looked like the knight had become overwhelmed by an opposing force, and the priest saved him. It also looked like the priest later resurrected him. I interpreted it as myself as the knight and Nolan the priest.
2/2/2023, 3:02 PM
Was supposed to have my evaluation done by Julie, but AaNg canceled for a doctor’s appointment.
Spent some time lying down in bed, and began hearing about my life story. It involved being a Costco billionaire. It touched on how if the devil doesn’t have a brother, then it can’t be me, and if he does, that song isn’t right. The general pattern was there was a potentially terrifying implication, followed by a relieving interpretation.
Cognition: the means and methods by which the mind grows. Perception and attention can be thought of as the means, similar to its cash flow. (I was at the DMV today and looked up cognition on Wikipedia. Their definition was great, but as their description continued, it became too wide for me to make sense of. FYI: I was reading about David Weck at this time, inventor of the Bosu Ball).
Digital: “capturable” as discreet steps.
Went to the DMV and stopped by Walmart on the way home for steak. The green juice is delicious too.
Quin joined me for NaNg. She thought when NaNg was saying “community,” he might be reaching for “committee.”
3/2/2023
Worked with AaNg’s mom doing maintenance trials for the first time. He couldn’t stop laughing, unless I spoke to him. He failed two out of three targets.
Mitch’s car acted up on his way over, again. Mom and I went to Sizzler’s on our own. Felt a lot of Bri around, and Jewishness coming from mom. Told her about our neighbor’s car getting stolen; she was positively shocked.
4/2/2023
National Ice Cream For Breakfast Day. I joined in with a pint of Reindeer Tracks. It’s chocolate peppermint ice cream, tastes like thin mints. There are no peppermint pieces as described, thankfully.
Picked up Maple 🍁 and took her to the Block. Got new Krispy Kreme donuts and a frozen mocha. Ran into a couple with a 3 y/o corgi named Gohan, the dude was wearing a DBZ shirt. Chatted with Giang a little afterwards. Stopped by Mom’s and picked up honey palmelo, the giant fruit I’ve been seeing in the clients’ homes lately, as well as mackerel and ingredients for pickled cucumbers.
Used the vape in the afternoon and evening. Did annual training with Mina, no chanting this time. Did a lap around the PF parking lot and when I was thinking about Nicolette, I noticed the graffiti next to me that said “sas x3.” The Turquoise number is 11880, not 18100. Random dude in the parking lot on the phone was clearly vibing with me. Ran into Chance, a homeless man with a bicycle living by the Jack in the Box on Warner on the riverbed. He recently found some trash bags with a bunch of weed. He said he’s already sold $200 worth, and gave me some for free.
While writing this, my water tastes like liquid weed. 🍀
5/2/2023, 9:34 AM
Nicolette 💎 asked me about Numerology. She said she sees 1111, 555, 333, and 222 quite frequently. She also mentioned something like 210. She missed 420, 314, 1234, 1010, and maybe others I can’t recall atm.I brought up Severance in response, and Michael loves it too.
She asked me if I’d done anything this week, and I told her I started the White Pill. I told her it was a book about Soviet Russia and I brought up Ayn Ran, stating she’s my favorite philosopher. She said philosophy isn’t her thing and she tries to stay out of her head, mostly exiting the conversation, but not before I told her Ayn Rand knew English better than any native-born speaker. She dashed away. While writing this, I saw one giant door related to her in my mind’s eye.
Started the tepache in the morning. Started The Last of Us in the evening.
7/2/2023, 8:46 PM
Told NaNg that if he wants to have control over his mind, he has to stop visualizing everything he’s going to do before he does it. Had him try to focus on an object and count.
Had dinner at Birria Guadalajara
8/2/2023, 3:18 PM
Adult Asian man across the street from Phillip, was tilting his head in a blocking fashion while I was trying to retrieve memory about where my paper about my motorcycle is. I then visualized myself entering him through his arm, crawling up to his head, and then my head “spun” around, with heavy focus towards the center of my forehead and “crushing” “bugs.”
11/2/2023, 4:12 PM
Got a call to look at porn at 3:33. The quick link to pornhub was gone and I stopped.
Tried the tepache at night, it’s good.
12/2/2023, 9:11 PM
Had the church’s lunch for the first time. Chicken taco with rice and beans. The beans were exceptional.
Super Bowl Sunday, very busy at MM. Yvette and Chip were there. Lots of food.
Wonderboom and PhTr’s toy bag were stolen while working. Stopped at Trader Joe’s afterwards. Had cacao juice for the first time, quite refreshing.
13/2/2023, 10:10 PM
Picked up dad’s cartridges. Went to Planet 13 first and the cashier there was highly Briannaish. Went to Evergreen afterwards and the cashier there with a beautiful face was highly Nicoletteish. 🤜💎
The fact that there is no limit to the density of information just crossed my mind, prior to taking a “accelerated” gander at my phone. 🦇
14/2/2023
Song joined me for NaNg. I had technical difficulty with the website, as usual, and chuckled about it. Song interpreted it as a personal attack. She told me to finish my notes at home. Nhi later told me that Song complained about me. I texted Song an explanation of events, but she ignored my text. She later gave me a written warning for for laughing at the tablet and declining to finish my notes at home. I responded that there was no violation in her warning, and asked what she was reprimanding me for. She said “insubordination and insolence.” I responded that she wrote that I was laughing at the iPad, and that declining to work off-the-clock is neither insubordination nor insolence, and that she does not even have the right to ask me to do so. She incorrectly responded that she did not ask me to work off-the-clock, and that the insubordination was wrt laughing. In response, I quoted her words back to her, showing her that she did in fact ask me to work off the clock. Because she continued to insist that I was mocking her, I let her know that she was rejecting my own interpretation and reasoning behind my behavior as explicitly stated to her, and replacing it with her own. Women do this to write their own preferred stories in their heads.
15/2/2023
Quin joined us for PhTr. She and I had a big talk. She thought I was being condescending with a smirk, but I explained that I was unable to control the micro expressions on my face, and she accepted that. She also said I was raising my voice at her, and my voice was loud, but I wasn’t angry (although there was some frustration available) and was only speaking with the only voice available to me the time.
18/2/2023, 1:15 PM
Bought a Platinum cartridge from Weden and used it.
Hitler served as a role model of the master propagandist.
19/2/2023
Temple and sesshin. 1
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2023.08.22 00:28 Visible-Welder-5148 Don quixote vs Hachiman part 3

Orochi:again grabbed it with ease as he punched him on the guts and throwing him on the ground*haha
Don quixote:stood back up as he rushed at him*Corte del herue Estrella nasiente
Orochi:grabbed the sword as he kicked him away*
Don quixote:my dear battle spirit hrist how are you doing he said standing back up
Hrist:I'm doing ok my dear knightshe said as she stood up breathing heavy with tuns of cuts
Don quixote:then let's get going he said as he rushed at orochi once more
As he keept slashing or trying to as he keept getting blocked and thrown away over and over as he keept standing up over and over again as hrist in sword form keept getting small cracks
Orochi:grabbed the sword with his full handyou seem to not be getting the message old manhe said grabbing sword harder*
As it began to Crack more and more as their was almost broken
Orochi:stay down you pathetic old manhe said as he closed his hand breaking the sword in half
As then the volund came undone as he returned to being an old man skiny
Don quixote:grabbed the broken fragment of hrist as he went to stab*double estocada del herue
Orochi:dint even dodge it as it dint even budge true the his clothing as he grabbed him by the kneckok then I'll let you have your anti climatic end you pathetic fake hero *As he trew hrist away
Don quixote:as the word face hero echoed in his head* As we jump into his eye
"I was born into a poor family barely able to afford a simple slice of bread but I wad happy thanks to that man"
Cervantes:Alonso I am backthe man said as as he closed the door
Alonso:rushed at him as he gave him a hug with a big smile*dad your back
Cervantes:yes I am Alonso and I also have a surprise for youhe said hiding something behind his back
Alonso:really what is it
Cervantes:it's a surprise so close your eyes
Alonso:quickly closed them as he awaited*
Cervantes:now extend your hands foward
Alonso:put then foward as something big fell on his hands *
Cervantes:and open them
Alonso:opened them as it was a book titled "The tales of the great QUIXOTE " As he gasped*its this really for me
Cervantes:it is now go ahead give it a little readhe said with a smile messing up his sons hair
Alonso:gave a giggle as he began to read it in a slured voice*
"That book was my greatest treasure I read it over and over again at all times of the day and everywhere"
Alonso:was reading it while in the floor as his father was snoringnear him*
"While I was supposed to be sleeping " Alonso:was reading it while a fishing rod was in the water*
"While I was catching us Food"
Alonso:was Giving it little peeks while he was cleaning *
"While I was cleaning my life could be better even if it wasn't mutch that book and my dad was my everything untell that day"
Cervantes:had a bag of potatoes over his shoulder*ok son I'm gonna go get something real quick so ima need you to be a knight for me and protect the house like it's a castle can you do it champ
Alonso:yes dad I canhe said with a smile
Cervantes:ok then champ I'll see you in a little bit*as he left the house *
Alonso:sat there infront the door as he began to wait*
As outside day turned to night real over and over true the window
"I waited there for what seemed like an eternity waited for my dad to return as those days turned to weeks those weeks turned to months and the months to years"
Alonso:was walking back from fishing as he saw a small man was getting mugged by a group of 3 guys*hey what are you doing
Mugger:none of your business so get lost
Alonso:no I don't think will*he said as he rushed at them *
5 minutes later
Quixote:was on the floor bloodied his bag stolen*
Guy:I'm really thankful senor I am Sancho panza may I get your name
Don Quixote :my name is Don quixote de la manchahe laughed
"That was the day our friendship was born and after that we went on tons of adventures together we were like brothers bur sadly i came in sick"
Don quixote:was coughing *im sorry pancho but the witches curse is to strong seems I might not win
Pancho:it's ok don quixote you will die with honor sir
Don quixote:ok Pancho we can stop the act I'm gonna die alone still playing knight after so many years I feel pathetic
Pancho:you are not come on man you can pull trough
Don quixote:thankyou pancho you were indeed my best friend and the best squire a man could have*as he closed his eyes *
"I died that day a pathetic delusional old man and it seems like it's gonna happen again"
End of flashback
Don quixote:was trying to break free*
Orochi:still trying old man come on give up already you are done for
Sancho:COME ON QUIXOTE KEEP GOING YOU CAN DO IT
Lancelot:I hate to admit it buthe said taking a deep breathCOME ON QUIXOTE CAMELOT IS BACKING YOU UP DONT DISSAPOINT US
as then the knights of the round table began to cheer his name as soon the whole stadium shouted it as then everyone else followed as in that moment humanity had reached consensus for the man who was fighting to win as the only thing that came out was
"GO GET THAT BEAST QUIXOTE"
Brunhilde:this is unexpected
Quixote:"I can't let them down I gotta do something "As he tried to grab a sword
As then he grabbed a sword as quixote sliced off orochis arm off
Orochi:backed off as he re attached his arm*who do you think you are to slice my arm off
Don quixote:grabbed the other part of hrist as he put them together*I am sorry my dear valkery for doing this to you
Hrist:was slashed in multiple parts barely alive*its ok my dear knight don't worry know we need to do this
Orochi:don't you dare ignore me Orochi ga kuitsukuas he launched a giant snake at him
Don quixote:with the katana he sliced it in half*thankyou hachiman I'm sorry we could talk more
Orochi:Yamatanōrochi Hebi no kenjaAs he launched a ton of snakes
Don quixote:sliced them with a sudden extreme skill*
Orochi:where did you get this fucking strengh you pathetic old man
Don quixote:like I said a hero shall get the strength to defeat there enemies from nowhere he said as he grabbed them with forcehrist can we do it once more
Hrist:started laughing *of course hero of la mancha
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2023.08.11 17:37 clearliquidclearjar TALLAHASSEE WEEKLY EVENTS, 8/11 – 8/16

Events are listed by the day. Events that happen every week appear first, one time stuff after that. If you have anything you’d like people to know about, comment here or message me and I’ll add it in. If you’d like further info about any of the events, look it up! I usually don’t have any extra to add.
Large Scale, Ongoing, and Multi-Day Events
Local Running, Walking, and Biking Info: https://troubleafoot.blogspot.com/
Live Theater:
OutdooFarmer’s Markets:
THURSDAY, 8/10
  • Sorry!
FRIDAY, 8/11
  • Blue Tavern: Happy Hour with Everett Young. 5pm
  • Hobbit West: Friday Night Dart Tournament. Anyone can Enter! Sign ups at 7:30, Darts fly at 8:00/$10 entry fee
  • Ouzts Too: Karaoke with DJ Nathan. Best karaoke DJ in town. 8pm
  • The Bar at La Casa: Latin Night. 8pm
  • Just One More: Karaoke with DJ Rah. 9pm-11pm/21+
  • 926: The Hot Friday Night Party and Drag Show. 9pm/$5/18+
  • The Hub at Feather Oaks: Deja Blu. 5:30pm
  • Hurricane Grill: Sinners + Saints. 6pm
  • Southwood Golf Club: BabyGray. 6:30pm
  • Salty Dawg: Kade Williamson. 6:30pm
  • La Tiendita Mexican Restaurant: Isa y El Combo Machete. 6:30pm
  • Lake Tribe: Eli Fenenbock. 6:30pm
  • Birds: Mourning Station and ill advised. 7pm
  • The Getaway Grill and Bar: The Allie Cats. 7pm
  • The Rose Room: World Peace, Terror Cell Unit, Skin Cathedral, and Murder Suicide. 7pm
  • Fish Camp: Michael Miller Band. 7pm
  • The Wine House on Marke Street: Midnight Caravan. 7pm
  • Oyster City Brewing Co: Joe Godfrey. 7pm
  • Tallahassee Senion Center: Tally Contra Dance w/ Vicki Morrison & In Cahoots. 7:15pm
  • House of Music: The Mae West Band. 8pm
  • The Bark: Women’s Comedy Night. * The Humortals partnering with Planned Parenthood and TCAC put on an all women lineup of local comedy to benefit the Florida Access Network!* 8:30pm
  • Duke’s and Dottie’s: Dolly Parton Night. Howdy, Dolly darlings! Get ready to shine like a rhinestone as we celebrate the iconic Dolly Parton! Do your best Dolly attire and join us for a rip-roarin' good time. We're talkin' line dancing lessons from 7:30 to 9 PM, followed by a rootin' tootin' costume contest where the sassiest Dolly lookalike wins a $100 bar tab! And guess what, sugar? There ain't no cover charge – it's all free as a bird! So polish up those boots, tease that hair, and let's two-step our way into a night of Dolly dazzle! 8pm
  • American Legion Hall: Packrat’s Men of the Swamp. 8pm
  • Barrell Proof: Colby Scheib. 8pm
  • Blue Tavern: Songwriters in the Round with Elizabeth Fravel, Jen Clark, and Gillian Canning. 8pm
  • Square Mug: Castover, Subpotent, and Pineapple Tuesday. 8pm
  • SoLook Tally (434 Famu Way): Purity Filter B2B Vertigoaway, Rains Deaf, DJ Computerman, Cade Parker, Alpha Nine, and Ahri. 9pm
  • Over Under: Brown Goose Duo. 9pm
  • Fire Bettys: Pop Punk & Emo Night. 10pm/$10/21+
SATURDAY, 8/12
  • Brinkley Glen Park: Invasive Plant Removal. Join Master Gardener Volunteers at this weekly invasive plant removal event. This is a great way to learn to ID our invasive plant species and how to remove them. We recommend wearing long pants and sleeves, closed-toed shoes, gloves, a hat and mosquito spray. Bring gardening tools such as hand clippers, loppers, trowels, etc. if you have them. We are removing coral ardisia bushes and berries, nandina, tung trees, Tradescantia flumenensis, cat's claw vine, winged yam, Japanese climbing fern, skunkvine and more. Directions: The best way to get there is to take Meridian Rd to Waverly Rd, go to the next intersection and turn left onto Abbotsford Way, then turn left at the next road called Woodside Dr. At the stop sign turn left onto Lothian. Lothian ends in a cul-de-sac and there is a sign that says Brinkley Glen Park. 8:30am-11:30am
  • Gamescape: Saturday Gaming. Gamescape has relocated from Railroad Square to the Huntington Oaks Plaza (Suite 302, next to the Library) at N Monroe St and Fred George Rd. Open gaming tables are available. Noon-6pm
  • Lake Tribe: The Dog Days of Summer. We're paw-ssionate about welcoming dogs to our brewery so to kick-off the first weekend of 𝑠𝑢𝑚𝑚𝑒𝑟, we're going to have a dog paw-ty! We'll have live music, food trucks, special pop-up booths, dog bandanas, dog-themed shirts, dog treats, and plenty of beer on tap! 4pm
  • The Rose Room: The Rose Revue. Performances by your favorite entertainers and special guests! Shows at 8pm, 10pm, & Midnight! A unique cast EACH show! 7pm
  • Duke’s and Dottie’s: Line Dancing Plus Lessons. 7pm/21+
  • Bird’s Oyster Shack: Laughterday Night Fever. This week: Five Year Anniversary Laughterday Night Fever! Join us every Saturday at Bird's Aphrodisiac Oyster Shack for a free comedy show! 8:30pm
  • La Casa Bar: Karaoke With Nathan. 9pm-1am
  • The Bark: Sickening Saturday Drag Show. 10:30/$10/18+
  • Railroad Square: Second Saturday. Second Saturdays in Railroad Square Art District are great for family fun! Each store & eatery at the Square will have something special: either demos, live music, sales and freebies, and other great fun! All day but concentrated in the evening.
  • Native Nurseries: Make Your Yard Florida Friendly with Rachel Mathes. Your yard matters! Manage it to help protect Florida’s environment by using the Nine Principles of Florida Friendly Landscaping. Rachel Mathes, a Horticulture Program Agent for the UF/IFAS-Leon County Extension, will share her goals for the program and then guide you through the steps you can take to create a more sustainable yard sing the Florida Friendly principles. REGISTRATION IS REQUIRED via PHONE ORDER. There is a $5.00 fee; your payment holds your spot in the class. Please call (850) 386-8882 to pre-register.10am
  • Making Awesome: Open House. 10am
  • Carter Howell Strong Park: Frenchtown Renaissance Festival Ft Kendra Foster, Longineu Parsons & Anita Franklin. Join DRMI (and Mark & Bernice McMillan) in the historic neighborhood of Frenchtown for this FREE annual festival-styled event offering info/resources from over 40 human services, environmental, entrepreneurs, mental health & wellness, employment, and many more organizations, featuring music by Grammy Award winning Kendra Foster, Dr. Longineu Parsons, Anita Franklin; community safety panel, food, games/activities for the kids, & more. Noon-4pm
  • The Bespoke Rabbit in RR Sq: Second Saturday with Block Printing Demo. Stop out to Railroad Square for Second Saturday’s in the Art Park! The Bespoke Rabbit will be hosting block printing demonstrations throughout the afternoon, as well as hands on options with fun take-always! Find demonstrations & exclusive in-store sales going on throughout the Art Park. Noon-5pm
  • Tallahassee Harley Davidson: Endless Summer Party. Don't want summer to end? You don't have to anymore! Come join us for our Endless Summer Party! We've got amazing food, ice-cold drinks, and fun games planned - what more could you want? Don't miss out on this epic opportunity to make summer last forever! Noon-4pm
  • Monticello: August Second Saturday. Come on out for Second Saturday in Downtown Monticello! We will have extended shopping hours! Entertainment for the kids including a bounce house, face painting and more! Snow cones and cotton candy! There will be a beer tent for the adults! Fun for all downtown Monticello! We hope to see you there! 4pm-8pm
  • Blue Tavern: 2nd & 4th Saturday Old Time Jam. 4pm
  • The Moon: The Pyramid Players present Pirates of Devil Island. Co-written by Pyramid Studios' playwriting class, "Pirates of Devil Island" is an original swashbuckling musical adventure featuring a magnificent collection of awesome characters who will steal your heart and have you rolling in the aisles. Watch as an ill-fated (and very cursed) prince, along with his loyal servant, set off to sea on a great adventure with a motley band of pirates to find their true hearts desires! Will they have what it takes to reverse the curse or will the evil sorcerer take the throne? Join us to find out! The doors open at 5 p.m. EST with a Pyramid-wide Art Show & Sale, a Silent Auction and a spread of hors d'oeuvres only our volunteers could pull off. Curtain is at 7 p.m. 5pm/$10
  • The Hub at Feather Oaks: Brown Goose. 5:30pm
  • Hurricane Grill: 4 Stix. 6pm
  • Fish Camp: Saylor Dollar. 6pm
  • Lake Tribe: One Eyed JAK. 6pm
  • Fire Bettys: Scott Campbell’s Birthday Jam featuring live music from Wida Potnisa and members of The New 76ers, Revival, and more. 7pm/21+
  • The Getaway Grill and Bar: Double Play. 7pm
  • Waterworks: Rachel Hillman and Friends. 7pm
  • Blue Tavern: White Raven. 8pm
  • American Legion Hall: Big Al & The Heavyweights. 8pm
  • House of Music: Gareth Pearson. 8pm
  • The Bark: Herakleion with Nightfall Ends, Smoke Mountain, and Speed Runner. 8pm
  • Common Ground Books: August CGB Movie Night! Red, White, and Royal Blue. Join us Saturday August 12 for a special movie on the back lawn! We will be showing Red, White, and Royal Blue based off the best selling novel by the same name by Casey McQuiston (premiere date Friday August 11). Come join us for a fun-filled evening and watch with us premiere weekend! More information coming soon. The movie will begin at sundown. Hot beverages and popcorn will be provided. This is a free event but a $5 donation to our food pantry or gender affirming closet is appreciated. 8:30pm
  • 926: Thunder The Snake, Trial By Stone Rebel Sound, Chaos & The Crimson Wing, and The Flask Brothers. 8:30pm
  • Finnegan’s Wake: Tim Russell. 9pm
SUNDAY, 8/13
  • Bicycle House: Sunday Ride. Ride at 10:30 AM from Bicycle House. We will ride the Cascades trail to the St Marks trail and down to Wakulla station and return, about 31 miles. Ride speed is 12 to 14 mph, with periodic regroups. Vernon Bailey is the ride leader. Vernon is a new CCC member who’s been biking for 50 years enjoys riding with small groups and weekend touring. 10am
  • Halisi Africa: Soulful Sundays. Join us for Motherland Brunch at Halisi Africa. We'll be serving our brunch special including an appetizer, main course, a sweet, and our signature African mimosas we call ukwaju. The event will also feature an art exhibition by Christopher Barnhart and live entertainment by local artists. 11am
  • E Peck Greene Park (Behind the LeRoy Collins Library): Food Not Bombs Free Mealshare. We offer free vegetarian/vegan food, water, coffee, personal care & hygiene products, bus passes, and clothing when we have some available to those in need. Contact [email protected] to find out about getting involved. Noon-2pm
  • Gamescape: Pokémon League. Come learn, play, and trade with the Pokémon Trading Card Game and the Pokémon video games! We LOVE seeing new players, so come learn how to play! We play both the Trading Card Game and the Video Game casually and competitively. The store offers lots of different seating arrangements to meet our group's needs, as well as food, drinks, and Pokémon products for purchase. We are also hold regular, officially sanctioned tournaments for Pokémon Trading Card Game and Video Game Competitions! 2-4pm
  • Lake Tribe: Colby Scheib. 3pm
  • House of Music: Songwriter Sunday. Songwriters of Tallahassee hosted by Rachel Hillman. Bring your original songs on Sunday - sign up is at 4:30. No Cover Songs please - this is an event celebrating original music. Accompanists and Bands Welcome - you must be able to set up within two minutes, so no crazy pedals or amp shenanigans. No Backing Tracks - Please find someone to play your song with you. 5pm
  • The Plant: Open Jam. All instruments, all players welcome. 5pm-9pm
  • House of Music: Perkins Street Pickers. 5pm
  • Oyster City Brewing: Comedy Night. Come have some laughs with us on Sunday nights! If you are interested in participating in the show, reach out to [email protected] 7:30pm
  • The Rose Room: Synful Sunday. 8pm
  • Common Ground Books: Community Clothing Swap. Bring some old clothes you never wear to find a new home. You might even find something new for yourself. 2pm
  • Fish Camp: DeJa Blu. 3pm
**MONDAY, 8/14
  • Just One More: Bingo. 5pm-6:30pm
  • American Legion Hall: Cha Cha - Weekly Lessons. 6:15pm/$5
  • Hangar 38: Bingo. 6:45pm
  • Vino Beano: Tipsy Trivia. 7pm
  • The Rose Room: Karaoke Night. 8pm
TUESDAY, 8/15
  • Blue Tavern: Boleros Happy Hour. 5pm
  • The Rose Room: Drag Bingo and Open Stage Night ft. Britney T. Foxx! 6pm
  • The Getaway Grille: Tuesday Night Bikes and Trikes. 6pm
  • Oyster City Brewing Company: Tuesday Night Beer-go! 6pm
  • The Rose Room: Queer Dinner and a Movie! 6pm
  • Crafty Crab: BOOMIN' Karaoke. 7pm
  • Gamescape: Hobby Night. Slay the grey together! Join your fellow gamers and turn your pile of grey miniatures into a battle ready army. Need some painting tips? Feel free to ask at hobby night. You can bring any miniature for any game to paint. 7pm
  • Ology Midtown: Jazz Jam Sessions. 7pm
  • Island Wings: Trivia. 7pm
  • House of Music: Tuesday Trivia & Karaoke. 7pm
  • American Legion Hall: Tallahassee Swing Band Tuesday Night Dance. 7:30pm
  • Burrito Boarder: Karaoke with DJ Roldus. 8pm
  • Poor Pauls: Trivia. 8pm/21+
  • Blue Tavern: Bluesday Tuesday with Bill Ricci. Every Tuesday is Blues Day @ the Blue Tavern and Blues Meets Girl is a Tallahassee favorite. This perfect, intimate venue provides just what you need for both a mid-week break and authentic blues music experience. 8pm/$5
  • 4th Quarter: Professor Jim's Tuesday Night Trivia. Popular for a reason! 8pm
  • Argonaut Coffee: Trivia Tuesday. 8pm
  • 926: Tacos and Trivia. 9pm
  • Fire Betty’s: Comedy Show. 9pm/21+
WEDNESDAY, 8/16
  • Rose Room: Women's Wednesday. Featuring Our Rose Roulettes and drink specials all night long. A night for all of our female-identifying friends to enjoy a safe space and an awesome happy hour! 6pm-2am
  • Blue Tavern: The Wednesday Night Lab Session. 5pm
  • Sugar and Spice Tally: Game Night. Join us every Wednesday Night for community game night. Bring your own or use ours! Let me know if you need to reserve space for a large group. Free to attend! 5pm
  • Tara Angel’s Magic: D&D Experience - Adult (18+) Group. Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition - Candlekeep Mysteries. A one-shot is a D&D event that starts and finishes in the same session, typically lasting 3 - 4 hours. We have pre-generated characters for players to choose from. WHAT TO BRING: Pencils, Dice (can be purchased in store), Mask (encouraged for unvaccinated participants), Enthusiasm! Please sign up in advance to reserve a spot in this campaign. Tickets can be purchased in-store, over the phone, or on the website. For more information, please email [email protected], or call: (850) 878-4555 6pm-9pm
  • Goodwood: Wonderful Wednesday. 6pm/$5
  • Gamescape: Tallahassee Go Club Meetings. Come play the captivating ancient game of Go, also known as Baduk, with some friendly games and discussions. Beginners welcome. Visit https://www.tallahasseegoclub.com for more information. 6pm
  • Level 8 Rooftop Lounge: Trivia. 6pm
  • The Great Games Library: Open Game Night. 6pm/free
  • American Legion Hall: Sue Boyd Country Western and More Dance Class. Session 2 - Beginner 6:30 to 7:45 pm What: East Coast Swing and Waltz. Cost: $8.00 per person. Wear comfortable shoes you can turn in. 7:45 to 8:15 - Practice dance with paid admission. 8:15 to 9:30: Intermediate - 2 Step and WCS. $8.00 per person or $13.00 for both classes. Vaccines are required. Face masks are optional. Changing partners is optional. 6:30pm
  • Perry Lynn’s Smokehouse in Quincy: Wed Night Open Mic w/ Steven Ritter and Friends. 6:30pm
  • Hangar 38: Trivia. 6:45pm
  • Oyster City Brewing Tallahassee: Trivia. Teams up to 6 players for three rounds with 10 questions and a tie breaker each round. Winners are by round so don’t worry if you need to come late or can’t stay the whole time! Prizes include a round of beer, a 6 pack and a gift card! 7pm
  • Proof: Trivia. 7pm
  • Vino Beano: Wine Bingo. 7pm
  • Fermentation Lounge: Trivia. 7pm
  • Blue Tavern: Wednesday Open Mic with Doc Russell. The open mic night that has run continuously for almost 20 years, once housed at the Warehouse, lives on at the Blue Tavern. Doc Russell continues as the host with the most. Sign up starts at 7:45pm/free to attend
  • House of Music: Bar Bingo! Free to Play & Late Night Karaoke. 7pm
  • The Bar at La Casa: MidWeek KARAOKE! 7pm
  • Fire Betty’s: Karaoke! 8pm/21+/free
  • Dukes and Dotties: College Night and Line Dancing Lessons. 8pm
  • South Station: Summer Movie Nights. 8:30pm/free
  • The Bark: Karaoke with DJ Nathan. Best karaoke DJ in town. 9pm
  • 926: Dragged Out Wednesday. 10pm
  • Mission San Luis: Mission San Damian de Escambe Lecture. Join us for the final lecture in our FREE lecture series featuring contributors to the book, "Unearthing the Missions of Spanish Florida," published by University of Florida Press in 2021. WINE RECEPTION: 6 pm, LECTURE 6:30-7:30 pm + Q&A. The Apalachee Mission San Damian de Escambe was founded in 1639, just over 2 miles north of Mission San Luis. This presentation reviews information we know about the site and, based on new research, proposes updated interpretations of the architectural features, areas, and artifacts excavated by State Archaeologist B. Calvin Jones in the 1960s. The presentation also includes insights into the Apalachee experience during the Mission Period. Nicholas Yarbrough, Senior Archaeologist, Florida Bureau of Archaeological Research, will be the presenter for this lecture. 6pm
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2023.07.22 00:13 dlschindler Night Of The Munes

"Simplify, simplify, simplify as much as possible without losing the essential of what is sought."
-Frederick Judd Waugh
The Clan Of Munes had captured my imagination like no other story before. It was a children's book, written by one of my ancestors. He had written and illustrated a story about a medicine man of the Pacific Northwest natives that had created living creatures from driftwood. His magic had helped him find the ingredients that had some of the leftover power from the creation of the world. Then his magic had helped him to shape them roughly into humanoid beings and to bring them to life. He gave them their powers, including invulnerability to fire. In the end, however, the medicine man could not command them. In their revolt they destroyed his home and drove him from their island, never to return.
Besides his one book he was a skilled artist that specialized in seascapes. The author's art designs had fought in the war as more than just simple patterns. The Navy called it camouflage, but it was more than that, for his efforts actually protected all the ships that were painted. His spirit was one of guidance and harmony and his powers of protection and blessings were genuine.
I needed those protective powers. I needed his guidance and wisdom. I had completed my training with the Coastguard and my first adventures quickly taught me of the power and rage of the sea. I had to experience multiple failures that resulted in the deaths of three people that I was responsible for rescuing.
I sat in the dark at Black Whale in North Cove, sipping my misery very slowly and savoring the bitter burn. Outside the sea had claimed the land, carrying away nearly a thousand feet of shoreline since the beginning of the town. It was the world's fastest eroding coastline; cursed by those whose land this once was.
"Used to be a mile to the shore from here." McReady said to me from his table. We were the only two drinking that night at Black Whale.
After a few minutes of silence followed his words I said quietly and firmly:
"Don't talk to me." And then I looked up at him and he saw I meant it.
He had a pitcher of amber ale, the kind with a lion on it. When he finished it he decided it was now okay to talk to me and began with some insults. All I could do was nod and agree, frowning with the menace of my threatened emotions. He was saying:
"Couldn't help them when they hit the Columbia Bar? Too dangerous for you? Just let them get torn to pieces by the waves? Pieces of them kids washed up. Sea washes away the land and spits out the dead." He was reminding me with a little too much mirth and mayhem in his voice.
The bartender was clearing his throat at McReady. Mcready ignored him and offered me some more of his slurred prose:
"Graveyard of the Pacific. They don't stay buried, do they? You didn't have to pull on a dog's leash. Not your job to pick up what's left of them when the sea spits them back out. Body bags had sand in them." McReady said and then raised his voice to say the last part again: "Body bags had sand in them. Sand and dead bodies, obviously."
"Goodnight McReady." The bartender cut him off and offered the old Marine a salute.
"Johnny boy here thinks he likes it. He looks like he's listening. Couldn't hear a damn thing over the crashing waves, couldn't hear their screams, could you?" McReady surmised for me. "Could you hear them screaming kids, their voices raw with the saltwater and their eyes white with foam? Can you hear them over the roar of the mighty sea when you sleep? When you look down from the sky and see their open mouths, the sea swallowing them up, can you hear them?"
"That's right." I tried to speak but the sound was choked and hoarse. I just nodded instead. I wanted to get angry with him and fight him, but it was no good. The man was Jonah, the prophet, and Black Whale was Nineveh.
"That's enough, Mcready. Get out, go home. You and Johnny are friends here, so knock it off." The bartender chastised.
"That right, Johnny boy? Are we friends?" McReady looked amazed at the revelation. "I didn't know either of us had any friends."
"I'm your friend, McReady. If you are trapped out there, I come to save you. That's my job. I am with the Coastguard."
"So, does that mean that Matilda wasn't your friend?" McReady suddenly sounded too sober for my liking.
I stood up with instant regret at the gesture. His words had hurt and I felt the need to fight or run away. Instead I controlled my instinct and sat back down, patting the table gently. I was then biting my own mouth in a variety of facial contortions of a man struggling with rapidly changing emotions. I shook my head very slowly and took a deep breath. I was only halfway through my shot and decided to just finish it. I don't enjoy alcohol and when it was done I would gladly pay for the poison.
"I tried." I looked up and said defensively.
"Lots of good it did her. She didn't even wash up on shore like them kids from the first adventure. Just lost at sea, forever." McReady's voice sounded appropriately drunk when he told Matilda's story. I nodded appreciatively and got slowly up as I tossed some green wadded paper onto the old wooden table.
"Goodnight McReady." I said as I left Black Whale.
The eroded shoreline was like my eroded soul. I was no hero nor savior. I was just a messenger for the ways of the sea. Just a pall bearer of misfortune. I was nothing but a failed rescuer. What was the point of all my training and my so-called courage if it only amounted to watching people die?
The darkness of the Pacific stood in silent emptiness for unfathomable distances. The moonlit clouds watched me and judged me. The stars held their conference in cold and uncaring eons of an endless void. My eyes reflected the washaway of my soul and the sea collected all of it. The sea was a vengeful god punishing a mortal for challenging its boundless majesty. I felt damned.
"I know you!" I suddenly had to let it all out and I was screaming at the waters. "I know! Damn you!" I let it out like a howling wind, my lungs swelling painfully in my chest until I had to breathe. I fell to my knees, my head a whirlpool, my hands clutching the grass of the sand dune in front of me. There was a kind of echoless silence that lasted until I heard an owl ask me if I was done with the disturbance. I was done so I made myself get up and to begin walking along the shore.
I wasn't sure where I was going. Then I reached the ruins of the old Coastguard base, destroyed by the unbridled revenge of the sea and wiped out from the untempered waves as they came rolling and crashing in. I felt like a ghost while standing there looking at the halfway submerged foundations. Nothing made sense anymore, not while I felt so unfulfilled.
I had dedicated my life to the job and at twenty-three I had joined. I had always wanted to be in the Coastguard. It was stupid, a commercial for a career in the Coastguard had inspired me when I turned thirteen. I had insisted on swimming lessons although I was actually afraid of water. I wanted it so badly, to be the man I had seen in that commercial, that I had forgotten to be afraid. I drowned on my first day at the pool, before the lesson had even started.
It did nothing to make me remember how to fear the water. I was truly inspired and I came back for every lesson. I became an advanced swimmer, athletic and dedicated. I became a lifeguard and worked out in gym. I had no interest in girlfriends or video games or much else. Instead I could feel myself growing into the man I had envisioned I could become.
I learned all about the history and traditions of the United States Coastguard. I learned every kind of appropriate skill, long before I ever applied. I knew how to sail, how to tie knots, basic navigation and survival skills. I loved camping or going sailing so I could practice my skills. When I was twenty I got into a flight school and within two years I had over three hundred hours of combined helicopter and airplane piloting.
From there I went and got my scuba diving certification. During that winter I dated one of my diving classmates, my first girlfriend. When Lilith learned how important the Coastguard was to me she backed off. She explained that she didn't want a widow's watch, wouldn't marry a sailor who was so brave. Before she dumped me: she made love with me. Then she was gone.
My application in Tukwila was a monumental day for me. It felt like I had prepared for that moment my entire life. My recruiter didn't know what to say to me and it was only later that I understood that he had never met anyone like me before. I graduated at the top of my class from the Coastguard Academy. It was then that I understood what I had brought with me to the table. I had almost realized my dream. Only one thing remained:
I was to be put to the test.
I was stationed near Grayland in a beautiful and God-fearing community called North Cove. I was trained for the most dangerous job that they had to offer: rescue diver. It was not long before my first call.
I was not killed during my first mission. Only those I was supposed to save died. Later their bodies, or what was left of them, washed up on the shore.
I was haunted by my own mortality. I was nearly killed in the deadly moment of truth. Those who had relied on salvation from me had looked up to find nothing. Although I had tried, I was unable to save them.
I did not have enough time to resign afterward. As soon as I had decided that I was a failure, and that I needed to quit, there was another mission. It was worse, as fire and horror claimed her life and there was nothing I could do to save her. I wished I had died on the missions so I wouldn't have to face the discovery that I was a worthless coward.
I could not look at my own reflection. I had learned that I was not the man I had meant to become. I had learned that no amount of bravery could pave over true and utter cowardice. Just because a man faces danger and dives into those raging waters doesn't mean he is worthy. I was not worthy.
The true coward knows his own lies. The great liar can rush into a maelstrom of terror, telling himself that such an act is selfless and heroic. He can reach for the drowning and catch only the dead. Then the truth is there for all to witness, that this man is not a hero, he is only an accomplice to a false hope. I did not have the true courage to face my own failures and continue as a symbol of 'not quite good enough'. I had to be a hero or nothing at all.
I could not wear a false face of pride, a mask, a parody, a mockery of the man I had tried to be. I thought back to that stupid commercial. Ten years ago and I could still remember it like the night sky was the projection screen of my sundered dream. It played silently, ghost-like on the sheets of clouds.
I stood there for a long time, shivering. I looked upon a strange sight on the beach. I saw a fire of burning driftwood with nobody around. I went to it and sat there, wondering who had gathered the wood, set it ablaze and then disappeared. Nobody showed up while I sat there. When the fire burned low, I stood up.
From that moment onward I had begun my journey towards truth and manhood. I had sat at the light of the Great Spirit and stared deeply into it. I had enjoyed the warmth of the spark of creation and knew a feeling of renewal. Immediately the pain inside my own stormy seas became calm. Ancestral echoes swept over me, carried on the four winds into me.
A strange new courage was in me. My vision quest had begun from where I became lost in my own destroyed coastline. Had I known the terrors and awfulness of that place I would never have strayed upon it. To trespass into one's own darkness, in such a terrible night, was to learn that ultimate fear exists. No amount of bravery can protect a man from such a destiny.
I walked to the edge of the water where the fog was rising as ghosts. An unseaworthy dugout was there. Painted upon it were the designs of the people of this land. Long gone were their ways, their medicine men, their magic. They were all but gone themselves. I climbed into the canoe and found the pointed oar. The wood felt alive and warm where I sat and where I held the oar.
I began to paddle out into the darkness, somehow the waves did not stop me. I should have flipped into the waters before long, but instead the sea was unnaturally calm and the fog quickly took away the land. There was no going back.
I stopped rowing and just sat and savored the emptiness I felt. Then I could hear it, the wooden tapping and sweet flute, a song like the rings of the sun. They played there upon the beach of an unknown coast in the firelight of dead bark and roots. The canoe was drawn to their shore and I climbed out, taking the oar with me out of fear of what I had seen. Perhaps I would need to defend myself.
My feet left footprints as I trembled at the sight I had glimpsed and approached. Climbing the rocks of their world, I hid and watched them. They danced around their fire, celebrating my defeat. Each of them was like a short twisted comedy of nasty design.
I stared, horrified by the spectacle and enthralled by their beautiful music. They had voices like those of men and women and they sang in a language completely unknowable, for it repeated the voice I had given them, with the knowledge of damnation that I had screamed. This is where my echo had died and upon the shore where the wave of my despair had broken.
The horrid little monsters flailed and leapt and ran and danced with creaking swaying branches for arms and legs. Their bodies were carved totems and their eyes sat asymmetrically within the wooden skulls. Their heads were carved pieces of wood that evoked both animal and demon. They were celebrating around and around their fire with their human voices raised in a song of words that belonged to their language.
The realization that I was seeing the mythical creatures, the Munes, gradually became a thought in my clear mind. They were entirely real, as impossible as that was, and I was witnessing them as they partied late into the night. It was a pandemonium of their wicked shapes spinning and gesturing so that I knew the meaning of their festivities. These creatures were happy that I was spiritually vanquished.
My fear kept me hidden. If they saw me then they would vanquish me the rest of the way. Each of them held a spear longer than their bodies which they thrust into the darkness with obvious menace as a repeating part of their dance.
Then the clan's native music was blasted by unexpected light and noise from the water. Another boat had arrived without warning. They did not seem to realize what was happening on the beach and responded with Del Shannon's Runaway. Their light scanned the rocks I was on as they were passing my hiding place. I stood up and tried to wave to them a warning with my thumbs across my palms and by closing my fists. I followed that with throwing back motions, hoping they would realize I was warning them, they should at least fear that there were hidden rocks ahead. Their light was on me and they still couldn't make out what was happening on the beach.
The creatures scattered and took up hidden positions, leaving an abandoned beach fire like the one that my adventure had begun with. I tried to shout to the boat: "Danger! Danger!"
It was to no effect. They crazily drove their boat up onto the sand, still blaring their odd classic selection. They got out of their boat and began to head towards the flames, like suicidal moths.
I came running out of the darkness at the teenagers yelling: "Get back! Get out of here!"
"What is the matter?" Their jock asked, grinning stupidly.
"I'm with the Coastguard. This island is very dangerous. You all have got to leave, right now!" I told them with deadly seriousness in my voice. Even after descending the rocks and running at a mad dash to their position I wasn't even panting. The jock noticed how fast I had moved and without losing my breath.
"Your in hella good shape." He acknowledged.
"I'm trying to save your life! This beach isn't safe! They will be back any moment." I looked around into the concealing darkness all around, every piece of driftwood and rock could hide those creatures. They could approach us where we stood and surround us and we wouldn't know it until they attacked. I had seen their murderous spear stabs. The Munes were a bloodthirsty band, intent on hunting whatever the sea had to offer.
The song they had brought ended, evidently on a cassette tape. Nothing else began playing and their radio went silent. They stood there blinking at me in the firelight and it was then that I took a step back.
Were my eyes playing tricks on me? The two boys, the same as the ones I had lost? And the young woman:
"Matilda?" I gasped in horror. I completely forgot the Munes closing in around us and stared at the dead.
"How did you know my name?" She asked.
Coldness washed over me and I began stammering and taking slow steps backing away from them. None of these people were alive! Panic swept through me like a scythe of ice harvesting the last of my nerves. I felt the chill bite of the blade in my heart and I could see my breath there in the flickering light.
"Dear God!" I cried out, pointing feebly at the apparitions before me. I looked to their boat and saw how it was unsmashed from a thousand shattered splinters. It was more impossible than the Munes. All three of them were already dead, I had seen all of them die. "Dear Jesus." I added and felt tears of rejection at the horror of an impossible reunion.
"You okay, man? What's going on?" The other boy asked.
"Yeah dude, what's up?" The older boy, the jock, asked.
"Nothing." I gasped unable to take a breath as the grip of terror sucked the air from my lungs.
We just stood there in the silent firelight staring at each other. Whatever fun they had hoped for was gone from their smiling faces. Whatever hope that I had that this was the end of my nightmare was gone from me.
While we stood there the slow wood tapping sound began rhythmically all around us. Then the hollow beat of wooden sounders, ridged instruments rubbed with a stick, joined the tapping. This was followed by a solemn humming from their human sounding voices and then a solitary flute joined them. This was different than their earlier song. The Munes were playing a bone chilling melody that drove terror into my heart. They were close by and all around us.
Slowly and quietly their chanting words began. I knew what they were singing. They were welcoming the young to die again and for me to a greater death to watch helplessly as they were killed. I knew the wicked creatures intended to attack us and to massacre us on the beach. The Munes were promising that I would only die when I accepted that I could not save the kids.
"We have to go." I told them.
"What is that?" Matilda stared into the night all around us as the female voices joined into our death song.
"No. Just go. Go to your boat. I will try to hold them back." I shook my head to her request. "Now!"
The three of them started back towards their boat, impelled by my command to take flight.
The Munes were not so easily evaded. They gave chase from behind every log and rock in the darkness. Pieces of gnarled wood stood up and lifted hidden spears from sand. The devilish brutes stopped singing with a wild shriek, delighted that the hunt had begun.
I swung the oar at one and struck it, knocking it back down into its cavity in the sand. As it sprang with agility back to its feet I had to ward the attack of another. They were all around me within seconds. I fought them as fiercely as I could, connecting the oar with their abominable driftwood bodies with loud knocks.
My weapon did no harm to them and barely kept them back. They were proclaiming their superiority from all around me in a cacophony of human voices in their old language. Their spears teased and stabbed and lanced at me from all around, but they did not want to kill me until they had the others first. I knew that is what they meant to do.
Matilda and the boys were screaming as the creatures rose up inside their boat. They had completely cut them off from retreat. When I saw their doom I could not accept it. I roared in a defiant scream that made everything look red and blurry.
With a great crack I struck one of the creatures with such force that the tip of the oar flew off in one direction and the creature flew the short distance to the fire and landed in the high flames.
The warrior of the Munes leapt out of the flames, completely unharmed. It let out an angry warcry.
All of the creatures around me hesitated for just an instant at my sudden burst. I broke through their circle and rushed towards the kids, blasting the Munes aside as I went through their ranks to reach the boat.
We had to get off the beach. "Follow me!" I was hollering raggedly to them. They were wide eyed and trapped and had no choice but to have courage and to run behind me. Again I charged through the ferocious creatures, sweeping them from our path by swinging the oar at them with all my strength.
We reached the rocks I had spied upon the Munes from. They clambered up while I turned around to face the charging horrors. Their game was up and now they were just going to kill us all, I could see it in their enraged eyes. The clattering of thrown spears on the rocks signaled their approach as surely as their furious warcries.
As soon as the kids were at the top I began my own climb, keeping the oar. Matilda had spotted my canoe in the moonlight and led the boys down the other side of the rocks towards it. They were shoving it into the water when I reached them.
"Go! Go! Go!" I yelled as splashed towards them. Behind me the Munes were leaping recklessly on the downside of the rock pile. They had caught up by not needing to climb down, but rather just plummeting with their wooden bodies.
I got into the canoe, nearly tipping it in my haste. I began to paddle us away from the island, finding the mild waves were helping us. When we had some distance from the deadly beach I began to slow down, tired already as I had exerted myself to the extreme.
"Is that it?" Matilda asked, panicked hysteria recessing from her voice.
"I think so." I sighed from the ordeal.
"No, look!" The older teenager pointed behind us.
The wicked Munes had loaded into the captured boat with spears and torches and figured out how to use the outboard motor.
"Shit!" I gaped. They were coming for us and quickly.
I dipped the broken oar once more and paddled for our lives. If they caught us they would burn us alive!
They were closing the distance with an overloaded motorboat against a dugout canoe. I rowed and rowed with all my remaining strength, giving it all I had. The sacred fog was just ahead of us.
My arms felt like the bones were swelling inside and my lungs burned with the air I was taking. We were moving at the maximum speed of the canoe and they bested that by reaching the top speed of the motorboat. I realized they would sooner ram us than let us escape into the fog.
I could hear their evil laughter and the motor and the crackling of their windfed torches as they came up behind us. The fog bank was just ahead of us like a finish line. The kids were looking at me and I saw in their faces that they believed we were going to make it. Encouraged, I summoned a strength beyond what my body had left.
From someplace deep within me something awoke from a primordial slumber. It came rushing out of me like an explosion. The paddle detonated on the water and for a split second the dugout rose out of the water, sailed the distance like a flying fish, and landed safely into the fog.
As we drifted into the dreamy, starless darkness: there was a silence enveloping us. The sound of the frustrated creatures was behind us. They knew that they could not cross the boundary that had given us sanctuary. They were no more a part of our world then we were of theirs.
As they skirted the edge of the fog I could understand their words for a moment, somehow I knew what they were saying among themselves. They feared getting lost in the fog and caught by the morning upon the open water. They would be trapped and become as dead driftwood. Such was their curse, that they could not leave the place set aside for them in creation by the Great Spirit.
As we drifted slowly through the cold whiteness our fears subsided. There was a calm that came after the storm. In the darkness I knew I was among living people. They were not ghosts, nor illusions. I could not understand the terrible adventure we had just experienced, but I thanked the Great Spirit for it.
The fog took us safely back to shore. I watched as they climbed from the canoe. While they stood there I got out of the canoe and it began to drift away, back out into the fog. I was left holding the remains of the oar. I stared at them, I had saved them, somehow, despite fate. The Great Spirit had smiled upon me and given me a second chance.
"We're alive!" They kept saying. I just smiled, my eyes watering at the sight and said:
"Yeah. You're alive."
submitted by dlschindler to HFY [link] [comments]

2023.06.13 14:09 RobYaLunch Billboard Chart Discussion - Week Of June 17, 2023

Billboard Hot 100 chart
Position Title Artist ▲/▼ Last week Weeks Charting Peak
1 Last Night Morgan Wallen - 1 19 1
2 Flowers Miley Cyrus ▲+1 3 21 1
3 Calm Down Rema & Selena Gomez ▲+2 5 40 3
4 Fast Car Luke Combs ▲+4 8 11 4
5 All My Life Lil Durk Featuring J. Cole ▼-1 4 4 2
6 Kill Bill SZA - 6 26 1
7 Favorite Song Toosii ▲+2 9 16 5
8 Ella Baila Sola Eslabon Armado X Peso Pluma ▼-1 7 12 4
9 Creepin' Metro Boomin, The Weeknd & 21 Savage ▲+1 10 27 3
10 Karma Taylor Swift Featuring Ice Spice ▼-8 2 13 2
11 Anti-Hero Taylor Swift - 11 33 1
12 Sure Thing Miguel ▲+1 13 45 12
13 Put It On Da Floor Again Latto Featuring Cardi B ▲+88 [FRESH] 1 13
14 Die For You The Weeknd & Ariana Grande ▼-2 12 45 1
15 Something In The Orange Zach Bryan - 15 59 10
16 Where She Goes Bad Bunny ▼-2 14 3 8
17 Un x100to Grupo Frontera X Bad Bunny ▼-1 16 8 5
18 Search & Rescue Drake ▲+1 19 9 2
19 Snooze SZA ▲+9 28 26 19
20 Need A Favor Jelly Roll ▲+11 31 10 20
21 Cupid Fifty Fifty ▲+2 23 12 17
22 You Proof Morgan Wallen ▼-1 21 56 5
23 La Bebe Yng Lvcas x Peso Pluma ▼-3 20 12 11
24 Thinkin' Bout Me Morgan Wallen ▲+1 25 14 9
25 Chemical Post Malone ▲+1 26 8 13
26 Boy's A Liar, Pt. 2 PinkPantheress & Ice Spice ▼-9 17 18 3
27 Rock And A Hard Place Bailey Zimmerman ▼-9 18 52 10
28 Stand By Me Lil Durk Featuring Morgan Wallen ▼-6 22 2 22
29 I'm Good (Blue) David Guetta & Bebe Rexha - 29 41 4
30 One Thing At A Time Morgan Wallen ▲+2 32 27 10
31 Bzrp Music Sessions, Vol. 55 Bizarrap & Peso Pluma ▲+70 [FRESH] 1 31
32 Thought You Should Know Morgan Wallen ▲+1 33 43 7
33 Eyes Closed Ed Sheeran ▲+1 34 11 19
34 TQM Fuerza Regida ▲+5 39 3 34
35 Dance The Night Dua Lipa ▲+8 43 2 35
36 Dancin' In The Country Tyler Hubbard ▲+1 37 16 23
37 Area Codes Kali ▲+1 38 5 33
38 Next Thing You Know Jordan Davis ▲+4 42 20 37
39 Players Coi Leray ▼-3 36 23 9
40 Thank God Kane Brown With Katelyn Brown - 40 39 13
41 Calling Metro Boomin, Swae Lee & NAV Featuring A Boogie Wit da Hoodie ▲+60 [FRESH] 1 41
42 Memory Lane Old Dominion ▲+8 50 10 42
43 Popular The Weeknd, Playboi Carti & Madonna ▲+58 [FRESH] 1 43
44 Annihilate Metro Boomin, Swae Lee, Lil Wayne & Offset ▲+57 [FRESH] 1 44
45 Tennessee Orange Megan Moroney ▼-1 44 26 30
46 Under The Influence Chris Brown - 46 39 12
47 Cruel Summer Taylor Swift ▼-2 45 5 29
48 Bread & Butter Gunna ▲+53 [FRESH] 1 48
49 It Matters To Her Scotty McCreery ▲+11 60 8 49
50 Religiously Bailey Zimmerman ▼-3 47 5 40
51 Am I Dreaming Metro Boomin, A$AP Rocky & Roisee ▲+50 [FRESH] 1 51
52 Love You Anyway Luke Combs ▼-3 49 17 15
53 Princess Diana Ice Spice & Nicki Minaj ▼-5 48 8 4
54 Bye Peso Pluma ▼-1 53 2 53
55 PRC Peso Pluma X Natanael Cano ▼-3 52 17 33
56 Daylight David Kushner ▲+2 58 8 47
57 Por Las Noches Peso Pluma ▼-6 51 13 28
58 Mourning Post Malone ▼-3 55 3 36
59 Keep It Low Moneybagg Yo Featuring Future ▲+42 [FRESH] 1 59
60 See You Again Tyler, The Creator Featuring Kali Uchis ▼-3 57 8 44
61 All The Way Live Metro Boomin, Future & Lil Uzi Vert ▲+40 [FRESH] 1 61
62 Self Love Metro Boomin & Coi Leray ▲+39 [FRESH] 1 62
63 TQG Karol G x Shakira ▼-7 56 15 7
64 El Azul Junior H x Peso Pluma ▼-3 61 9 55
65 Hits Different Taylor Swift ▼-38 27 2 27
66 America Has A Problem Beyonce Featuring Kendrick Lamar ▼-12 54 4 38
67 Slut Me Out NLE Choppa ▼-2 65 12 28
68 Pound Town 2 Sexyy Red & Tay Keith & Nicki Minaj ▼-2 66 2 66
69 Ocean Spray Moneybagg Yo ▲+32 [FRESH] 1 69
70 AMG Gabito Ballesteros, Peso Pluma & Natanael Cano ▼-7 63 20 37
71 Pelle Coat Lil Durk ▼-36 35 2 35
72 You, Me, & Whiskey Justin Moore & Priscilla Block ▲+3 75 5 72
73 What It Is (Block Boy) Doechii Featuring Kodak Black ▲+4 77 5 73
74 Waffle House Jonas Brothers ▼-3 71 6 57
75 ICU Coco Jones ▲+4 79 12 63
76 Cowgirls Morgan Wallen Featuring ERNEST ▼-6 70 14 40
77 Bury Me In Georgia Kane Brown ▲+17 94 4 77
78 Chanel Becky G & Peso Pluma ▼-9 69 8 55
79 Human Cody Johnson ▼-15 64 19 61
80 Your Heart Or Mine Jon Pardi ▲+1 81 4 80
81 Fight The Feeling Rod Wave ▲+4 85 10 16
82 Baby Don't Hurt Me David Guetta, Anne-Marie & Coi Leray ▲+5 87 3 82
83 Ain't That Some Morgan Wallen ▼-5 78 14 11
84 War Bout It Lil Durk Featuring 21 Savage ▼-43 41 2 41
85 Shake Sumn DaBaby ▼-5 80 5 69
86 Save Me Jelly Roll With Lainey Wilson ▲+15 [FRESH] 1 86
87 Snow On The Beach Taylor Swift Featuring Lana Del Rey ▼-57 30 8 4
88 Fragil Yahritza y Su Esencia x Grupo Frontera ▼-4 84 7 69
89 Low Down Lil Baby - 89 12 50
90 Hummingbird Metro Boomin & James Blake ▲+11 [FRESH] 1 90
91 People Libianca - 91 6 89
92 Peaches & Eggplants Young Nudy Featuring 21 Savage ▲+9 [FRESH] 1 92
93 El Gordo Trae El Mando Chino Pacas - 93 12 58
94 Beso Rosalia & Rauw Alejandro ▼-6 88 11 52
95 Danger (Spider) Offset & JID ▲+6 [FRESH] 1 95
96 Trance Metro Boomin, Travis Scott & Young Thug ▲+3 99 18 42
97 Moonlight Kali Uchis ▼-1 96 9 80
98 Jaded Miley Cyrus ▲+3 -- 4 56
99 Say Yes To Heaven Lana Del Rey ▼-9 90 3 54
100 Trustfall P!nk ▲+1 -- 2 94
Billboard Global 200 chart (most popular songs globally)
Position Title Artist ▲/▼ Last week Weeks Charting Peak
1 Ella Baila Sola Eslabon Armado X Peso Pluma - 1 12 1
2 Bzrp Music Sessions, Vol. 55 Bizarrap & Peso Pluma ▲+83 85 2 2
3 Cupid Fifty Fifty - 3 13 2
4 Where She Goes Bad Bunny ▲+1 5 3 1
5 La Bebe Yng Lvcas x Peso Pluma ▼-3 2 15 2
6 Flowers Miley Cyrus ▼-2 4 21 1
7 Un x100to Grupo Frontera X Bad Bunny - 7 8 1
8 Calm Down Rema & Selena Gomez - 8 49 3
9 Sprinter Dave & Central Cee ▲+92 [FRESH] 1 9
10 Idol YOASOBI ▼-1 9 8 9
Billboard 200 chart
Position Title Artist Sales Change Last week Weeks Charting
1 5-Star: The 3rd Album Stray Kids err err [FRESH] 1
2 One Thing At A Time Morgan Wallen 119,151 (3,952 pure) -7% 2 14
3 Whitsitt Chapel Jelly Roll 87,036 (62,788 pure) -- [FRESH] 1
4 Dark Blood (EP) ENHYPEN err err [FRESH] 1
5 Midnights Taylor Swift 81,013 (21,500 pure) -71% 1 33
6 Almost Healed Lil Durk 65,336 (239 pure) -47% 3 2
7 Spider-Man: Across The Spider-Verse: Metro Boomin Presents (Soundtrack) Metro Boomin err err [FRESH] 1
8 But Here We Are Foo Fighters 58,459 (50,451 pure) -- [FRESH] 1
9 SOS SZA 49,075 (3,606 pure) -9% 4 26
10 Hard To Love Moneybagg Yo 50,055 (2,452 pure) -- [FRESH] 1
Frequently Asked Questions:
Q: Why is X artist higher than Y artist on the 200 chart, even though X artist sold less?
A: This is because of a discrepancy between Billboard's ranking and the ranking from the website that the sales data is scraped from
Q: Where do you get the sales data from?
A: https://hitsdailydouble.com/sales_plus_streaming
Q: What does "err" mean on the 200 chart?
A: If you are seeing "err", that means that the bot I use to gather chart data couldn't identify sales data for a particular album because of a difference in album naming between Billboard and HitsDailyDouble
submitted by RobYaLunch to hiphopheads [link] [comments]

2023.06.06 14:02 RobYaLunch Billboard Chart Discussion - Week Of June 10, 2023

Billboard Hot 100 chart
Position Title Artist ▲/▼ Last week Weeks Charting Peak
1 Last Night Morgan Wallen - 1 18 1
2 Karma Taylor Swift Featuring Ice Spice ▲+25 27 12 2
3 Flowers Miley Cyrus ▼-1 2 20 1
4 All My Life Lil Durk Featuring J. Cole ▲+3 7 3 2
5 Calm Down Rema & Selena Gomez ▼-1 4 39 4
6 Kill Bill SZA ▼-3 3 25 1
7 Ella Baila Sola Eslabon Armado X Peso Pluma ▼-1 6 11 4
8 Fast Car Luke Combs ▲+2 10 10 8
9 Favorite Song Toosii ▼-4 5 15 5
10 Creepin' Metro Boomin, The Weeknd & 21 Savage ▼-1 9 26 3
11 Anti-Hero Taylor Swift ▲+1 12 32 1
12 Die For You The Weeknd & Ariana Grande ▼-1 11 44 1
13 Sure Thing Miguel - 13 44 13
14 Where She Goes Bad Bunny ▼-6 8 2 8
15 Something In The Orange Zach Bryan ▲+2 17 58 10
16 Un x100to Grupo Frontera X Bad Bunny ▼-2 14 7 5
17 Boy's A Liar, Pt. 2 PinkPantheress & Ice Spice ▼-2 15 17 3
18 Rock And A Hard Place Bailey Zimmerman ▲+1 19 51 10
19 Search & Rescue Drake ▼-3 16 8 2
20 La Bebe Yng Lvcas x Peso Pluma ▼-2 18 11 11
21 You Proof Morgan Wallen ▲+2 23 55 5
22 Stand By Me Lil Durk Featuring Morgan Wallen ▲+79 [FRESH] 1 22
23 Cupid Fifty Fifty ▼-3 20 11 17
24 As It Was Harry Styles ▼-2 22 61 1
25 Thinkin' Bout Me Morgan Wallen - 25 13 9
26 Chemical Post Malone ▼-5 21 7 13
27 Hits Different Taylor Swift ▲+74 [FRESH] 1 27
28 Snooze SZA - 28 25 28
29 I'm Good (Blue) David Guetta & Bebe Rexha ▲+1 30 40 4
30 Snow On The Beach Taylor Swift Featuring Lana Del Rey ▲+71 -- 7 4
31 Need A Favor Jelly Roll ▲+9 40 9 31
32 One Thing At A Time Morgan Wallen ▼-6 26 26 10
33 Thought You Should Know Morgan Wallen ▲+1 34 42 7
34 Eyes Closed Ed Sheeran ▼-3 31 10 19
35 Pelle Coat Lil Durk ▲+66 [FRESH] 1 35
36 Players Coi Leray ▼-7 29 22 9
37 Dancin' In The Country Tyler Hubbard ▼-13 24 15 23
38 Area Codes Kali ▼-5 33 4 33
39 TQM Fuerza Regida ▼-4 35 2 35
40 Thank God Kane Brown With Katelyn Brown ▼-8 32 38 13
41 War Bout It Lil Durk Featuring 21 Savage ▲+60 [FRESH] 1 41
42 Next Thing You Know Jordan Davis ▼-3 39 19 37
43 Dance The Night Dua Lipa ▲+58 [FRESH] 1 43
44 Tennessee Orange Megan Moroney ▼-3 41 25 30
45 Cruel Summer Taylor Swift ▲+4 49 4 29
46 Under The Influence Chris Brown ▼-9 37 38 12
47 Religiously Bailey Zimmerman ▲+1 48 4 40
48 Princess Diana Ice Spice & Nicki Minaj ▼-5 43 7 4
49 Love You Anyway Luke Combs ▼-4 45 16 15
50 Memory Lane Old Dominion ▲+7 57 9 50
51 Por Las Noches Peso Pluma ▼-9 42 12 28
52 PRC Peso Pluma X Natanael Cano ▼-8 44 16 33
53 Bye Peso Pluma ▲+48 [FRESH] 1 53
54 America Has A Problem Beyonce Featuring Kendrick Lamar ▼-16 38 3 38
55 Mourning Post Malone ▼-19 36 2 36
56 TQG Karol G x Shakira ▼-3 53 14 7
57 See You Again Tyler, The Creator Featuring Kali Uchis ▼-5 52 7 44
58 Daylight David Kushner ▼-7 51 7 47
59 Never Imagined Lil Durk Featuring Future ▲+42 [FRESH] 1 59
60 It Matters To Her Scotty McCreery ▲+2 62 7 60
61 El Azul Junior H x Peso Pluma ▼-5 56 8 55
62 Never Again Lil Durk ▲+39 [FRESH] 1 62
63 AMG Gabito Ballesteros, Peso Pluma & Natanael Cano ▼-5 58 19 37
64 Human Cody Johnson ▼-3 61 18 61
65 Slut Me Out NLE Choppa ▼-10 55 11 28
66 Pound Town 2 Sexyy Red & Tay Keith & Nicki Minaj ▲+35 [FRESH] 1 66
67 Big Dawg Lil Durk & Chief Wuk ▲+34 [FRESH] 1 67
68 Cross The Globe Lil Durk Featuring Juice WRLD ▲+33 [FRESH] 1 68
69 Chanel Becky G & Peso Pluma ▼-9 60 7 55
70 Cowgirls Morgan Wallen Featuring ERNEST ▼-4 66 13 40
71 Waffle House Jonas Brothers ▼-7 64 5 57
72 Put Em On Ice Lil Durk ▲+29 [FRESH] 1 72
73 300 Urus Lil Durk ▲+28 [FRESH] 1 73
74 Sad Songs Lil Durk ▲+27 [FRESH] 1 74
75 You, Me, & Whiskey Justin Moore & Priscilla Block ▲+7 82 4 75
76 Grandson Lil Durk Featuring Kodak Black ▲+25 [FRESH] 1 76
77 What It Is (Block Boy) Doechii Featuring Kodak Black ▼-2 75 4 75
78 Ain't That Some Morgan Wallen ▼-6 72 13 11
79 ICU Coco Jones ▼-12 67 11 63
80 Shake Sumn DaBaby ▼-11 69 4 69
81 Your Heart Or Mine Jon Pardi ▲+8 89 3 81
82 Before Fajr Lil Durk ▲+19 [FRESH] 1 82
83 B12 Lil Durk ▲+18 [FRESH] 1 83
84 Fragil Yahritza y Su Esencia x Grupo Frontera ▼-14 70 6 69
85 Fight The Feeling Rod Wave ▼-17 68 9 16
86 You Got Em Lil Durk ▲+15 [FRESH] 1 86
87 Baby Don't Hurt Me David Guetta, Anne-Marie & Coi Leray ▲+9 96 2 87
88 Beso Rosalia & Rauw Alejandro ▼-11 77 10 52
89 Low Down Lil Baby ▼-15 74 11 50
90 Say Yes To Heaven Lana Del Rey ▼-36 54 2 54
91 People Libianca ▲+1 92 5 89
92 Yandel 150 Yandel & Feid ▼-11 81 16 71
93 El Gordo Trae El Mando Chino Pacas ▼-22 71 11 58
94 Bury Me In Georgia Kane Brown - 94 3 85
95 I Wrote The Book Morgan Wallen ▼-11 84 18 18
96 Moonlight Kali Uchis ▼-16 80 8 80
97 Mathematical Disrespect Lil Mabu ▼-38 59 4 47
98 Everything I Love Morgan Wallen ▼-7 91 18 14
99 Trance Metro Boomin, Travis Scott & Young Thug ▼-20 79 17 42
100 Man Made A Bar Morgan Wallen Featuring Eric Church ▼-12 88 13 15
Billboard Global 200 chart (most popular songs globally)
Position Title Artist ▲/▼ Last week Weeks Charting Peak
1 Ella Baila Sola Eslabon Armado X Peso Pluma ▲+1 2 11 1
2 La Bebe Yng Lvcas x Peso Pluma ▲+2 4 14 2
3 Cupid Fifty Fifty - 3 12 2
4 Flowers Miley Cyrus ▲+1 5 20 1
5 Where She Goes Bad Bunny ▼-4 1 2 1
6 Karma Taylor Swift Featuring Ice Spice ▲+90 96 13 6
7 Un x100to Grupo Frontera X Bad Bunny ▼-1 6 7 1
8 Calm Down Rema & Selena Gomez ▼-1 7 48 3
9 Idol YOASOBI ▲+1 10 7 9
10 All My Life Lil Durk Featuring J. Cole ▲+4 14 3 7
Billboard 200 chart
Position Title Artist Sales Change Last week Weeks Charting
1 Midnights Taylor Swift 283,488 (192,282 pure) +409% 3 32
2 One Thing At A Time Morgan Wallen 127,671 (5,372 pure) +0% 1 13
3 Almost Healed Lil Durk 124,125 (2,388 pure) -- [FRESH] 1
4 SOS SZA 54,174 (8,731 pure) -24% 2 25
5 Dangerous: The Double Album Morgan Wallen 47,801 (977 pure) +3% 4 125
6 Lover Taylor Swift 36,835 (6,005 pure) -4% 6 197
7 Gettin' Old Luke Combs 32,334 (1,946 pure) -4% 8 10
8 Un Verano Sin Ti Bad Bunny 32,069 (355 pure) -3% 9 56
9 American Heartbreak Zach Bryan 30,387 (1,586 pure) -2% 10 54
10 Religiously. The Album. Bailey Zimmerman 29,968 (1,064 pure) -4% 11 3
Frequently Asked Questions:
Q: Why is X artist higher than Y artist on the 200 chart, even though X artist sold less?
A: This is because of a discrepancy between Billboard's ranking and the ranking from the website that the sales data is scraped from
Q: Where do you get the sales data from?
A: https://hitsdailydouble.com/sales_plus_streaming
Q: What does "err" mean on the 200 chart?
A: If you are seeing "err", that means that the bot I use to gather chart data couldn't identify sales data for a particular album because of a difference in album naming between Billboard and HitsDailyDouble
submitted by RobYaLunch to hiphopheads [link] [comments]

2023.06.03 19:57 decho Pre-Match Thread: Celta vs Barcelona [La Liga]

Match Information:

 
Match: Celta vs Barcelona
Competition: La Liga
Date: Sunday, 4th of June 2023
Time: 21:00 CEST / 15:00 EDT - Convert to local time
Venue: Estadio Municipal de Balaídos, Vigo - 29000 capacity
Referee: Juan Luis Pulido Santana
 

Lineups and Squads:

 
Barcelona - Official squad confirmed
GK: Ter Stegen, Iñaki Peña, Arnau Tenas
DEF: Araújo, Christensen, Alonso, Alba, Koundé, Eric, Álex Baldé
MID: Busquets, Pedri, Kessié, Sergi Roberto, Frenkie, Gavi, Pablo Torre, Unai Hernández, Pau Prim
ATT: Dembélé, Lewandowski, Fati, Ferran Torres, Raphinha, Marc Guiu, Dani Rodríguez
Unavailable: Álex Baldé, Pedri (injured)
Not called: Araújo, Alba, Busquets
 
Celta - Official squad to be confirmed
GK: Agustin Marchesin, Iván Villar
DEF: Hugo Mallo, Óscar Mingueza, Unai Núñez, Joseph Aidoo, Javi Galán, Kevin Vázquez, Carlos Domínguez Cáceres
MID: Óscar Rodríguez, Fran Beltrán, Renato Tapia, Williot Swedberg, Luca De La Torre, Gabri Veiga
ATT: Carles Pérez, Gonçalo Paciência, Iago Aspas, Franco Cervi, Jörgen Strand Larsen, Augusto Solari, Haris Seferović, Miguel Rodríguez
Unavailable: Agustin Marchesin, Joseph Aidoo, Fran Beltrán (injured)
Not called:
 

Form guide:

 
Celta
Barcelona
 

Head-to-head:

 
 

Comments (Post-match thread):

 
Author: lazybananainthehouse Score: 192 pts Source
MATS, MY LAD, PERHAPS OUR BEST PLAYER ON THE PITCH TODAY.
Author: mrsubsofficial Score: 123 pts Source
I'll just say my peace. 6/6 points after the international break with 6 injuries to many key players. That doesn't excuse a bad game from players in attack but games like these happen every year. The important thing is that we got all 3 points today, come april and may these are going to be incredibly valuable.
Spectacular game from Mats, gavi, and piqué. Balde a lot better than last time but again he's been asked to play on the right. Immense few minutes from Eric. Wingers were shut down but also very indecisive and making poor decisions at times. Alonso meh but again playing sort of out of position. Pedri and busi good as always. Lewy got little service but he also fumbled it a few times.
On to the champions were we really have to pick it up because it's worrisome so far.
Author: doksqwae Score: 122 pts Source
Winning matches like these where you're not on your best is a skill in itself and these matches might make or break the season but fuck me, that was awful 98 minutes of football and Xavi is repeating the same mistakes from Mallorca and Inter
Author: thisIsAswin Score: 117 pts Source
One on side we somehow managed to keep a clean sheet with a starting backline of Pique and 3 left backs. And on other side we couldn't even create a single chance for Lewa.
Author: aritra3776 Score: 98 pts Source
Had 10 heart attacks in just 45 minutes 🙂
Author: mntgoat Score: 80 pts Source
What a time to start playing like shit! If we continue this on Wednesday and next Sunday we are fucked.
Also everyone gave Raphinha shit but it isn't like Dembele did anything when we had the ball and he had fresh legs.
Author: Lelouch_brittania Score: 65 pts Source
So all a team needs to do is shut our wings down . Lewandowski becomes isolated and our full backs put in silly crosses. While the midfielders keep the possession and pass the ball sideways throughout the 90 mins . Xavi has lost the plot
Author: Hydrargyrum200u Score: 59 pts Source
Wingers get double or triple teamed and the attack dies
It's been like that for plenty of games now
It's on Xavi
It's one thing if one winger's form goes to shit but all 4 ? nah
Author: LarryPeru Score: 51 pts Source
Horrific train wreck of a performance and Inter and Madrid could not be coming at a worse time for us. Inter score first on Wednesday and we are done for in CL.
Author: thisIsAswin Score: 49 pts Source
We are not the same team that left for international break.
Author: halojeppe Score: 48 pts Source
I had the same feeling today as last year when Koeman was manager, just so boring and depressing to watch really
Author: faiosa Score: 39 pts Source
I’m so confused why Xavi refuses to have our RB overlap, our RW just gets double teamed as soon as he gets the ball with nowhere to go but back. It’s literally such a basic thing to know to do but 3 games now it’s been the same shit
Author: thebrownestmamba Score: 39 pts Source
That’s 3 matches in a row where we looked poor, this one being the worst of them. I don’t know who to focus on at this point, but Xavi and the players need to sort this out immediately. The drop in form is baffling enough, considering the precious performances, but we cannot afford any mistakes now where CL group qualifiers are decided in 3 days and the World Cup will start shorty after…
With that said, still golden 3 points and let’s hope for the best! Visca Barça!!
Author: Haalandderstrong Score: 31 pts Source
Anyone worried that after our weakness being exposed against Inter, our tactics remained exactly the same? Xavi didn't try to change to team a bit, still overly relying on the wings while Lewan is being isolated.
Author: mojojojo1108 Score: 27 pts Source
I am completely prepared to take downvotes on this but I would honestly much rather have Gavi run less and have more positional discipline. Gavi is obviously amazing but he makes wild challenges or runs to press in ways that leaves big, open, vulnerable holes.
Our biggest issue (besides injuries) throughout this season so far has been a lack of control. We don't control matches, but have been scoring because of moments of class or through transition opportunities. I'm not saying Gavi's the only one at fault (and I want to make clear that I still believe he's been one of our better performers - case in point, he was integral to creating the goal that we did score) but he's the only regularly playing midfielder that I think consistently contributes to this lack of control.
Ideally, with Balde and Bellerin available as the fullbacks (instead of Jordi especially) and whichever CB pairing Xavi prefers, we'll also have more composure in the back and ability to build up but for the moment, that's not much of an option to analyze.
Author: saymyname_97 Score: 25 pts Source
I think Xavi needs to try a midfield of FDJ, Busi and Pedri. Gavi is a great player but we really need more creativity from the midfield. Also FDJ is world class, he surely can't be a rotation player.
Author: Ranjith_Unchained Score: 19 pts Source
Thank you, MATS
Author: fakename4268 Score: 18 pts Source
We can’t create anything from the middle. We’ve said it before and before, a trio of Bosquets-Pedri-Gavi doesn’t work. I know we don’t have that many options because of injuries, but on Wednesday we can’t start this trio. Also, our wingers need to get their shit together. Dembele is wasting easy passes and Raphinha is too predictable, and don’t get me started on Fati and Torres. There are no excuses for everyone if we don’t manage to get through to the knockout phase
 

Quotes:

 
Xavi: "Laporta offered me the renewal when we lost the Copa del Rey semifinals against Real Madrid. There will be no problem." - src @barcacentre
Xavi: "The idea is for Lamine Yamal to be between Barça Atlètic and the first team because he can help us a lot." - src @barcacentre
Xavi: "If by beating Celta, indirectly, we can do Barça Atlètic a favor, it's even better."What Xavi is referring to: - src @barcacentre
Xavi: "Márquez has greatly improved the Barça Atlètic players when you compare them to the beginning of the season. That is his main goal, not promotion." - src @barcacentre
Xavi: "Mourinho? Coaches, like players, have to be an example. It doesn't matter how hurt you feel." - src @barcacentre
🚨 Xavi: "Ter Stegen will play tomorrow." - src @barcacentre
Xavi: "I hope our image tomorrow will be like the one we showed against Mallorca. We want to win, but we know that Celta have a lot more at stake than we do." - src @barcacentre
🚨 Xavi: "I haven't spoken to the players because I haven't been able to (because the acceptance of the feasibility plan isn't there yet). I haven't been able to because we still don't know if we'll be able to sign and we have to know what situation we're going to find ourselves… - src @barcacentre
🚨 Xavi: "With Messi I am expectant, not nervous. I have been talking to him and I would be excited about his return, not only as a coach but also as a Culer." - src @barcacentre
🚨 Xavi: "At the club they are optimistic about the feasibility plan, but it's not there yet. The president gives me peace of mind and confidence, in every way and also in this one. I'm not worried, I'm waiting." - src @barcacentre
🚨 Xavi: "Fati? I can tell you little about Ansu and the general planning, because we depend on La Liga and the feasibility plan. From there we will decide." - src @barcacentre
Xavi: "We have to see, depending on the squad we have, what our goals will be next season." - src @barcacentre
🚨 Xavi: "Neves? I can't talk about names. The club knows my priorities in positions and names. They know my position because I always try to be very clear." - src @barcacentre
Xavi: "I have a very good relationship with Giráldez. He's a great coach, doing an extraordinary job and the the women's team there only are winners, they don't get tired... We'll be watching the game, wishing them the best." - src @barcacentre
🚨 Xavi: "I'm not responsible for the financial issue. I only know that Messi would help us a lot in terms of football." - src @barcacentre
🚨 Xavi: "I can't talk much about planning, signings and departures, because we depend on La Liga and the feasibility plan. Things will be decided from there." - src @barcacentre
🚨 Xavi: "The priorities are very clear. I would really like Messi to return, I have spoken with him, and I have already said that it depends on him. From here, apart from Leo, the other priority is a pivot. That would be the ideal scenario." - src @barcacentre
Xavi: "The goal tomorrow is to win and give a good image. And others like keeping a clean sheet, winning Lewandowski's Pichichi award... Celta are in a difficult situation, but we want to win." - src @barcacentre
 

Latest News:

 
[Squad] - Squad for final Liga fixture against Celta - fcbarcelona.com
[Article] - Xavi: 'The team wants to end the season on a high' - barcatvplus.fcbarcelona.com
[Training] - Preparations continue for the final game of the season - fcbarcelona.com
[Article] - When and where to watch Celta v FC Barcelona - fcbarcelona.com
 

TV/Online:

 
Livesoccertv Liveonsat FCBarcelona.com
 
submitted by decho to Barca [link] [comments]

2023.05.27 00:24 Quirky-Motor As Asian American and Pacific Islander heritage month draws to a close here in the United States, I wanted to share an EXPANDED collection of write-ups featuring the stories of Asians/Pacific Islanders who are currently missing or whose cases have not been resolved.

As Asian American and Pacific Islander heritage month draws to a close here in the United States, I wanted to share a collection of write-ups featuring the stories of Asians/Pacific Islanders who are currently missing or whose cases have not been resolved. This is an expansion of a piece I post annually and therefore may it sound similar. These are mostly my pieces as well as a few other cases that I have remembered reading about over the last year or two including some cases recommended by readers. Feel free to add other cases which have stuck with you down in the comment section. I hope to garner some exposure for these lesser known cases and links to sources can be found at the bottom or embedded.
Khoi Dang Vu was a deaf American man who went missing from his family’s home in 2007 in Vancouver, Washington. He left on a rainy night without his coat, bike, or any belongings. His case is now considered a homicide and no trace of him has ever been found. True Crime Bullsh*t, an investigative podcast, has surmised that Vu may be a victim of serial killer Israel Keyes. The FBI considers the case a kidnapping. Khoi is of Vietnamese descent. My write up here- https://www.reddit.com/UnresolvedMysteries/comments/g89b2z/what_causes_someone_to_leave_their_home_in_the/
https://www.fbi.gov/wanted/kidnap/khoi-dang-vu
Slideshow made my Khoi's sister- www.youtube.com/watch?v=8IuTeb58vH0&t=0s
Wallace Guidroz went missing from Tacoma in 1983 when he was only two years old. His father took him to a park, went on a walk with a mysterious man, and then when he returned Wallace was gone. Wallace has never been seen again. He is of Korean and African American descent. https://www.reddit.com/UnresolvedMysteries/comments/mdtktl/2_%C2%BD_year_old_wallace_guidroz_disappeared_while/
https://charleyproject.org/case/wallace-guidroz
Helen Doe is an unidentified decedent who died in a semi-truck crash in Kalama, Washington in 1991. Although she is believed to be Native American, Asian, Hispanic, and mixed heritage cannot be ruled out. Her story can be found here. A new facial reconstruction can be see here. https://unidentified-awareness.fandom.com/wiki/Helen_Doe https://www.reddit.com/UnresolvedMysteries/comments/lnv1b9/extensive_write_up_on_the_bizarre_case_of_helen/
https://www.koin.com/news/special-reports/the-mystery-of-helen-doe-kalama-crash-1991/
Grays Harbor Jane Doe was found in 1984 off of a logging road in Southern Washington state. She was middle aged and believed to be of Asian descent. You can read about her here. https://unidentified-awareness.fandom.com/wiki/Grays_Harbor_County_Jane_Doe
In 1963 the body of an unidentified man was found floating in the Spokane River in Spokane, Washington. The man had most likely drowned. He is believed to be of Asian descent but white and mixed descent could not be ruled out. His story, as well as the stories of 16 other unknown persons from Spokane can be found here. https://www.reddit.com/UnresolvedMysteries/comments/liqj98/extensive_write_up_on_17_of_spokane_countys/
https://www.doenetwork.org/cases/1670umwa.html
Gary Ridgway aka the Green River Killer terrorized the Pacific Northwest for decades. What many people do not know is that the Green River task force is still in operation. Ridgway confessed to 71 murders, but only around 49 bodies have been found meaning there are more victims waiting to be discovered or reported missing. Two of Gary Ridgway’s known victims were of Asian American or Pacific Islander backgrounds. Marie Malvar, who was of Filipino descent, and Kimi Kai Pitsor who was native Hawaiian, but there may be more. To read about the stories of these young girls as well as other victims of Ridgway you can start here. https://www.reddit.com/UnresolvedMysteries/comments/gpbcll/what_everyone_has_wrong_about_ridgway_extensive/
https://kingcounty.gov/depts/sheriff/about-us/enforcement/investigations/green-river.aspx
Diane Nguyen Robbins was only 13 in 1985 when she was last seen. She disappeared with her 21 year old friend, Molly Purdin, who was later found murdered. Both Diane and her friend were from Kennewick, Washington but Molly’s was found in northern King County. Gary Ridgway is a suspect in both cases. Diane is of Vietnamese and white descent. https://charleyproject.org/case/diane-nguyen-robbins
Edward Ryon Makuahanai Aikau, usually known as Eddie Aikau, a famous lifeguard and surfer, was credited with saving over 500 people at Waimea bay on Oahu’s north shore during his tenure as lifeguard. In fact not one person was reported drowned during Eddie’s shifts at the beach. In 1978, 31 year old Aikau had decided to join the Polynesia Voyaging society, a group who planned to travel from Hawaii to Tahiti using only outrigger canoes. Shortly into their journey one canoe sprung a leak and eventually capsized 12 miles south of Molokai. Eddie paddled on his surfboard towards Lanai in a valiant effort to summon help, but soon disappeared. The US Coast Guard were able to save all the passengers and a huge search was launched but Eddie was never found and is presumed drowned. Eddie Aikau is a household name in Hawaii and in the surfing community. Competitions bearing his name and t-shirts, bumper stickers, and other items inscribed with “Eddie would go” are a constant reminder of his legacy and memory. Eddie was of Native Hawaiian and Caucasian, mostly Portuguese, descent. His story can be found here. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eddie_Aikau
Rachel Mellon, sometimes reported as Rachel Mellon Skemp or Rachel Mellon Kemp was a 13 year old who disappeared from her Illinois home when she was home sick one day in 1996. Her step-father is the primary suspect in her disappearance and diary entries from several months earlier reported that her step dad had touched her inappropriately and tried to kiss her. Rachel is of Asian descent but her family reports she is often mistaken for Greek or Italian. Her case can be found here. https://charleyproject.org/case/rachel-marie-mellon
Hang Lee, a 17 year old girl, went missing from St Paul Minnesota on January 12th 1993. Hang was last seen with a friend Kia “Nikki” Lee. She left home with this friend between 6:00 and 7:00 p.m. but when Nikki returned home an hour later, Hang was not with her. Nikki initially told authorities Hang had left with some unidentified young men. She later changed her story and said Hang had gone to a job interview with Nikki's own employer, Mark Steven Wallace, at Wallace's small painting and carpentry business on Iroquois Avenue. Wallace told Nikki that he was looking to hire another employee and she suggested her friend Hang as Hang was looking for a new job. Nikki thought that this request from Wallace was odd as he did not have enough work to hire another employee at that time. Nikki eventually told authorities that she and Hang went to Wallace's place of work and drove around with him in a white truck before switching and driving around in a tan Chevy Cavalier. Wallace dropped Nikki off and then left with Hang in the car. Wallace also told Nikki to not report what happened to the police.After a few interviews with the police Nikki retained an attorney and is no longer cooperating. Wallace denied involvement but also retained an attorney. Wallace is the prime suspect in the disappearance of Hang Lee. He has a record which includes rape, kidnapping, stalking, and drug possession. Hang Lee has never been located and her mother and 13 siblings are still looking for her.Hang is described as a sweet and naïve teenager who is only 17 and 1993. She was 5 ft tall and weighed 90 lb. She was last seen wearing a lightweight black leather jacket, a black t-shirt with "Skid Row" written on the back, black jeans or slacks, sneakers and several pieces of jewelry, including two silver bracelets. She is described as an Asian female with black hair and brown eyes. Her parents moved from Lao (sometimes spelled Laos in the US), and she is Hmong descent. She speaks both English and Hmong. She left behind her purse, a paycheck, and all of her other belongings.Full article here.
Deborah Palmer was only 7 years old in 1997 when she was last seen getting ready for school. Her mother said goodbye as Deborah left the home to walk a few blocks to her elementary school in Oak Harbor, Washington. When Deborah’s mother tried to drop off lunch a few hours later, she was shocked to learn that her daughter never arrived. Five days later, Deborah’s body was found on a beach a few miles away. She had been strangled but not sexually assaulted. Her case is cold and unsolved 25 years later. Deborah is of African American and Filipino descent. https://www.q13fox.com/washingtons-most-wanted/little-girl-doesnt-show-up-for-school-but-shows-up-days-later-dead-on-a-beach
In September of 2019, Tampa native Paulino Norberto Del Mundo Japor Jr. decided she wanted to go on a 10 vacation to Cozumel, Mexico but during a layover in Dallas she called her sister and asked for help getting a ticket back to Florida as she had changed her mind about going to Mexico. Her family said on the phone she sounded “desperate” and “incoherent.” She never boarded a flight home or boarded her plane to Mexico. Her last known whereabouts were documented on security tapes from the Dallas airport. Her phone and bank account have not been used since that day and she was never seen again. Paulino is a transgender woman who went by the names Paula, Paulina, or Pauline. Although Paula had lived as a woman for years she had not medically transitioned and it appears she still used Paulino Norberto as her legal first and middle name. She is of Filipino descent and her family is still hoping for answers. https://charleyproject.org/case/paulino-norberto-del-mundo-japor-jr
In 1999, Xuan Cao, a 53-year-old man from China, was visiting the USA as part of a tour group. His tour group had just gotten to a hotel in North Bergen, NJ, when Xuan said he was going out to make a phone call. He disappeared and never came back. He left behind his passport and all of his luggage. It is not believed to be a voluntary disappearance.
In 1990, Tu Thi-Cam Tran, a student at the University of Maryland, Baltimore County, vanished one night on her way back to her car from the University Center. Tu, who was of Vietnamese descent, was 24 years old at the time, and in her senior year at UMBC. She went missing in the small window of time between leaving her classroom and getting into her car. Here's a write-up on her case with some more information.
Ashok Kuman Narain was last seen in Eugene, Oregon in either 1987 or 1988 where he lived with his wife and young daughter after moving from Fiji several years earlier. In 1987 the dismembered body of a pregnant woman and the body of a toddler were found floating nearby in Washington and Oregon. 20 years later these bodies were identified as Raj Mati Narain and Kamnee Koushal, the wife and daughter of Ashok, after Raj’s brother read a story about the unidentified bodies online. He had not heard from his sister since 1987 when Raj’s letters back to her family in Fiji mysteriously stopped. Ashok is wanted for questioning but his whereabouts are unknown. Authorities are looking for a white 1980 Toyota Tercel with the Oregon license plate number KUV762, which disappeared with Ashok and may be connected to Raj and Kamnee's homicides. Both Oregon and Washington authorities are investigating his disappearance.Most sources say the family is of Indo Fijian descent, however, the Charley project now reports that Ashok is of native Fijian descent. You can read their tragic story here. https://charleyproject.org/case/ashok-kumar-narain
Queens Jane Doe was an unidentified woman who fell to her death accidentally after falling off an elevated train platform in Queens, New York in January, 2000. She is described as an 18 to 28 year old Asian or Pacific Islander woman who is 5 ft 1 in in height and weighed 113 lb. She had brown eyes and 7” straight dark brown hair. She was wearing a dark brown Albert Duke brand leather jacket, a blue and white plaid button-up shirt, a dark colored bra, blue jeans, white underwear, and black Euro sneakers or boots. She was also wearing earrings. Her identity is still a mystery to this day. You can find more information here, https://unidentified-awareness.fandom.com/wiki/Queens_Jane_Doe_(January_2000)) but please be careful as post-mortem photos are available of this woman.
In 2011, Mansoor Riaz, a Microsoft software engineer, vanished one night from his Bellevue, Washington apartment. Riaz is of Pakistani descent. His story can be found here.
https://www.reddit.com/UnresolvedMysteries/comments/msgolf/a_software_developer_at_mircosoft_vanished_from/
https://charleyproject.org/case/mansoor-riaz
Yuan Xia Wang went missing near Washington DC when she was headed for a doctor’s appointment. Yuan had been found at Dulles Airport when a man who was smuggling people into the country was detained and Yuan was one of his charges. Police became suspicious when Yuan who was supposedly a Thai citizen could not speak or understand Thai, but rather spoke Mandarin. Yuan told authorities her parents in Fuzhou, China had paid money for this man to get her into the country using a Thai passport. She was supposed to live with an aunt in the US, but she didn't know where or who this person was so she was placed in foster care for the time being. Other reports say that her smuggler was supposed to take her to a hotel in Alexandria, Virginia. Her foster parents hired a Mandarin speaking babysitter to stay with her until she was enrolled in at a local middle school. Yuan went missing only a few weeks later while on the way to a doctor's appointment. She reportedly got off the school bus and was supposed to take a cab to the doctors but vanished by the time the cab arrived. Although Yuan said she was 12, she was 5’ 6” in height and most people thought she was probably 14-15 at the time of her disappearance. She is of Chinese descent and speaks Mandarin. Police believe she either ran away, was kidnapped by her family members or smugglers, or met with foul play. She may have been seen in Kansas city in 2008. Sadly her dentals, fingerprints, and DNA and not available. https://www.reddit.com/UnresolvedMysteries/comments/jbtixc/yuan_xia_wangmissing_from_lincolnia_virginia/
https://charleyproject.org/case/yuan-xia-wang
Su Cha Kim a 54 year old shop owner from Twin Falls, Idaho Was found murdered in her massage parlor in 1997. Her case is unsolved and cold. Unfortunately, little information is available online. https://www.reddit.com/UnresolvedMysteries/comments/njhce2/the_1997_murder_of_su_cha_kim_in_twin_falls_id/
https://magicvalley.com/news/local/twin-falls-police-hope-passing-years-will-help-solve-cold-cases/article_7c83fca5-9dfd-5fd6-915f-063719bc0117.html
Faloma Luhk, 10, and Maleina Luhk, 9, disappeared while waiting for their school bus in As Teo, Saipan, Northern Mariana Islands, on May 25th, 2011. The girls were last seen sitting on a concrete slab at 6:10 a.m. across the road from their bus stop, only 300 feet from the home they shared with their grandparents. The bus arrived and left without them at 6:30 am but the girls were not reported missing until they didn’t come home after school that day. The 12 mile long island of Saipan was searched thoroughly by friends, family, locals, and the FBI but no trace of the girls or their things were ever found and their disappearance remains one of the most well known mysteries from the Northern Mariana Islands. Both girls are described as Pacific Islander females with brown hair and brown eyes. In 2011, Faloma had bronze colored highlights in her bangs, and Maleina had a large birthmark on her left cheek. She is reported as small and short for her age. A distant family member by marriage, who was later arrested for domestic violence, is the prime suspect in the case. He has never been named publicly. https://www.saipantribune.com/index.php/disappearance-of-luhk-sisters-marks-10-years/
https://www.guampdn.com/news/local/10-years-later-fbi-still-looking-for-luhk-sisters-who-went-missing-from-saipan-bus/article_f22e2472-cc38-50ac-a187-2ad5f3795155.html
Dong Chull Jung disappeared within minutes in Lakewood, Washington. The 78 year old was residing at the Golden Lion Motel on Tacoma Way in Lakewood, Washington. The establishment has long been a hotbed of criminal activity and violence since at least the 1990s. On average the police responded to incidents at the 24-room hotel over 100 times per year. November 22nd 2003 was one of those times. On that day witnesses called the police after hearing a “disturbance” in Dong’s room. When the authorities arrived, they found a giant pool of blood on the floor as well as Dong’s prescription eyeglasses, but Dong was nowhere to be found. According to the News Tribune, a paper out of Tacoma, one week before Dong’s disappearance he was granted a temporary domestic violence protection order from a Paul C. Jung, who might be Dong’s adult son. In June of 2003, someone named Hae Sung Jung, got a restraining order against Dong. Hae might be the estranged wife of Dong, but this isn’t known for sure. There are vague reports that Dong was having “marital issues'' at the time of his disappearance. Very little information is available in the case. The Golden Lion Inn was finally torn down in 2017 but the fate of the elderly man who resided within remains a mystery. Dong is described as an Asian (Korean) male, with brown eyes and thinning gray hair. He is 5’6'' and weighs 135 lbs. Dong wears prescription eyeglasses but they were left behind when he vanished. If you have any information regarding the disappearance of Dong Jung please call Pierce County Crime Stoppers 253-591-5959. https://charleyproject.org/case/dong-chull-jung
Gordon Kaipo Kealoha, 59, disappeared along with his dog Mahina in 2011. They were last seen fishing near Honolulu where they lived on July 8; Gordon cherished Mahina and brought her almost everywhere he went. After his disappearance, Gordon's white minivan was found abandoned, and his dinghy was found in the water, floating away from his home. Gordon is 6'1 and 250 pounds, and he is of Native Hawaiian descent.
https://charleyproject.org/case/gordon-kaipo-kealoha
Amber Aiaz and Melissa Fu were mother and daughter who went missing In November, 2019 from Irvine, California. The story of their disappearance and possible kidnapping is complicated. I would suggest reading the story here or here if you are interested in the details but the basic story is this. Amber's husband, Cheng Zhang, reported his wife and stepdaughter missing to the police about a week after they were last seen. He said that a Chinese man and woman came to his door, put something on his face and he passed out. He reported that when he woke up he found blood and evidence of a struggle in the apartment. He also found a note telling him not to report his wife and daughter missing to the police for at least several days and continued to get notes over the next week. He did what the notes instructed for the next several days. When he finally did report his wife and stepdaughter missing, police were skeptical of his story to say the least. Several months later police reported that they had found nothing to indicate that Cheng’s story was untrue, including over 40 hours of interviews with him and 44 days of around the clock surveillance. In the past Amber had told acquaintances that she was a very wealthy woman who had millions of dollars to her name. While this was not true, authorities speculated that Amber may have been kidnapped for ransom only for her captors to find out that her story of riches was nothing more than a farce. Amber's money has not been touched in either her Chinese or American bank accounts. Both mother and daughter left behind their passports and there's no indication that either of them have entered China.
Amber is described as a 34-year-old Chinese woman who is 5'9 and weighed 180 lb. She has black hair and brown eyes. When last seen she was wearing a black shirt, a black vest, black fitted pants with white writing on them, and light colored shoes. She may use the name Mei Yi Wu or Meiyi W. Wu.
Melissa is described as a 12 or 13 year old Chinese female with black hair and brown eyes. She was 5 '11” in height and weighed about 200 lb. She was last seen wearing a black tracksuit.
Cheng described the unidentified abductors as a Chinese couple in their 40s. Both had average builds. The woman was reported to be about 5’8” and had her black hair tied back in a bun. The man was of average build about 190 lb. and 5 '10”. He had short black hair. The couple may have been driving a black Cadillac and they may have been seen near the apartment complex that day by other neighbors.
Destiny Dee Sanith was last seen by her family on March 3rd, 2022 in Williamstown New Jersey. At about 2:30 in the afternoon on March 3rd, she asked her mom if she could borrow the car to go visit a friend in South Philadelphia. When Destiny did not return in the evening her mother learned that she never made it to her friend's house that day. New Jersey police had contact with Destiny at about 5:20 a.m. on March 4th In Folsom New Jersey. Destiny and her car were near a strip mall at the time. What exactly happened is not clear but police reported they helped Destiny move her car into a parking spot and then gave her a ride to a Wawa convenience store about a mile up the road. Destiny's family has reported that they have surveillance video of Destiny entering and then later leaving the Wawa store after purchasing a drink. At about 9:00 a.m. she was seen leaving the store with a drink crossing the road, turning into another convenience store and then going behind the building and out of view. This is the last known sighting and location of Destiny Sanith. On March 5th when Destiny had still not returned home she was reported missing to the police and her family learned about her interaction with the police on the morning of March 4th. Destiny has not been seen or heard from since.
Destiny is described as an Asian female 27 years old, who is 5'6 and height and weighs about 160 lb. She reportedly has short wavy brown hair and brown eyes. She was last seen wearing black sweatpants, a black Nike sweatshirt, a backpack, white and red Air Jordan sneakers, wearing earrings and carrying a coffee. She has a tattoo of the Virgo symbol on her right hand. Her nickname is Dara. Her family has set up a GoFundMe to help find Destiny and hire a private investigator. Full article here.
Myong Keun Noah, who went by the nickname Mike, was seen by his family at around 7:00 p.m. on May 1st, 2007 in San Bruno, CA. Mike owned a private car company called E Limousine Services that he ran out of his home. That evening Mike told his son that he had to leave to pick up a 7:30 p.m fare. He did not tell his son where he was picking up the fare. Mike's wife was at an evening class at the time. Neither he or his black Lincoln town car was ever seen again. His car was new and didn't have permanent license plates, but had the transportation carrier permit number TCP 18525 printed on the back bumper. It had a transponder that registers when it enters San Francisco International Airport, but the transponder did not register a trip to the airport that evening. A search of parking areas at both the San Francisco Airport and the Oakland Airport did not locate Mike or his car. Mike's bank account and his phone have not been used since May 1st, 2007. Mike had no history of running away or dropping out of sight, he had no reported mental health issues, no personal problems, and no enemies. Police report that they are baffled by his disappearance. Mike was a US Army veteran and a naturalized American citizen. He had one teenaged son with his current wife and two adult children from a previous marriage however, no one in Mike's family has heard from him since May 1st, 2007. Mike is described as an Asian male, 60 years old in 2007, with brown eyes and black and gray hair. He is 5 ft 8 in in height and weighs about 165 lbs. He was last seen wearing a black suit with a white shirt. He may spell his last name “Noh.” He is of Korean descent.
https://www.sfgate.com/bayarea/article/SAN-BRUNO-Wife-police-plead-for-help-finding-2559008.php
https://charleyproject.org/case/myoung-keun-noah
What happened to these people?
submitted by Quirky-Motor to UnresolvedMysteries [link] [comments]

2023.05.22 21:07 kasutori_Jack 2023 r/baseball Power Rankings -- Weel 8: Top 10 in Flux, New York Goes +8 Together (Mostly Mets) and Cardinals Fix Their Wings, Don't Trust 'B' Teams as Blue Birds and Brewers Bottom Out, All of ALE Nearly Top 10

Hey Sportsfans — it's time for Week 8 of baseball Power Rankings: Nearing the end of May, what teams are real? What performances are sustainable? Is your team human or are they danfer? If I can't scuba, then what's this all been about? I could make more references, but let's skip to the part where you get upset at numbers.
Every voter has their own style / system and the only voting instructions are these:
"To an extent determined individually, you must take into account how strong a team is right now and likely to be going forward. You must, to some degree, give weight to the events and games of the previous week."
TRANSPARENCY: This link will show you who voted each team where and has added neat statistics!
If something is a little messed up, feel free to pester me let me know.
Total Votes: 29 of 30. So close.
# Team Δ Comment Record
1 Rays 0 Another would-be dominant week for the Rays was spoiled because, as it turns out, polar bears are natural predators of our fine-flapped friends. Fortunately, the dirty water of the East River has been left behind for a return to the cerulean gulf seas to face more darker blues. The bullpen is peak MacGyver right now, with Kevin Cash desparately trying to patch innings together with waivers, cash trades, and a very unstable stable. Luckily Glasnow has looked good in his rehab starts, he can't arrive soon enough. 34-14
2 Braves +1 4-2 on the week with two series wins including one against the Rangers who I have at 4th this week. If Shuster can provide a much needed stop gap in our injury depleted rotation, we can hopefully keep on winning until we can upgrade. Marcel Ozuna is a player of the month candiate and Acuna is the current unanimous MVP of the NL (and quite possibly the entire MLB). We are deep and we are good. Just keep doing your jobs. 29-17
3 Rangers +1 Interesting week for the Ranges, losing a very winnable series agains the Braves then sweeping the Rockies makes it a positive week. Bullpen is still scary. Go Stars. We're having fun. 29-17
4 Orioles +2 I hesitated to put the Orioles at #1 this week, however I had to. They might be the best team in baseball right now. Of course, a bad week can change all that but for right now, they look great. Yes, Yennier Cano finally gave up a run, which ballooned his ERA to 0.38 and the offense hasn't clicked as much as the pitching, but they keep winning. They do keep mentioning the "logjam" of prospects in the infield though, which makes me really wonder who is/are the odd man/men out when the trading deadline approaches, and do they go for it all this year? Still a little ahead of schedule, would the fan base be irate if they did minor moves at the deadline and didn't get a #1/2 starter and a big bat? It is a problem I would love for the team to have come the end of July. 31-16
5 Dodgers -3 29-19
6 Astros +3 Altuve is back and the Framburglar is on the loose. Hide your kids, your wife, and your ballpark tour wristband. With so much uncertainty and inconsistency surrounding our pitching staff right now, it was great seeing a CGSO from Framber on Sunday. Short road trip this week, including a set against an old NL Central foe, which should get the team back to Houston in time to finally bury LMJ in the H - at least until the ASB. 27-19
7 Yankees +3 Judge is a machine, Rizzo’s raking, the Jays looked softer than their collective belt lines, Sevy’s back, Rortvedt’s real (and he’s spectacular)... what more could you want out of a road trip?? Now it’s back to the Bronx with a full head of steam to take on the red hot Orioles. This is another big early series, and it should be a good one. 29-20
8 Twins 0 West coast trips always seem to be trouble for us, and that trend continued with a 2-4 week in Los Angeles and what Arte Moreno thinks is Los Angeles. Our run differential for the trip was zero though, plus some bad umpiring (Minnesota has renewed its blood feud with Phil Cuzzi) and it feels like this trip could easily have swung the other way. Also, we beat Kershaw so that was nice. 25-22
9 D-Backs +2 The Diamondbacks had a good week, taking a series each from the A's and the Pirates. After a run of dominant outings, Zac Gallen got rocked in the first game in Pittsburgh, but the team rebounded to take the latter two games, including against Mitch Keller. Importantly, Corbin Carroll is stealing bases again after an injury scare a few weeks ago. 27-20
10 Blue Jays -5 Bad week. 1-6 vs the Yankees and Orioles. I could go on about the bad vibes, the offense disappearing, Manoah losing it, stupid nothing burger fake controversies like Judge's peeking, sticky stuff, etc. But instead, let me just say this: I just found out today that my younger cousin back in Ohio, whom I love, OD'ed at 34. I fucking hate drugs. Fentanyl and opiates have destroyed so much of the Rust Belt, and I'm honestly shocked when I find out people from back home are willing to still take the risk of buying a white powder. I now personally know 15 people who have died because of this shit, and I'm just over it. Hug your people. Ask about anyone you're worried about. Don't do the bad drugs. 25-22
11 Red Sox +1 The Sox had a bounce-back week, taking 2 out of 3 against both Seattle and San Diego. Prior to the 2023 season, there were quite a few legitmate concerns about the Sox lineup and pitching staff that had most people (including myself) counting them out. While the pitching staff is still up in the air, the lineup has silenced all haters and/or fools who questioned them. Chaim has built serious depth, to the point where arguably the worst hitter in the lineup is our rookie 1B who has an .825 OPS in May and a 16.2 BB% for the season. The goal right now is to try and salvage some sort of rotation from our basket of should-just-be-multi-inning-reliever guys. Stay above .500 until Story returns from the IL, and go from there. 26-21
12 Brewers -5 Going 5-5 for the week is okay, especially when you play the Rays at the Trop and hand them their 4th loss at home for the year. Seriously, 21-4 at home Tampa Bay? What the hell? Milwaukee is a pretty average team and has been weathering the decimation of the starting rotation fairly well, but I'm counting down the days until we can have the planned rotation back. A slightly below average hitting team can't keep winning throwing out Joe Nobody to start. 25-21
13 Mets +5 The Mets are not good for my blood pressure, but they are good at baseball. They won 5 out of 6 this week (2 out of 3 from the Rays and a sweep of Cleveland) and seem to have staged 4 different dramatic comebacks in each of these games. Brett Baty's Statcast sliders are live and they're filthy. Alvarez and Vientos are hitting bombs of their own. Our retirement home of aces is finally working out. Pete Alonso has spent this week doing a lot of humping the air. Next up is 3 at Wrigley and 3 at Coors. 25-23
14 Angels 0 Sunday was a welcomed return to form on the mound for Shohei Ohtani. Having split a four-game set to open the week in Baltimore, Shohei's solid six innings secured a series win against the Twins. A needed one at that. Of the eight home runs that Shohei has allowed, seven have come on pitches in the middle-to-lower-middle part of the plate. Around the sides and off the plate he has been largely unhittable. 25-23
15 Mariners -2 A tale of two series - blowouts for both teams in Boston, followed by three fairly close games in Atlanta. All in all, a 4-5 road trip. The pitching still generally looks great, but the offense... yeah. The season will be determined by whether the top-of-MLB pitching or the bottom-of-MLB hitting regresses to the mean first, and really, it could go either way at this point. Up next: 4 vs. Ramon Laureano plus 25 people I've never heard of, 3 vs. Pirates of the CaribbeanAllegheny 22-24
16 Pirates -1 On Wednesday, the Pirates went up against Eduardo Rodriguez, who entered the game as one of the best pitchers in the American League this year. WHACK! The Bucs tagged him for 4 runs in 5 innings en route to an 8-0 victory. On Friday, the Pirates faced Zac Gallen, who has established himself as one of the best starters on the Senior Circuit. CRACK! POW! The Bucs dropped 8 runs on him and won 13-3. Also they lost every other game they played this week, 24-22
17 Phillies -1 Immediately after I say that things are looking up for the Phillies, they lose 4 games to start the week against sub .500 teams. Then, they score more runs on Saturday than in their previous 5 games. Trea Turner continues to disappoint with an OPS 67 points lower than his previous career low while only stealing 5 bases. Kyle Schwarber has an appalling .174 batting average but apparently ripping dingers makes up for that and his terrible defense. Hopefully June Schwarber actually shows up this year. Aaron Nola is pitching deep into games again, going 7 innings in both outings this week including a 2 run, 10 strikeout performance on Sunday. In this wildly inconsistent season, I almost expect the Phillies to do well in 3 games against the Diamondbacks and 4 in Atlanta, but the Philly sports fan in me is expecting more disappointment. 22-24
18 Cardinals +4 2-1 v MIL; 3-1 v LAD; the offense continues their tear with production from the entire lineup, Gorman most of all. Don't get distracted . . . 21-27
19 Padres -2 It's really hard to find anything positive to say about the club right now...so I won't! Instead let me pivot to something much more fun, Soccer! On Thursday, MLS announced its 30th club will be located in San Diego! The team will debut in 2025, so plenty of time for us to discuss the team colors, the name (not fcsdfcunitedclubsc please), and the branding, as well as learn about the league in general. I'm looking forwards to watching matches against Club Tijuana. What will those game's be called? Frontera fuego? Border Bonanza's? 21-26
20 Gigantes +3 Bad news first – Helliot Ramos will likely not impact the 2023 season with injuries and not goodness, Bart and Slater are out for another week, and Joc Pederson’s love affair with the hospital continues. Anyway, the Giants had a extremely satisfying 5 – 1 week with the one loss being a 1 – 0 shutout, thus a 6 – 0 stretch was within reach. They swept the NL Champion Phillies and took 2 from the Marlins who are actually talented this year. Casey Schmitt continues to be the opposite of a mirage and now Bailey Patrick might be a thing and I will continue to reverse his name to remind me of Buster Posey. Here are the numbers, now correctly compared with last weak instead of guessing: 19th in MLB in Run Diff (+3 spots), 18th in RS / G (-2), 20th in RA / G (+4), 28th in Bullpen ERA (=). Playing good teams without a break continues – on the road @ the tough Twins who dominate a bad division and 4 @ Brewers. In case you were wondering, it's vs Pirates after that because apparently Manfred just wants us to play the Centrals. Unrelated, fuck John Fisher. 22-24
21 Marlins 0 Well, after the second of appearance of sweepy against the Nats, we dropped a series in san fran to start off our west coast road trip. That being said, Soler is still mashing the hell out of the ball and Eury Perez is has now had two good outings to kick off his major league career. The offense has been scuffling somewhat now that jazz is out due to a foot injury but hopefully the marlins can get a series win in denver before we go off to anaheim to face off trout and shohei. oh yeah, heat and panthers in 5. 24-23
22 Cubs -3 The Cubs continued their terrible recent play by going 1-5 this week. The starting pitching imploded, the bullpen continued to suck, and it seems like the offense's last hit with RISP was against the A's, who over the past 31 days are the only team worse than the Cubs. The good vibes of the first weeks of April is now a distant memory. Yet somehow, they are still only 5 games behind in the NL Central and 4 out of a Wild Card spot. A pivotal week looms, as the Cubs cannot afford to slip further if they wish to push for the playoffs. They host the Mets and Reds this week. 20-26
23 Guardians -3 Do I really have to talk about the Guardians? I guess that's what I signed up to do. Another bad week of blowing leads. Whenever one thing seems to get better, another gets worse. 20-26
24 Tigers 0 Not too much of an eventful week. Miggy keeps getting his farewell gifts on the road (side note: do we really need to actually do these?), Javy Baez continues his resurgence, and we keep ticking down the minutes until the MLB Draft, where the boys will have their pick of anyone other than almost certainly Dylan Crews and Paul Skenes. This week: 3 at KCR, 4 vs. CWS. 20-24
25 Nationals +1 Generally a 3-4 record in a week isn't anything to write home about, but for the 2023 Nationals that's a relatively cheerful feeling. After splitting a series with the Mets, the Nats got swept by the Marlins in 3 closely contested games (1 run, 1 run, 2 runs) and then took 2 of 3 from the Tigers. As of my ranking the Nationals at 27, anytime you take a series off a team above you, that's cause for cheering. 20-27
26 Reds -1 The Reds are fine. They’re just fine. What do you want me to say, they’re fine. They’re okay, it’s just fine, everything is fine I don’t know what you want from me everything is just fine. IT’S OKAY. WE’RE FINE, I JUST WANT EVERYTHING TO BE FINE, IT’S ALRIGHT TO FEEL SAD SOMETIMES. That’s what I've learned as of late. The Reds make me feel happy sometimes, but then they make me feel sad. I’ve been feeling this for a while. You’ve gotta find the positives sometimes. You know when you’re sitting on the edge of a bed in a Motel 6 because your wife kicked you out after asking for a divorce, and it’s been 2 hours and you haven’t moved from the bed because you’re staring at the carpet pattern on the floor. IT’S A REALLY NICE PATTERN OKAY. I don’t need to talk to anyone, I’m just trying to figure things out, I still have to go and indulge in mediocrity at my shitty factory job tomorrow, I’m just trying okay? It’s a bad job, and I’m pretty sure I've inhaled enough chemicals and dust to kill me by 60, I’m not wanting to look on the sour side of things. Let’s look at the positives, weeee baseball whoooo GO REDS YEAHHHHHHHHH. ARE WE FEELING HAPPY YET, COME ON SAY IT WITH ME, GO REDS, GO REDS, GO REDS. No? Not happy? Still thinking about your impending divorce from the woman you thought loved you? Still thinking about the custody of your only child? Still wondering how long you can live out of a Motel 6? This isn’t even a nice motel, the breakfast isn’t even that good, it’s just some stale muffins and discount off brand froot loops called Silly Circles or something and it’s just terrible, they have like 3 day old fruit that are well over ripe and their scrambled eggs are like out of a carton and they taste like foam. Oh maybe just make a waffle, they got that premade batter station, but oh it’s empty, I’M STUCK EATING THE GODDAMN SILLY CIRCLES AGAIN, GODDAMMIT I HATE YOU SILLY CIRCLES. You know what, you know what I’m gonna do, I’m gonna find out who made these Silly Circles, I am going to find them and send them a box of Froot Loops, because they clearly don’t know what Froot Loops are supposed to taste like. WHAT’S EVEN SILLY ABOUT IT, THEY’RE JUST CIRCLES, THERE IS NOTHING SILLY ABOUT THEM I JUST WANT TO FIND A WAY TO DEAL WITH MY DIVORCE AND THIS GODDAMN CEREAL IS RUINING MY DAY. Anyway the Reds lost like 5 million games this week, fuck me. 19-27
27 White Sox +1 It took until May 21st, but the White Sox have their first sweep of the season. All it took was the entire pitching staff show up. And, really, it's about time. White Sox pitching has been atrocious this year but has finally come along, posting a league-best 2.11 ERA over the last 10 days. Don't look now but after winning 4 of the last 6 series, the White Sox are checks notes only 10 games under 500. (And yet still only 9 games back in the division) 19-29
28 Rockies -1 On the position player side, the Rockies are looking good for the future with Ezequiel Tovar, Brenton Doyle and Michael Toglia all getting regular playing time, with Doyle particularly standing out. Now if they could call up Nolan Jones and maybe even Drew Romo, that'd be great. The pitching side on the other hand, they called up two rookies with ERAs over 7 in AAA because they're pretty desperate for any arms that can throw major league innings. 19-28
29 Royals 0 Vinnie Pasquantino wants to stay with the Royals for the rest of his career. The Royals need to make this happen. Only three players have guaranteed money for 2024, and two of those are Hunter Dozier and Jordan Lyles. That's not how one builds a winning team. Lock Pasquantino up, then sign some of the young core. Otherwise, it really might be 2045 until they win again. 14-34
30 Athletics 0 Yeah this sucks. the a's have 30 more L's than they do wins and its not even memorial day. They have 8 pitchers on the IL- most of them were supposed to be high leverage relievers or coliseum merchant starters. its either darkest just before the dawn (a new stadium in oakland and a winning team) or darkest just before it goes black (vegas) 10-38
submitted by kasutori_Jack to baseball [link] [comments]

2023.05.19 16:51 decho Pre-Match Thread: Barcelona vs Real Sociedad [La Liga]

Match Information:

 
Match: Barcelona vs Real Sociedad
Competition: La Liga
Date: Saturday, 20th of May 2023
Time: 21:00 CEST / 15:00 EDT - Convert to local time
Venue: Camp Nou, Barcelona - 99354 capacity
Referee: Javier Alberola Rojas
 

Lineups and Squads:

 
Barcelona - Official squad to be confirmed
GK: Ter Stegen, Iñaki Peña
DEF: Araújo, Christensen, Alonso, Alba, Koundé, Eric, Álex Baldé
MID: Busquets, Pedri, Kessié, Sergi Roberto, Frenkie, Gavi
ATT: Dembélé, Lewandowski, Fati, Ferran Torres, Raphinha
Unavailable: Gavi (suspended)
Not called:
Real Sociedad - Official squad to be confirmed
GK: Álex Remiro, Andoni Zubiaurre
DEF: Alex Sola, Zubeldía, Elustondo, Aihen Muñoz, Diego Rico, Gorosabel, Jon Pacheco, Robin Le Normand
MID: Martín Zubimendi, Illarramendi, Mikel Merino, Takefusa Kubo, Guevara, Robert Navarro, David Silva, Beñat Imaz, Brais Méndez
ATT: Barrenetxea, Carlos Fernández, Mikel Oyarzabal, Mohamed-Ali Cho, Alexander Sørloth, Umar Sadiq, Martín Merquelanz
Unavailable: Brais Méndez, Umar Sadiq, Martín Merquelanz (injured)
Not called:
 

Form guide:

 
Barcelona
Real Sociedad
 

Head-to-head:

 
 

Comments (Post-match thread):

 
Author: Eric_Lin_98 Score: 212 pts Source
Dembele what a game wow
Author: Rthanos Score: 154 pts Source
Sociedad defenders gonna check under their bed for Dembele tonight.
Author: Hdavidcs Score: 132 pts Source
Ter Stegen’s hair has to be studied by scientists
Author: AlexDBZ Score: 130 pts Source
Master class from Dembele, he’s on really good form recently and I’m loving it
One critique from me is that this team needs to be clinical and we gotta put more goals away.
Overall good win against a good Real Sociedad team
Author: atn420 Score: 122 pts Source
Sociedad is 3rd in LaLiga for a reason, and they showed up and fought for every inch, even with a man down. That's respectable.
Author: GaviFPS Score: 79 pts Source
Dembele with the one man show
Author: Sufficient_Wonder752 Score: 79 pts Source
How the fuck did that end 1-0
Author: COMUNISTSWINE69 Score: 75 pts Source
That was some chillingly beautiful football, the way this team has progressed over the past season is nothing short of incredible. Slowly but surely we are looking like our old selves again, I have max faith in Xavi right now
Author: notactualrest Score: 69 pts Source
Dembele is finally showing why we bought him for so much money back then. Undoubtedly Motm.
I gotta give a shout out to Sociedad aswell. They are extremely impressive and I could honestly see them go far this season, easily top 4 if they keep up their form.
Author: Kotleba Score: 59 pts Source
What a frustrating match. We played so well in the first half despite the lack of luck in front of goal, but losing intensity after going up 1-0 yet again... against 10 men no less.
Author: Thousandz Score: 56 pts Source
Xavi is the only person that still spikes his hair in 2023 😂
Author: stillsearchingforone Score: 56 pts Source
Ter stegen . Dembele . Our best players this season And please pedri dont be injured that's all what im asking
Author: Hdavidcs Score: 49 pts Source
Great match, tough team to beat (7 matches without a loss) yet we managed to dominated them most of the match.
Again, we had enough chances to finish the game 3-0, but luckily they weren’t dangerous enough until they went all out in the last few minutes
Author: xscientist Score: 44 pts Source
Some great football, some poor decision making near the box, some atrocious finishing. Probably should have ended 5-2 tbf. Onwards…
Author: JuicyEgg91 Score: 43 pts Source
74% possession, 549 passes, 20 (6) shots and somehow finished with one goal lol
Author: edinkon Score: 39 pts Source
We need to score more and realise more of our chances, other than that this game was one of the best Barca performances of recent years, and even not so recent. What was missing was a 2nd or 3rd goals to finish the game and progress calmly. If this team gets just a little bit more clinical and scores 1 goal more per match there is no stopping us at this level. Great game, even with a shit ref like Gil Manzano, we were able to completely dominate one of the best sides in the league.
Dembele on a good day is the best player itw, only the consistency is missing, but it will hopefully happen soon.
Author: Ifonlymymomwashot Score: 32 pts Source
Some might complain but it’s real sociedad who r comfortably third in the league, won their last nine games. Came into this game with a good defensive record and great form. Obviously second half wasn’t as good but tbh we should had scored a lot more goals in the first half and overall in the game. Had we scored some of those chances, this game could had been easily comfortable. Another clean sheet too.
We r two games from another trophy, beat third place team on great form, another clean sheet and could had scored more goals. If u told me this before the game started I would have been very happy
Author: darkestcircle Score: 28 pts Source
Prime Busquets showed up today.
Author: Samdav3 Score: 27 pts Source
Pedri is fine, he is not injured. He will be available for the next match. —
@fansjavimiguel
Author: Jaul18 Score: 27 pts Source
  • Normal, semi-consistent/semi-inconsistent Dembele? Comfortably our 3rd best player but easily our most dangerous/creative player.
  • The Dembele we saw today? BY FAR our best player and it's not close, regardless of how good Lewandowski, Pedri, and MATS are.
I've been a Dembele stan for a LONG time... Although I have been willing to fairly criticize his inexcusable mistakes, I've also defended him even when he was completely out of form and wasteful, I've held on to the hope of his potential when he was constantly injured, and I have cherished the change in attitude and performance since Xavi got here.
But today is the first time I genuinely thought that Dembele is the true heir to Messi at this club (since Neymar isn't here). The only other Barca players I've seen have that overwhelmingly dominant of a performance in a match in the last decade+ are prime Neymar, Iniesta, and Xavi... All legendary, once-in-a-multiple generation type players.
Not only that, his play honestly has, slowly, become more refined and consistent, and I don't think it's a coincidence that it's happening now that he's finally injury free (1.5 years now). So many of us thought that those 3-4 years riddled with injuries had ruined/stunted his potential, but I think his performances now are showing that his development was merely delayed. The more time he gets in this system while injury-free, the more consistent and dominant he will become.
He has legitimately everything he needs to be a super star, top 3 player in the world. The one thing he's missing is consistency. I really believe he just needs more time. It's unfortunate his injuries and first 2-3 years of professional immaturity robbed us all of his ridiculous potential being developed, but... that's life, and it looks like he's figured it out.
Author: innatejuiciness Score: 20 pts Source
We need to improve our finishing, you know this will cost us important games this season otherwise. Nice win. We played some incredible football today. The team was clearly thinking about this game the other day against Getafe. Complete turnaround in a couple of days, they played with great intensity and concentration.
Author: mattisafootballguy Score: 17 pts Source
Great performance for the most part, lackadaisical finishing and couple defensive errors though.
The team's intensity was generally great and more importantly consistent for most of the match.
Author: goldenkerelle Score: 15 pts Source
Ngl that dembele goal reminded me of a run mbappe would do
Author: Sufficient_Wonder752 Score: 13 pts Source
We need Auba back for Dembeles final evolution
Author: 2ghee_or_not_2ghee Score: 12 pts Source
GG Dembele. But ESPN commentary is so annoying. Constantly misidentifying players
Author: tekkers_for_debrz Score: 10 pts Source
I’m glad we are now winning games 1-0 instead of losing 1-0 on a stupid counter attack/mistake
Author: LakeEnd Score: 9 pts Source
Post news about Pedris injury if you get them please. I hope it was just minor knock.
Author: Illustrious_Stay_728 Score: 9 pts Source
How freaking good is our back 3 defenders??! Very happy xavi has gone away from using ferran and Garcia
Author: IllmaticDynastic Score: 8 pts Source
Funny enough a certain fanbase was unironically bitching and moaning during the game about us "getting helped by the refs" lol there's a lack of self awareness and straight up delusion... forgetting that the very same ref is the main reason they're still in this competition 🙎‍♂️madridiots for a reason
Author: atn420 Score: 8 pts Source
Gil Manzano!
Who had on their bingo card Gil giving a red card out, but NOT to Barcelona? I would have never believed that that sort of situation would transpire after the entire Lewandowski fiasco. I expected a red on us from Gil. He was letting some go early. Reals coach himself stated after the game that he would have given the red card as well.
Author: [deleted] Score: 8 pts Source
Too many 1-0 To be honest
Author: Allstate85 Score: 7 pts Source
Same formula for a lot of our games, dominant the game score a goal, can’t get the second, put it the subs and than have to hold on to win.
Cant even blame Xavi they had a ton of chances, the only reason I can think is that Lewy hasn’t been able to get back into form because of his suspension.
 

Quotes:

 
Xavi: "I wouldn't say we are a defensive team, but we have been solid defensively. We have been excellent defensively, but not so much offensively." - src @barcacentre
Xavi: "Pivot as a priority signing? Totally. We need a pivot." - src @barcacentre
Xavi: "We want to do better in Europe. It's a main objective. We haven't reached the level that this club demands in Europe, we are aware of that." - src @barcacentre
Xavi: "These four games will not condition the future of any player." - src @barcacentre
Xavi: "I would stay here for the rest of my life, but this is all about results and performance. This season is paying off for me. We are very excited to do even bigger things. It will depend on the results." - src @barcacentre
Xavi: "We've had a great season, we don't have to compare it with other clubs. Our scale is from within, with the effort of the board of directors. It's everyone's merit and I feel very proud." - src @barcacentre
Xavi: "My renewal? Let's talk about it, it won't be a problem, but it's not the priority now. I have one more year on my contract. I will never be a problem for Barça, despite having read that there are discrepancies." - src @barcacentre
Xavi: "Manchester City beating Madrid? City were far superior and took advantage of it. They are the fair winner and the best team in the world." - src @barcacentre
Xavi: "I was very happy to win the Super Cup, but this gives us a lot of stability. It has been a magical week. The club has made an extraordinary effort to get to where we are." - src @barcacentre
Xavi: "The bus parade? I was surprised to see so many people, but it had been four seasons since we had won a major title. There was a desire to celebrate, pure passion... The players and I really enjoyed it." - src @barcacentre
Xavi: "We attach great importance to La Liga." - src @barcacentre
Xavi: "Departures? We are planning, but we haven't talked to the players yet. We are moving, yes." - src @barcacentre
Xavi: "Zubimendi? I like all of Real Sociedad. Imanol does an extraordinary job, similar to ours. Zubimendi is an extraordinary pivot, he understands the game very well, he dominates with and without the ball." - src @barcacentre
Xavi: "Mateu has been very clear and has told us that he wants to be here, that Barça is great and that he wanted to return. He's a brutal worker, he has brought a lot of order to the club. We will miss Jordi." - src @barcacentre
Xavi Hernández: "The sensations? I'm very happy and proud. Tomorrow's game is to be enjoyed with the fans. People had the need to celebrate things. We want to finish La Liga with good feelings, we still have goals like the Pichichi and Zamora." - src @barcacentre
 

Latest News:

 
[Article] - The league champions return to training - fcbarcelona.com
 

TV/Online:

 
Livesoccertv Liveonsat
 
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2023.05.13 12:40 afreakingchorizo [DREs] All References from Drag Race España S3E04

Did someone order a freaking chorizo? Here you have your weekly dose of Spanish cultural references explained. This week DREs is all about Spanish horror movies but don't worry, I bring you everything you need to know to get this week's (awful) acting challenge!
01:28 - In her mirror message, Chanel calls the other queens “desgraciadas”. Although it has been translated as “bitch”, this is a word that literally means “unfortunate” or “out of luck”. That’s why Hornella says that the real “desgraciada” here is Chanel because she left.
02:46 - Pakita can’t get down from the table because she’s so petite, so when Vania comes and helps her down she says “menos mal que ha venido un señor a recogerme” (How convenient this MAN is here to help). The subtitles said “woman”.
03:11 - Pakita starts singing (and she can sing!) this song. There’s been three Maria del Monte songs mentioned in two episodes.
03:58 - You might’ve guessed it, but when Kelly mentions “el poder de tres” (the power of three) and Hornella and Pakita call themselves “las embruja-drags”, they are referencing the TV show Charmed. In Spanish, this show was called “Embrujadas” (which literally translates to “bewitched”, which is confusing).
06:24 - Supremme mentions the iconic Spanish actress Rossy de Palma during her video intro to this week’s maxichallenge.
08:09 - Macarena wants to invest the cash prize in a fry shop to serve “chicharrones” (pork rinds) and “pescaito frito” (fried fish). Both are very typically consumed in southern Spain, more precisely in Cadiz, Macarena’s hometown.
08:40 - When the pit-crew enters the werkroom one of the queens say “¡están de miedo!”, which literally means “the scare me!”. It’s an informal expression of approval (they are scary hot) that’s in-theme with this horror episode.
9:46 - When it’s her turn to pop a balloon, Bestiah compares herself with a “mariquita”. This is an informal way of calling someone gay (check the similarity with “maricón”), but also the actual spanish word for “ladybug”. Bestiah is talking about the bug in this case.
10:08 - As Vania approaches the pit-crew she sings a little bit of this Raffaela Carrà song whose lyrics say something about your heart exploding (like a balloon, get it?)
12:43 - It’s mentioned a couple of times throughout the episode but the subtitles got it wrong: “activazo” or “activo” means top (not active), as opposed to “pasivo” which means bottom.
The three films that are being parodied this week are three very famous and recognizable Spanish horror films:
15:20 - Paco Plaza is the director of [•REC], two of its sequels and several other horror films. In his video intro, he says he’s gonna “pasárselo de miedo” (have a scary time), which means having a blast.
15:48 - When Hornella is passing her castmates their scripts, Kelly calls her “actriz de reparto” (supporting actress). The verb “repartir” also means “to distribute”. For me, para mi, this joke was funnier than the rest of this episode.
16:01 - Some of the names of the characters in “El guarranato” are also puns: Patty Coja (Limp leg), Simona (originally, Simón), Tomasa (originally, Tomás)... and Juana y Medium, which is a play on the name of a Spanish TV show host known as Juan y medio (Juan “and a half”, because he’s quite tall).
17:22 - In the case of REC DRAG, the characters are: Ángela Portera (originally, just Ángela, but Ángela Portero is a gossip TV journalist), Pabla (originally, Pablo) and Tristana Medeiros (same name as in the movie).
18:36 - According to Pitita, her character in the skit wants to be beloved TV presenter Anne Igartiburu.
19:04 - Finally, the characters for “Las otras” are: Grace por Venir (originally, Grace, but also a play on words that sounds almost like “gracias por venir”, thank you for coming), Ana la Locking (originally, Anne, but also a joke based on Ana Locking’s name. Locking sounds like “loca” so, it would be like saying “Ana the crazy one”) and Mary Pomppins (“pompis” is a cutesy name for “butt”).
21:02 - When Hornella is pretending that Macarena is a ghost from S1, Macarena tells her not to “escupir p’arriba” (spit upwards), an expression that means to not piss in the wind.
21:07 - Right before the shooting begins, Macarena is sure that her team is going to “arrasar” (to smash it) like Mexican singer Thalia, a reference that you might get because her song “Arrasando” was used for a lip-sync last season.
23:14 - Hornella says that she feels like comedian and actress Lina Morgan, whose comedy style was largely based on playing dumb.
24:04 - When we say something “huele a muerto” (smells like a dead thing) we just mean that it smells like shit.
25:03 - Clover is finding inspiration in the daughters of footballer Andrés Iniesta (not his actual daughters, just because he is very pale) and Spanish former president Zapatero, who actually has two daughters that became the talk of the town due to their gothic-esque looks they wore for this picture taken during one of the Obamas visit to our country in 2009.
25:48 - When Macarena uncovers Maria Edilia, Clover thinks the real youtuber called Soyunapringada (Iamaloser) came to set today.
26:51 - There are four REC films in total, but Paco didn’t direct the fourth one.
30:37 - I can’t think of many Pastora Soler’s songs that could move anyone to start jerking off, so I’m leaving here her stunning performance in Eurovision 2012.
31:08 - When you feel sexually attracted to someone you could say that person gives you “morbo”, which is what Clover thinks guys feel for her when she’s in drag. This was translated as “morbidity” in the official subs and that’s NOT it.
33:55 - I guess you got it, but when Visa talks about tortillas she means the flour kind, not the Spanish omelet.
37:01 - When Supremme asks Javi Ambrossi if he’d rather go to the movies with a ghost, an alien or a bug this has a double meaning. Spanish people call overly confident/braggy people “fantasma” (ghost) and mean/ugly people “bicho” (bug). Bicho can also be innuendo for a dick.
CATEGORY IS… MY WORST ME
38:55 - During VANIA’s runway, both Javis say “¿qué currículum tiene esta tarántula?” (what’s this tarantula’s resume?), a direct quote from La Veneno.
39:08 - Javi Calvo utters his first pun today when he calls Vania Morticia Ortiz Rocasolano. You know who Morticia is, but these surnames come from our current reigning queen (not Sharonne) Letizia Ortiz Rocasolano.
39:20 - Ana says “vaya tela, nena” (what a fabric/web, girl), which is a Spanish expression of surprise.
39:52 - After KELLY’s reveal, Javi Calvo says “le gusta el oro, disfruta” (she loves gold) which is a quote that comes from the introductory video of a Big Brother contestant from 2005. She didn’t know it but Inma was a full Drag Queen. Ugh her mind.
40:06 - As she’s leaving the runway, Javi Calvo calls Kelly “Xena, la princesa bollera” (the dyke princess). It just rhymes with the actual title of this show in spanish “Xena, la princesa guerrera” (the warrior princess).
41:07 - During PINK CHADORA’s runway walk, Javi Calvo says “ella se arrebata-bata-bata-bata”. This is both a reference to this reggaeton song and the fact that “bata” in Spanish means “robe”.
42:09 - THE MACARENA’s look reminds Supremme of Alaska & Mario’s balcony, which is famously decorated with pink flamingos. This couple had a reality TV show about their lives in MTV and that balcony was heavily featured there.
42:37 - When she sees CLOVER’s look, Supremme exclaims “Ruphert, te necesito” (Ruphert, I need you). This was the tagline for an old and very famous TV commercial for a hairdresser, known for working for many celebrities.
42:45 - Javi Calvo says “esto es muy Spejos” (this is so Spejos), which is a chain of hair salons.
43:00 - As Clover is leaving, Javi Ambrossi says “11 8 88” which was a phone help number whose TV ads were protagonized by three hairy puppets called Pelochos (pelo+ocho = hair+eight).
43:55 - When PITITA hits the runway wearing her rhinestoned mask Paco says “eso es tener brillos en la cara” (That’s what I call having a shiny face). He has like one joke in the whole episode so I’ll be damned if I let it be lost in translation.
44:09 - Fun fact: the title of “Death becomes her” in Spanish is “La muerte os sienta tan bien” (Death really suits you).
44:23 - Javi Calvo calls Pitita, Aída Cenizar. “Ceniza” is the Spanish word for “ashes” and Aída Nizar is an ex-Big Brother contestant turned TV personality. She is also fucking insane. Javi Calvo also tells her to pass him a “piti-ta”, because “piti” is an informal word for cigarette.
45:17 - During BESTIAH’s runway Javi Calvo says one of the most filthy Spanish expressions there is: Chupa y mama que se derrama (suck and swallow before it spills). Check Supremme’s face after his comment, he gagged her a bit for sure.
45:30 - PAKITA defines her look as a “mujer florero” (literally, flower vase woman). This refers to women that are just there to be pretty and in the background. Simply put, a trophy wife.
45:49 - Ana says Pakita “no tiene un pelo de tonta” (doesn’t have a single dumb hair), a saying that means not being anyone’s fool.
45:59 - Javi Calvo’s last pun is calling Pakita “Calva Carrillo”. “Calva” means bald, but Alba Carrillo is the name of yet another TV personality. He really keeps up to date with gossip.
EL GUARRANATO
47:38 - Vania is wearing a pig snout because “guarra” in Spanish means slut but also female pig.
48:08 - The game KELLY is playing by knocking 3 times on the wall and turning quickly is called “el escondite inglés” (the English hide-and-seek). Here she’s saying “mariquita inglés” (English f*g).
48:41 - Hornella’s character says that their speciality is helping Andalusian old people find a couple. Juan y Medio has been doing exactly that in his TV show since 2009.
49:27 - It seems that in “el guarranato” somebody killed children by swapping pop-rocks with “jabón de Lagarto” (lizard’s soap). Hornella calls that person a “lagarta” (female lizard), which is an insult similar to calling someone a bitch.
50:13 - Before slapping her face, Hornella calls Kelly a “guarra, cerda y puerca”. All of these are insults but also synonyms for pig.
50:54 - Vania asks his mother if she can do some “puerking”, which is a mix between “puerca” (pig) and twerking.
[REC DRAG]
52:09 - Bestiah tells Pitita that their live will begin right after Matias’ joke, a reference to the dad jokes news anchor Matias Prats usually made on the news.
52:42 - It seems that somewhen between reading the script and shooting this, Pitita decided to change the surname of her character to “mortero” (mortar), hence the hand gesture.
53:37 - Ángela Molina is a renowned spanish actress.
54:10 - When reporters go onto the streets and interview old-ish people, they usually answer all their questions and then ask back “¿y esto cuándo sale?” (when can I see this?). It’s become a standard joke.
55:50 - When Pitita says she can’t die before she presents “las campanadas” (the bell strokes), she means the traditional new-year's celebration held in Madrid’s Plaza del Sol and broadcasted to the whole country. It’s a big deal to get asked to host this.
56:00 - The last shot of [REC DRAG] is a direct visual parallel to the last scene in the original film.
LAS OTRAS
58:20 - The Macarena calls Visa “la pasiva” (bottom).
59:36 - Not this.
1:08:14 - Paco says Pitita’s acting has convinced him to shoot REC 5: “por el culo te la hinco” (up your ass). It’s just a dirty rhyme people use to do a lot some years ago anytime anyone said the number “cinco”. Think of it as the Spanish “that’s what she said”.
1:18:35 - Today’s lipsync song is Ay mama (oh mother, but also “mama” can mean “breast”) by Rigoberta Bandini. This singer became well known only a couple of years ago with their viral female-empowerment anthem Perra (Bitch), which I hope gets featured in the show at some point. “Ay mama” was a hit in Spain last year when Rigoberta entered the song in our national selection for Eurovision. They were among the 3 favorites to win, but in the end Chanel’s SloMo took it completely by surprise. In any case, this song is an ode to women and mothers, and I recommend you check out its lyrics because they are quite powerful.
01:21:37 - In case you were wondering, Clover wrote “X mis hermanas” (for my sisters) below the trans flag on her body.
Next week is Snatch Game so I'll probably DIE doing its recap. Please send your condolesenses. As usual, let me leave my paypal here in case anyone wants/can afford to tip me: paypal.me/afreakingchorizo
¡Que suene la música!
submitted by afreakingchorizo to rupaulsdragrace [link] [comments]

2023.05.05 21:08 w_v A historical reconstruction of pitch tones and accents in Colonial/Central Nahuatl.

The Franciscans

Andrés de Olmos wrote the first Nahuatl grammar (1547) but while he describes many linguistic features, such as the saltillo and the devoicing of consonants at the end of words, he makes a point of avoiding accent and word prosody entirely!
I do not talk about the accent since it is quite varied and does not keep the words as units, but compounded, and because some words seem sometimes to have two accents; therefore I leave it to him whom God might have equipped with more enthusiasm for it.
The next grammar was written by Alonso de Molina, well known for his dictionary Vocabulario en Lengua Castellana y Mexicana. The first edition of his lesser known grammar was published in 1571 and he analyzes náhuatl through the lens of Spanish and Latin. His crucial observation is that:
In their talk and speech they do not raise one syllable more than other.
Already we perceive a contradiction. Olmos says that sometimes it appears that words can have more than one “accent”, while Molina asserts that no syllables in Nahuatl are raised higher than any others.
What does Olmos mean by “accent”? What does Molina mean by “raise”?
Looking at later evidence, it seems Olmos is talking about pitch and length changes while Molina seems to only refer to volume/loudness.
The takeaway from the Franciscans is that they’re searching for someone equal to Spanish stress and returning empty-handed.

The Jesuits

The first Jesuit to write a grammar was the native Nahua Antonio del Rincón who decided to analyze his mother tongue on its own merits rather than through the lens of Spanish or Latin. This doesn’t mean he won’t make comparisons to Latin, but he is adamant that Nahuatl is unique in many regards:
The fifth and final chapter deals with pronunciation and accent. And even though in this we have profited from Latin where Mexicano is similar to it, the established rules for the pronunciation go together with new accents that are characteristic for this language and that are not found in other languages.
It seems that the similarity he hears between Latin and Nahuatl is strictly vowel length. The key insight Rincón provides is that there is a consistent change of pitch tied to vowel length.
The acute accent is the one which, apart from lengthening of the syllable, adds a pitch that raises the pronunciation with an acute sound, e.g.: mi᷇lli, tli᷇lli; the grave accent is the one which, apart from lengthening the syllable, adds a grave sound with which it lowers the pitch, e.g. teo᷆tl, cihua᷆tl.
He also explains that these two pitches are complementary to each other: Wherever you find one you won’t find the other, and vice versa:
Note about the derivatives which also retain the accent of the roots from which they are derived, e.g. te᷇ma᷇qui᷇xtia᷇ni (“savior”), has ‑ma᷇‑ acute, like its root ma᷇qui᷇xtia; an exception are nouns in ‑i᷇lli and ‑o᷇lli that have the acute accent in the penultimate which, when they lose the final syllable because they are joined with the genitives [possessives], that which was previously the penultimate syllable is now the final one and thus the acute accent changes to grave because in the final syllable there can never be an acute accent:
Netlamachti᷇lli > nonetlamachti᷆l; necuilto᷇no᷇lli, nonecuilto᷇no᷆l.
He does give one exception to this pitch rule: The male vocative ends in a high pitched long vowel, e.g., tote᷇ucyo᷇e᷇, “O our lord,” Diose᷇, “O God.” He then adds that there exist two other kinds of vowel: Short and moderate. For short syllables he says:
The predominant, short accent is the one that on its own governs the word, where it is found, with an accelerated and quick pronunciation, e.g. mecatl, çacatl.
By predominant it appears Rincón means that the short syllable is the most common one in the language—the default length. The next vowel, the moderate one, is the least examined one. In Rincón’s list of minimal pairs there are no examples of words whose distinction is the moderate accent. He does give a few examples of words with a moderate accent, such as tlaxcalli. When the same words are written by Horacio Carochi, Carochi simply marks them as short. But Carochi also has this to say:
No se puede negar que hay algunas sílabas que parecen medias entre largas y breves; y tales son de ordinario las que después de su vocal tienen dos consonantes.
As the 20th century linguist, William Bright puts it:
The moderate accent is of doubtful status, especially since it is not exemplified in the list of minimal pairs. Its recognition in the sequence -alli may be due to an auditory confusing between the length of the vowel and the length of the following /lː/, which is the only Nahuatl consonant frequently occurring as a geminate.
One aspect of Olmos’s early remarks that Rincón confirms is the existence of multiple “accents” within a word:
Note that for the placement of the accent one should not see—like in Latin—only one predominant accent in the word because in this language all the accents that the syllables have are pronounced, and thus some times, in accordance with what the word requires, one finds two and three predominant accents alike or different, e.g.: Nicno᷇no᷇tza. The nic- has its short accent as such. The next two first syllables are long with the acute accent, no less no more. Nicno᷇no᷇tzaya, apart from the acute accent in the two first syllables has in the penultimate the moderate accent and they all have to be pronounced.
And it can happen that there are words with five syllables that have all the five differences in accents in each of its syllables, e.g. nictla᷇tlauhtihtiya᷆z. The first ‑tla‑ has the long acute accent. The second ‑tla‑ is short; the first ‑tih‑, which is the fourth syllable, has the saltillo. The second ‑ti‑, which is the penultimate, has the moderate accent. The final which is the ‑ya᷆z, has the grave accent.
For his third rule, Rincón also contrasts Nahuatl with Spanish and Latin word prosody:
Note that in compounded words the composite parts always—or almost always—retain the same accents that they had when they were simple, before the entered the composition, e.g. xo᷇chimecatl has two accents, o᷇ has the acute like its simple form, xo᷇chitl, and the e has the brief accent that mecatl had before.
Carochi, when talking about long final vowels, remarks that:
… there are some—and they are the fewest—which are longer than the final vowels in Castilian words and, in addition to being long, they are pronounced in a low tone like all the other final, long syllables even though they should end in a consonant, e.g. iciuhca᷆ (quickly); pacca᷆ yo᷇coxca᷆ (quietly and calmly) …
In his study of Carochi’s grammar, Lockhart explains the situation further:
In speaking of the pronunciation of long vowels utterance-finally, Carochi perhaps does not make entirely clear, though in his examples throughout the book he amply demonstrates, that a long vowel at the end of any nuclear word, in any part of a sentence, is pronounced short. The examples he gives of final long vowels are representative of the exceptions to this rule: adverbial expressions ending in ‑cā and apparently felt to be associated with a following noun or verb, whether the latter is present or not...
For all other final vowels Carochi explains that:
The other final vowels of nouns and verbs in singular and other parts of speech are ordinarily pronounced so briefly when they finish the utterance, in the sense that no other word is pronounce immediately after them, that they are barely touched when they are left. But if they do not close the utterance, but another word follows it, they are pronounced like the vowels in the Catilian language.
Finally, Carochi notes the following:
When a word is polysyllabic and none of its syllables is long, they all seem to be medium, neither long nor short, like çacamecatl, whose four syllables are all short, and since they are equal amongst themselves, they appear moderate, neither short nor long.
This implies that the pitch and length differences were mainly about being contrastive with neighboring syllables.

Conclusions

What can we thus conclude by analyzing all of these descriptions and observations?
  1. The meaning of a word could change depending on vowel length. Linguists would say that vowel quantity in Nahuatl is phonemically distinctive.
  2. Changes in vowel length are tied to changes in pitch.
  3. The idea that all words have stress on the penultimate syllable is not supported by the evidence. In fact, despite their constant searching for it, none of the grammarians can find it. As Rincón remarks:
Note that it’s not like in Latin where if a word is disyllabic then the first syllable is given an acute accent—even if it is short—like in déus.
A linguist might refer to this system of pronunciation as a “pitch accent,” much like that of Japanese. In pitch accent languages, stress is indicated by contrasting pitch rather than a change in loudness.

Modern Nahuatl Varieties

So why do modern varieties have a strong, single stress on the penultimate syllable? Well, firstly, not all of them do! In this Twitter thread I uploaded audio recordings of a native speaker from the Río Balsas region of Guerrero who has a pronunciation remarkably similar to Classical, or Colonial, Nahuatl.
Secondly, for the variants that do demonstrate a strong penultimate stress accent, Una Canger theorizes that it’s due to influence from Spanish, since Spanish’s default accent is on the penultimate syllable.
In fact, at some point old loanwords were reanalyzed and given a new accent, such as the word for “money,” which in Spanish used to be tomín and then it entered Nahuatl as tomīn (length and “stress” on the final vowel)—and yet today is pronounced in Nahuatl as tómīn (stress shifted to penultimate syllable, but retaining a weirdly “unstressed” long vowel on the final syllable.)
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2023.05.03 09:26 afreakingchorizo [DREs] All References from Drag Race España S3E03

Surprise bitch! I bet you thought you've seen the last of me.
A new season of DRES means a new bunch of Spaniards speaking at light speed and a new bunch of cultural references for me to explain! I have to say, I was not sure I wanted to go through all this work again (even more so after watching the first two episodes this season... vaya cuadro.) but episode 3 won me over! So, without further ado, open google maps and prepare to learn a lot more about Spanish sayings, slayage and shennanigans!
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2:49 - When everyone is congratulating Pink Chadora as the winner of the previous episode, she confesses that some of them think she’s “pesada”. WOW’s subtitles translated this literally as “heavy” but in this context, “pesada” means “annoying”.
03:24 - Hornella compares Vania’s hair to Camarón (arguably the most famous flamenco singer ever) when she was still wearing her wig from the previous episode. She had a point.
04:07 - Pink Chadora tells the girls that Chikilicuatre’s pussy “mola mogollón, lo bailan en la China y también en Alcorcón” (it’s so cool, they dance to it in China and also in Alcorcón). These are lyrics for Rodolfo Chikilicuatre’s song for Eurovision 2008 (well, minus the pussy part).
05:02 - In their little entrance skit (derogatory) Vania pronounces “(lip sync) Assassin” in a way that’s closer to the very ungrammatical Spanish “hase asín” (does it like this).
05:27 - Chanel really wanted to say “una menos en Canarias” (one less in the Canary Islands) after Drag Chuchi’s elimination. The Canary Islands are in a different timezone than the rest of Spain, one hour behind to be exact. So, when you watch any TV news they used to start their broadcast saying something like “It’s 9pm, one (hour) less in the Canary Islands”.
07:00 - Pink Chadora doesn’t want any more dance challenges. She compares her experience in Drag Race so far with the 2000s teen show “UPA dance” (actually called “Un paso adelante”) and the dance TV competition “Fama ¡A bailar!” (Fame, let’s dance!)
07:23 - This is the tongue twister Supremme says in her video message: Tres tristes tigres tragaban trigo en un trigal y en tres tristes trastos tragaban trigo los tres tristes tigres. It was hard even to write it down.
07:48 - When Supremme enters the werkroom, The Macarena asks her about a “fiesta ibicenca” (Ibiza-style party). In this kind of party, everyone is supposed to wear white clothes.
08:45 - The sentence that Supremme uses to define Drag Race as a place where “se dan más puntadas sin hilo que con hilo” (they sew more without than with thread) is the opposite of the actual popular saying “no dar puntada sin hilo” (to never sew without thread), which means to only act when a benefit is to be received. Supremme is shitting on the show a bit right now, ngl.
11:44 - When Pink Chadora gets to the Asturias traditional costume, she calls that place “patria querida” (beloved homeland). She’s only saying that because the anthem from that region has that as lyrics and everyone in Spain knows that.
13:23 - So, you might be asking yourselves, who the hell is Palomo Spain? In short, he’s a fashion designer whose style mixes traditional southern spanish influences with a genderless approach to fashion. He has dressed Beyonce, Miley Cyrus and Harry Styles among others. He’s also one of the main judges of the TV sewing competition “Maestros de la Costura” (Sewing masters), so he’s used to judge contestant’s garments and that might be why he’s kind of hard with his critiques this episode. Palomo means “male pigeon” (it’s his actual surname…), that’s why he says something about pigeons in his intro video.
13:31 - When she talks with that raspy voice, Hornella is impersonating Lorenzo Caprile, another designer who worked with Palomo as a judge in that sewing competition I just mentioned. She’ll do it again a couple of times later in the episode!
14:09 - Pink Chadora doesn’t think she could design anything charro-like (rememeber, charro = people from Salamanca) with the materials she got and Kelly says they remind her of “Charro” Mohedano. Chayo Mohedano is a singer and TV personality, who’s related to the late great Rocío Jurado.
16:56 - Her dubious sentences make Pink Chadora get reminded of our ex-president Mariano Rajoy who, let’s say it gently, wasn’t blessed with an ease for public speaking.
17:31 - The gorgeous suit Ana is wearing when she enters the werkroom with Supremme was designed with the (not Arantxa) Castilla-La Mancha traditional costume in mind, specifically the Pisto handkerchief.
20:44 - “Pakita Putita” should be on her merch right now.
23:44 - Pink Chadora compares Vania’s sultry, sensual, a bit creepy, voice with that of Samantha Hudson who was one of the two guest contestants of DRES S1 Snatch Game.
23:55 - Starting now the count of how many times someone is going to make a joke with the similarity of the words “pubilla” and “putilla” (lil’ slut).
33:18 - When Supremme asks Ana if she prefers wine or beer, Ana says she prefers beer because she likes “tirar la caña”. While this expression means “to flirt”, the word “caña” could also be used as a synonym for a cup of beer.
33:31 - I’m not sure any other country has “gildas”, so for those who were utterly confused by WOW’s subtitles, these are sort of an aperitif or snack to be eaten while drinking. It’s usually olives, anchovies and other pickled stuff pierced through with a toothpick. Oh, and a “piparra” is a sort of pickled pepper.
33:50 - When Javi Ambrossi tells Calvo that he likes a good “matrimonio” (literally, marriage) he’s referring to the name given to the combination of two types of anchovies.
RUNWAY: COLORS (AKA. Why it gotta be so white?)
34:53 - PAKITA is dressed like a devotee on her way to El Rocío, a small town in Andalucia that holds a 13-century statue of the Virgin of El Rocío. This is a huge event every year where people from different places go on a pilgrimage (by foot, horse, carriage, etc).
35:05 - Supreme says “Yo iba de peregrina…” (I was on a pilgrimage) which are the starting lyrics of this song by María del Monte.
35:08 - Pakita washes the dirt off her feet using a bottle of beer, paying homage to this famous photo of Carmina Ordoñez in the 90s. She was a socialite and TV personality that came from a family of renowned bullfighters.
35:10 - When Javi Calvo says “Carmina o revienta” (Carmina or burst!) he’s mixing the name of this woman with the title of this movie, directed by episode 1 special guest judge Paco León (starring his own mother).
35:25 - Palomo and Ana wish that Carmina was still with us. She passed away in 2004, part of her ashes were scattered in El Rocío.
35:27 - Javi Calvo tells Pakita “nos alegramos de verde” (we’re green with happiness), a wordplay in which he exchanged the word “verte” (see you) with “verde” (green).
35:40 - HORNELLA is representing this boulevard in Alicante. She also says she’s waving like a “Bellea del foc” (beauty of the fire), which is the name given to the young women chosen as queen of the bonfires of Saint John, a popular festivity in Alicante.
36:03 - When Javier Calvo says “One Pamela…”, Supremme is very fast to respond “Two Pamela” and then everybody laughs. This is not only in reference to the spanish name of the kind of hat Hornella is wearing, but it’s also a well-known bantery joke that’s funny because “two pamela” sounds like “chúpamela” (suck me).
36:16 - PINK CHADORA stomps the runway representing Málaga’s flower, the biznaga.
36:24 - Ana makes a joke mixing the word drag with “jazmín” (jasmine), which makes sense here because bizganas are not natural flowers, but compositions made with jasmine stems made by artisans.
36:44 - Supremme says that Hornella has his head “llena de capullos” (filled with buds), and “capullo” in slang for (surprise!) dick.
37:00 - VANIA VAINILLA is representing Zaragoza today. Her skirt is a deconstructed “cachirulo”, the traditional Aragonese headscarf which is typically black and red.
37:03 - Ana couldn’t control herself and makes a put mixing “zorra” (slut) and “Zaragoza”. Hence, “zorragoza”.
37:11 - The flowers in Vania’s dress are representing the flower offering to Our Lady of the Pillar, Zaragoza’s patron, that takes place every 12th October in the city. Her headpiece is also similar to the halo that particular symbol wears.
37:17 - Ana calls Vania “mañosa” (crafty) but only because the demonym for Zaragoza is “maños/mañas”.
37:27 - As CHANEL ANOREX goes out the door, Javi Calvo calls her “Quinqué San Francisco”. “Quinqué” is an old-fashioned way of calling the type of lantern Chanel is holding in this look, and it also sounds similar to the name Quique, as in the spanish actor’s name Quique San Francisco.
37:36 - Chanel is representing Salamanca and the golden Villamayor stone, used in many of the numerous monuments that city holds.
37:43 - Supremme says this looks “le encandila” (dazzles her), also making a joke with a different name for that lantern: “Candil”.
37:55 - And third time is the charm: When Chanel is leaving the runway Supremme says “ella va de farol” (she’s faking it), which is a common Spanish expression that contains the word “farol” which is, you guessed it, yet another word for lantern.
38:06 - THE MACARENA is wearing Cádiz today. She’s representing the white towns filled with flower pots very characteristic of that region. Cádiz city is also known as “la tacita de plata” (the little silver cup). She could’ve found a nicer cup to bring to the runway but ok.
38:22 - After Palomo comments on the bridal air of the runway so far, the Javis say “¿Dónde está el gramo?” (where is the gram?). This must be a reference to something else, but at the very least they are talking about drugs making a pun with the word “gramo” (gram) and “ramo” (bouquet).
38:52 - During CLOVER BISH’s runway, Javi Ambrossi says “que vivan los cubatas” (long live the cuban drinks, as the WOW subtitles put it), in which “cubata” is an informal way of calling any mixed alcoholic drink. The term comes from the particular cocktail known as “Cuba Libre” (rum and coke).
38:53 - Supremme adds “(que viva) el malecón” (long live the esplanade), referring to a sea-side street in Havana, Cuba. It also rhymes with “maricón” (f*g).
39:21 - PITITA explains it all very well. El Molino (the windmill) is a cabaret venue in Barcelona which opened in the early XX century and it’s still going! It used to be known as the little Moulin Rouge.
39:29 - Pitita refers to the queer world as “este mundo del plumerío” (this feathery world). I know this has been a topic of discussion in the subreddit for a couple of weeks but in a nutshell: In Spanish, when a guy is effeminate or flamboyant, we say that they have “pluma” (feathers). Fun fact: guys with the infamous “no fems” in their hooking-up apps profiles would be labeled “plumófobos” (feather-phobic).
39:45 - When Pitita is leaving the runway Javi Calvo makes up a dialogue in which someone asks him if he’s going out tonight and he replies “no, estoy molino” (no, I’m windmill). This doesn’t make any sense if you don’t know the expression “estar molido” (to be ground down), which means to be exhausted. Note the similarity between the words “molino” and “molido” here.
40:03 - When KELLY ROLLER flips her jacket from Partido Popular’s blue (right wing) to PSOE’s red (socialists), the judges call her “chaquetera” which simply means “turncoat”.
40:05 - Javi Calvo calls her Rosa Diez, a politician that started her career as a socialist and then founded her own right-wing party.
40:19 - Spanish politics used to be very bi-partidist until quite recently. The back of Kelly’s runway represents the purple of the left wing Podemos. The words on her back read “Elle no es una errata” (Elle is not a typo). “Elle” is a word in inclusive language (think your they/them in English), something that this party has been trying to push forward officially.
40:40 - Ana is one of us!
40:54 - Ana remarks that you can see VISA’s “panocha” (pussy), which is also a word for corncob.
As Visa is leaving, Javi Calvo says “Nunca Maíz”, a play on words between the anti-pollution slogan “Nunca máis” (never again) popularized after one of the worst environmental catastrophes in Spanish history, and the spanish word for corn, “maíz”.
41:10 - I think this might be fairly common in other countries, but it’s pretty common here to get a bumper car thingy installed in your city/town when there’s any kind of special occasion.
41:17 - When BESTIAH reveals her light-up bra, Supremme says “sube que te llevo” (hop on, I’ll take you), probably a reference to this 1993 trance song of the same name. This is something that definitely Supremme heard while riding some bumper cars 30 years ago.
41:22 - Bestiah calls his breast “las intermitetas”, a portmanteau of “intermitentes” (blinkers) and “tetas” (boobs).
41:28 - Javi Calvo calls Bestiah the real Motomami, in reference to Rosalia’s last album. To that, Supremme replies “a comprar ficha” (go buy some tokens), presumably to ride her.
42:33 - Javi Calvo recites the starting lyrics of this song which goes like: It was a sunday afternoon, we were at the bumper cars.
RUNWAY: FLAVORS
42:03 - During PAKITA’s eggy runway, Ana says that her egg is “muy bien cosido” (very well sewn). The joke is that “cosido” sounds like “cocido” (boiled).
42:05 - Palomo comments that her egg comes with “puntilla”, which can mean both “lace” and also the brown, crispy part in a fried egg outside.
42:12 - As she’s leaving, Javi Calvo tells Pakita “a ver si te aclaras” (try to figure it out). The verb “aclarar” (clear things up) sounds related to “clara” (egg white).
42:28 - HORNELLA’s outfit is an homage to Fideuá, a seafood dish quite similar to paella but with noodles instead of rice (I know this is an oversimplification, please don’t kill me paella warriors).
43:04 - During PINK CHADORA’s wine-inspired runway, Javi Ambrossi makes one of the oldest jokes I could think of, but it’s still quite funny. I think we already covered this last year, but our kind of “knock knock” jokes start by explaining a situation and then saying “the curtain closes, what’s the name of the movie?”. In this case, the answer is “Es-tinto básico” (it’s basic red wine), a play on “Instinto básico” (Basic Instinct, 1992).
43:19 - The whole judging panel demands Pink Chadora to “drop the glass” in reference to this iconic TV moment where Manuela Trasobares, a trans opera singer, makes a whole speech about the unfortunate situation of her peers in the Spanish society of the early 2000. Then she starts smashing glasses and asks the other panelists to do the same saying “¡tira la copa!”.
43:32 - As VANIA VAINILLA comes onto the runway, Javi Ambrossi calls her “Susi Caramelo”, a comedienne that was one of the guest judges on DRES season 2 and whose surname means “candy”.
43:48 - As Vania explains, she’s dressed as an “adoquín” (literally, cobblestone), a huge piece of candy from Zaragoza.
44:16 - CHANEL is repping strawberries from Huelva, Andalucia, are quite famous for their quality and size.
44:35 - Javi Calvo continues with his puns. He quotes “yo no soy fresa que tu te imaginas” (I’m not that strawberry you think I am), a play on the lyrics of this song that actually go “yo no soy esa que tu te imaginas” (I’m not that girl you think I am). IMHO, we’re overdue for a Mari Trini lip sync.
44:44 - When THE MACARENA is announced, Javi Calvo asks “¿quién pincha hoy?” (who’s DJ-ing today?). The verb “pinchar” means “to puncture/poke” but it’s also the act of playing records as the word for DJ in spanish is “pinchadiscos” (disk-poker).
44:56 - The Cádiz Carnival is one of the most famous in Spain.
45:00 - When Ana says she gets goosebumps just looking at her outfit, she’s making a pun with the expression “se me eriza la piel” (literally, my skin turns into prickles) and the Spanish word for sea urchin, “erizo”.
45:12 - Supremme calls The Macarena, “Espinete de luto” (Espinete in mourning). Espinete was the name of a huge pink hedgehog that was one of the main characters in our version of Sesame Street in the 90s. The name comes from the Spanish word for spines, “espina”.
45:25 - CLOVER BISH is wearing a look inspired by the catalan dessert “Mel i mató” which consists of a kind of cottage cheese mixed with honey and walnuts.
45:27 - The name of this dish is in catalan, meaning honey and cottage cheese, but to a Spanish speaker the “mató” part could be understood as the past tense of the verb “to kill”. Also, “Meli” could be the shortened name of a woman. This is where Palomo’s comment is based on.
45:29 - Javi Calvo does a similar comment when he says “¿Qué hago, me-li-mato?” (What should I do, kill myself?).
45:45 - Javi cannot contain himself and does yet another pun with the Spanish word for honey, “miel”, when he says “a mi-el me da igual” (I don’t care about him).
46:06 - When PITITA reveals from a croquette into a squid, Supremme calls her “Calamar Flores”. The Spanish word for squid is “calamar” and Mar Flores is a model, actres and TV presenter.
46:13 - Javi Calvo praises Pitita’s ass saying she’s got a great “Tenta-culo”. This time he didn’t even need to mix any words as the spanish word for tentacle is “tentáculo” and it already contains “culo” (ass).
46:18 - In case you’re curious, this is Pitita’s favorite croquette. I personally hate them but this look was amazing.
46:37 - During KELLY ROLLER’s runway, Javi Calvo asks her “a ver si vienes a Vermeer” (why don’t you come to Vermeer?), in which he exchanged the word “ver me” (to see me) with the name of the dutch painter.
46:41 - Javi Ambrossi says that Kelly is not “cortada”, which in relation to milk means “curdled” but when you say this about a person it means that they are shameless.
47:01 - After Kelly splashes milk all over her bosom, Javi Calvo calls her “la marrana de la Campurriana” (the Campurriana’s whore). This is a line taken directly from The Javi’s Netflix show Paquita Salas. There is a scene in which Paquita, an agent, is trying to get more gigs for one of their clients, an actress. She’s trying to convince her to make a viral video in which she shows different branded products so these brands call her to make their commercials, but their attempts take a turn to the filthy.
47:05 - Right before leaving, Javi Ambrossi asks Kelly if she’s “lechera” (literally, milkmaid). Informally, asking a guy if he’s “lechero” would be asking him if he cums a lot.
47:27 - As VISA is walking the runway, Palomo comments “le importa un pimiento”. This is an expression similar to your English “I don’t give a damn”, but in Spain we don’t give a pepper.
47:30 - Javi Calvo continues making my life impossible when he says “no le, no le, no le, chi le”. When I was a little kid, kids my age used to collect stickers with the goal of completing an album of them. These stickers came in randomized packs so you ended up with a lot of repeated ones to exchange with other kids. When you were going through another kid’s stack you would say “si le” (I do) if you already had that sticker and “no le” (I don’t) if you didn’t have that one. In this case, the joke is that Javi says “chile” (chili) instead of “si le”.
47:39 - There is a quite famous brand of intimate feminine hygiene in Spain called Chilly whose motto goes “en lo más íntimo, quiero Chilly” (I want Chilly in my privates). The thing is, we call “chili” this kind of spicy peppers so… let’s say everybody knows this motto.
48:17 - As BESTIAH leaves the runway, Javi Calvo calls her “Rega-liz Taylor”, as “regaliz” means licorice. Ana asks where her “puta zeta” is, mixing the name of the pop-rock candy “peta zetas” and “puta” (slut).
RUNWAY: REGIONS
As a little bit of background, Spain is divided in 17 autonomous communities (and further split up into 50 provinces). Each of these regions have their own traditional garments, and these are the looks they queens are asked to reinterpret today on the runway.
48:41 - For those of you that have been following DRES from S1, you might remember Hugáceo’s Fallas look. PAKITA has been tasked with reinterpreting the garment worn for that festivity. Las Fallas of Valencia have everything to do with fire, hence her soot stained legs.
48:49 - When Javi Calvo says that he’s feeling that “caloret faller” (the heat from las fallas) he’s making a reference to Valencia’s mayor Rita Barberá’s botched attempt to give the 2015 Fallas opening speech in Valencian. A right-wing politician trying to appeal to regular people in such a sloppy way obviously became viral.
49:01 - Javi Ambrossi was right: TV presenter Núria Roca is from Valencia.
49:20 - During HORNELLA’s runway, Javi Calvo says “se llama Sara, y goza” (her name is Sara, and she enjoys herself). Sara+goza sounds like Zaragoza.
49:30 - Hornella is repping Aragón’s traditional garment, and that’s why Supremme calls her Hornella “Aragón-gora”.
49:46 - PINK CHADORA defines herself as a “charra”, another name for the people from Salamanca. Supremme even calls her “Charra Carbonero”, a pun on Sara Carbonero who is a TV presenter.
50:05 - Pink Chadora says that her look is a mix between Dolly Parton and gossip journalist and TV personality Lydia Lozano[email protected]) (probably because of that wig).
50:08 - Just as the queen is leaving, Javi Calvo makes a joke saying “mira a esa, la manca” (look at that one, the one missing an arm) just because it sounds exactly as Salamanca (esa-la-manca).
50:21 - More jokes about how “pubilla”, which is the name of this traditional garment from Catalonia, sounds almost like “putilla” (lil’ slut) during VANIA’s runway.
50:37 - Javi Calvo name drops Judge Mercedes Ayala, not sure why.
50:52 - The first thing anyone says when CHANEL turns the corner comes from Palomo. He says “ahí va la hostia”, which is an expression of surprise very identifiable from the Basque Country.
51:11 - At this point, I’m convinced Javi Calvo just says whatever comes to mind. In this case, he says “Eskerrik asko-nverters”, which is the mix between the Basque words “eskerrik asko” (thank you) and the name of the chain of second-hand products, Cash Converters.
51:19 - The most well-known and important museum in the Basque Country is The Guggenheim, in Bilbao.
51:20 - Javi Calvo continues his stream of consciousness style of commenting by saying “Gabon” (good night in Basque) as Chanel leaves.
51:52 - Javi Ambrossi changes MACARENA’s name to Tena Lady, a brand of undergarments for people with incontinence. Lovely.
51:55 - Right after her reveal, Javi Calvo comments that Macarena has “a coño de aquí a Logroño” (a pussy from here to Logroño), a popular expression that means someone is quite bold or brave. Logroño is the capital of La Rioja, so it fits even better.
52:03 - Supremme compares Macarena in her old-lady make-up to Carmen Gahona, a lady who is the ex-wife of a famous singer and was relevant while she was fighting for her widowhood pension after his death. She’s now a Youtuber?
52:12 - As soon as CLOVER BISH comes out, Supremme exclaims “¡Arsa!”, an Andalusian expression that used to cheer someone.
52:23 - Palomo starts singing something about a frog jumping but he’s not having a stroke, he’s singing this classic tune by María del Monte (again!). The singer compares the jumps of a frog with her heartbeat when her lover calls her name.
52:52 - I’m not sure about this one, but during PITITA’s runway Javi Calvo says “tetas tiene dos, Cáceres y Badajoz” (she has two tits, Cáceres and Badajoz). These are the two provinces in which Extremadura is divided.
53:07 - I expected someone to make this comment because it’s the oldest in the book. Extremadura can be divided into two words: “extrema” (extreme) and “dura” (hard).
53:32 - Ok, listen, I’m from Asturias and was personally offended by KELLY’s look.
53:38 - Supremme makes a joke based on the Spanish Netflix show “La casa de papel” (Money Heist): Úrsula Corberó plays Tokyo, Kelly plays Asturias and Supremme plays… Fuenlabrada, which is a town in Madrid.
53:49 - Asturias is probably the main producer of milk in the country and one of the biggest dairy companies in Spain is called Central Lechera Asturiana (Asturian Dairy Company).
54:16 - During VISA’s runway, Supremme starts singing this song by Paco Clavel while the Javis remind us that bananas should have specks using the phrase “y si tiene motitas, mejor que mejor” (and if it has specks, much better) that comes from a 2010s TV campaign about Canarian bananas. I couldn’t find a video of this but that slogan is ingrained in my brain for forever at this point.
54:23 - When they say that Visa just came from the dunes, they are talking about Maspalomas in Gran Canaria, which is both a nature reserve and a well-known gay cruising spot.
54:26 - The only thing I could find about a “Yumbo” in the Canary Islands was a gay shopping center that includes at least one cruising bar, so maybe they are sending their regards there.
54:36 - BESTIAH’s is not the first chulapa representation in DRES as Killer Queen, Pupi Poisson and Juriji did their own versions of Madrid’s regional garment.
54:46 - Javi Calvo makes a reference to this song changing the lyrics from “¿dónde se mete la chica del 17?” (How does the girl from apartment 17 do it?) to “lo que se mete la chica del 17” (what the girl from apartment 17 puts inside of her).
54:58 - As she leaves the stage Bestiah sings a little bit of this chotis, which is the traditional music and dance of Madrid.
55:04 - When Palomo decides he wants Bestiah as the next mayor of Madrid, Javi Ambrossi says “Más Madrid y menos ropa” (More Madrid and less clothes). “Más Madrid” is the name of a new political party that wants to get rid of the current president of Madrid, Isabel Ayuso.
01:00:46 - People that vote for Partido Popular are informally called “peperos/peperas” because the acronym of this political party is PP (“pepe” in Spanish).
01:02_29 - When Hornella says Our Lady of the Pillar didn’t tell her anything, not even whether she wants to be french or not, she's making a reference to the lyrics of a very famous “Jota” (the traditional music of Aragón) in which the Virgin says she doesn’t want to be French, but the captain of the Aragón troops against France.
And that's all! Chanel is sent home (or is she?) and the rest of the queens are free to slay another day. What did you think about the episode? Did I miss any references you want explained? The part I enjoy the most about making this posts is the comment section so let's get this roast a cookin'. Also, as usual, let me leave my paypal here in case anyone wants/can afford to tip me: paypal.me/afreakingchorizo
¡Que suene la música!
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2023.05.02 02:49 InfernoAA ALL IN 2 x Part Two

ALL IN 2 x Part Two
AAA Mega Championship: El Hijo del Vikingo (c) vs Rey Fenix vs Bandido vs Pentagon Jr. [Escalera de la Muerte]
The Build:
2023’s been a transformative year for El Hijo del Vikingo’s career as he’s broken into the American market through appearances in AEW, PWG, GCW, and more. Continuing to grow his name as AAA Mega Champion with defences in every promotion he touches, he quickly gains recognition as the best broken secret of Lucha Libre, even being touted by some as the best Luchador alive, his rematch against Kenny Omega for the title at TripleMania XXXI certainly silencing any remaining doubters as he gets his win back over the Best Bout Machine in another barnstormer. But all that attention appears to draw the ire of his fellow luchadores who feel they’ve been forgotten after having had the very same effect on the world when they came to the States. Above all, three names stand out from that crowd, those being The Lucha Brothers and Bandido, all refusing to let Vikingo take their mantle. Each having personal history with the Son of the Viking, Bandido and Vikingo trading wins in 2022 before the Bandit eliminated Vikingo from PWG’s Battle of Los Angeles, Rey Fenix consistently having had Vikingo’s number for the past 4 years until finally losing to him at TripleMania last year, and Pentagon Jr. the only one of the lot that’s undefeated against Vikingo, El Hijo certainly has his work cut out for him.
Agreeing to face each of them in non-title matches, Vikingo runs the gauntlet, catching Bandido by surprise with a Bandito flash pin, before a Dragonrana does the same to Rey, only to succumb at the hands of Penta again, who doesn’t fall for his tricks, a Pentagon Driver brutally massacring him! Whilst is guarantees Penta the breakout opportunity he desires, having been comparatively overlooked in favour of the two in the past years, Bandido and Rey refuse to accept Vikingo as their superior, pointing to him not being able to decisively put them away. Peeved, Vikingo meets them again in a very Lucha Libre style Trios tag as he calls on his Los Jinetes del Aire partners AEW alumnus Laredo Kid and Myzteziz Jr. to take on Bandido & The Lucha Brothers, though finally loses out to Bandido and Rey, who each pin one of Vikingo’s partners whilst staring him down. The fighting champion that he is, Vikingo agrees to give them all a shot as a result, though it’ll be on his terms – he wants all 3 at once in Escalera de la Muerte! The stipulation that’s become synonymous with The Lucha Bros, Vikingo wants to beat them at their own game to prove himself the best around!
The Match:
Once all 4 Luchadores make their entrances, Chris Jericho and co. (the hosts) interrupt the proceedings to reveal a special fifth member has been added to the match last-minute! Initially teasing it to be Jericho himself, instead plays the music of REY MYSTERIO!!! Having lost to Dominik Mysterio in a Loser Leaves WWE match at SummerSlam (Rey’s contract expiring in August), one of the original ALL IN main eventers is back for the second edition of the show, engaging in the race to crown the best Luchador. And after a frenzied Ladder match, it’s Penta who receives his flowers, unhooking the title to win!
Pentagon Jr. def. El Hijo del Vikingo (c), Rey Fenix, Bandido, Rey Mysterio to win the AAA Mega Championship
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IWGP/ROH World/NJPW STRONG Openweight Tag Team Champions Aussie Open (Kyle Fletcher & Mark Davis) vs GHC/AJPW World Tag Team Champions KONGOH (Open the Twin Gate Champion KENOH & Manabu Soya)
The Build:
Whilst 2022 was the Year of FTR in Tag Team wrestling, Aussie Open have quickly taken over that position in 2023, picking up titles left and right. Dethroning Bishamon at Sakura Genesis for the IWGP Tag Team Championship and The Motor City Machine Guns at Capital Collision for the NJPW STRONG Openweight Tag Team Championship already puts them in the upper echelon heading into Forbidden Door as they feud with The Lucha Brothers over their ROH World Tag Team Championship that they snubbed the Aussies of back at Supercard of Honor, but that doesn’t sit right with the hot-headed KONGOH Leader KENOH. On a belt collector run of his own, he challenges for NOAH, AJPW, and Dragon Gate’s Tag Team Championships in rapid succession, failing the first challenge with partner Manabu Soya, though winning the next two, Soya earning AJPW gold with him, whilst Shuji Kondo supports his latter challenge.
Though booked in separate matches on the NJPWxNOAHxAJPW All Together Again show heading into Forbidden Door, KENOH & Soya make sure to send Kyle Fletcher and Mark Davis their regards, brutally attacking them after Aussie Open lay claims to being the best tag team in the world! KENOH warns them to back down from this fight before he commits even more unspeakable actions against them, but Aussie Open are only fired up by the competition, telling KONGOH to find them when they have titles across three companies, which Kyle & Mark soon do after finally having their dream match against Lucha Bros at Forbidden Door in Winner Takes All action as part of the ongoing United Empire/Death Triangle feud instigated by a bitter PAC. Accepting the challenge, KENOH guns after the GHC gold again with Soya, this time successfully dethroning Takashi Sugiura and Shuhei Taniguchi at Destination, completing KENOH’s Tag Title Triple Crown!
And as asked, KENOH leads another invasion into New Japan like the one earlier in the year, KONGOH proceeding to feud with United Empire across the G1 Climax tour, trading wins in multi-man tags whilst supporting Katsuhiko Nakajima who enters his second G1, Nakajima beating Tetsuya Naito as vengeance for his loss to Shingo Takagi at Wrestle Kingdom, though succumbing to Will Ospreay. To KENOH though, these tags are more than throwaway undercard matches, trying to murder Aussie Open at any given opportunity, even busting Kyle open in one match by slamming him repeatedly off any steel in his vicinity! Quickly developing a blood rivalry between the sides, once the tour wraps up and Aussie Open retain their ROH World Tag Team Championship against Best Friends on ROH TV, they call out KONGOH post-match, welcoming them to Aussie Open’s adopted backyard of England for ALL IN! Both duos each holding three sets of Tag Titles, the best world-travelled team and the best Japanese duo get to determine which of them truly is superior!
The Match:
A fight for tag team supremacy breaking out between New Japan’s Aussie Open and NOAH’s KONGOH, the three-belt clad duos are set to put an end to their debate. KENOH and Manabu Soya enter first, looking all glamourous with their titles shimmering from each of their shoulders and waists, making a grand entrance like only KENOH knows how, flames spurting out from either end of the entranceway! Steely look on their faces, they march to the ring with purpose. Kyle Fletcher and Mark Davis are next, more levity to their expressions as they’re welcomed by the England crowd that’ve adopted the Aussie lads as their own in recent years, Aussie Open too showing off their belt collections. But as Kyle and Mark near the ring, KENOH gets livid at the thought of waiting, the short-tempered KONGOH leader racing out the ring with his hoss, BOWLING OVER THE AUSSIES TO START THE MATCH EARLY! Soya brawls with Davis in a battle of the big men, walloping his chest with splintering chops that leave the Dunkzilla turning beet red in no time! On the other side of the ring, it’s KENOH murdering Kyle with ugly kicks to ground the aerialist, all fired up!
Recooping with Soya, they throw their chosen Aussie at the other, only for Fletcher and Davis to put on the brakes, fighting back now. Mark fires a shotgun of a chop off KENOH’s chest, before hoisting him up over his shoulder, whilst Fletcher manages to get the better of Soya with a Roundhouse Kick to knock him to his knees, before hauling him up on his shoulder too! Launching Soya at Mark with an Aussie Arrow, he lands on Davis’ other shoulder, before Kyle heads up to the apron, delivering a DIVING CUTTER TO TAKE OUT BOTH MEN! Tossing KENOH into the ring, the action finally finds some stability as Fletcher joins him in there, bullying him with stiff kicks of his own to the chest, before whipping him into the turnbuckle at extreme velocity, a Yakuza Kick finding its mark! Keeping his leg held in place, Davis makes the tag, before Kyle whips him into Mark, who launches him skyward, KENOH coming crashing down face first! A Penalty Kick from Kyle follows, with Davis rounding out with the Senton for 2!
Now it’s Mark’s turn to go ham on KENOH, who rather than be hurt by the abuse, is starting to look even more red in the face! Davis lines up a Spear, only to run right into a KEBOU! KENOH now absolutely victimises Aussie Open’s big man, treating him like dirt with a sick Running Knee Strike to the skull, before burying repeated Shoot Kicks into his torso, kicking the soul out of him! KENOH gets too invested though, forgetting there’s a stark size difference between the two as he SLAPS Davis and spits in his face, CAUSING MARK TO POUNCE HIM INTO NEXT WEEK! SITOUT POWERBOMB FOLLOWS! ONE! TWO! THR-KICK OUT! A tag to Fletcher sees Davis call for their patented finisher, the Coriolis, but KENOH once again starts committing mass murder with his legs, knocking both men dead with his educated feet, a MUSHROOM STOMP to Kyle following suit! Tagging in Soya, Manabu bursts in like a house on fire, ragdolling Kyle with a Belly-to-Back Suplex, before mauling Fletcher with vicious chops to the chest, a LARIAT FROM HELL taking his head off and a SPIN-OUT POWERBOMB driving the air out his lungs! ONE! TWO! THR-NOOOOOOO!
Kyle dead, Soya measures his next move, only to sense the atmosphere shift, turning around to find Davis in the ring! Kicking Fletcher to the side, he welcomes the hoss, the two big meaty men proceeding to slap meat! Soya throws a Lariat, but Davis catches it, slapping the taste out of his mouth to drop him to his knees, BUT IN FLIES KENOH WITH AN ENRIN, CRUSHING MARK INTO THE MAT!!! AND A BALLISTIC FROM SOYA! Davis rolls out the ring, leaving Soya to deal with Kyle, punishing the Aussie Arrow with a Scoop Powerslam, before setting up the PERFECT DEATH VALLEY BOMB as KENOH heads to the top rope, but Kyle fights free, cracking Soya with a ROBINSON SPECIAL, before bringing KENOH down with an AVALANCHE FRANKENSTEINER!!! Hauling Manabu up, he drills him with a REVERSE-SPIN MICHINOKU DRIVER! BUT NOW KENOH WITH THE PROFESSIONAL FOOT STOMP OUT OF NOWHERE!!! AND MARK WITH A DIVING SPLASH TO TAKE OUT EVERYONE!!! Breaking out into an exchange of kicks, Kyle and KENOH knock each other down, before Mark takes his place to tee off with Soya. Hauling him up for the ALPHAMARE WATERSLIDE, he eats a DDT instead, Soya following seamlessly with a Power Booster attempt… AND HE GETS IT!!! BUT FLETCHER NAILS A HIDDEN BLADE FROM BEHIND!!! AND KENOH WITH A FALCON ARROW TO KYLE!!! ALL FOUR MEN ARE DOWN!!!
The crowd on their feet, the two teams sluggishly power themselves back up to go blow for blow in the centre of the ring, Davis coming alive with brutal chops to both KONGOH members, even going it solo as Kyle watches in amazement, Mark catching his second wind, though it’s only momentary, a High-Speed Roundhouse from KENOH staggering him and a CACTUS CLOTHESLINE from Soya knocking them both to the floor! KENOH invites Kyle to trade strikes with him again, but of course, KENOH outclasses him, getting Fletcher on his knees. Pulling out a bottle of lighter fluid and a lighter from his tights, he teases lighting his boot on fire, but a ROUNDHOUSE knocks the lighter out his hands once he’s doused his boot, Fletcher following with a GRIMSTONE!!!Exhausted, he collapses into cover, but to his surprise, the referee isn’t counting the pin. And as Soya reappears on the apron, he soon realises he’d been fighting the wrong man all along! Legal man Manabu stepping into the ring, he Lariats the soul out of Kyle, before lifting him back up in Perfect Death Valley Bomb position as KENOH now tags himself in, scaling back up top… PFS/DVB COMBO!!! ONE! TWO! THREE!!! KONGOH prove their supremacy over Aussie Open!
KONGOH (KENOH & Manabu Soya) def. Aussie Open (Kyle Fletcher & Mark Davis)
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ROH World Championship: “Hangman” Adam Page (c) vs Hiroshi Tanahashi
The Build:
Though “Hangman” Adam Page rejects The Elite’s pleas to have their backs inside Blood & Guts against Blackpool Combat Club, it’s for good reasons, having other means of dismantling the group. Resurfacing in his former home of ROH following the screwdriver assault at the hands of Bryan Danielson, Page quietly rebuilds his momentum with wins over the likes of Lance Archer, Colt Cabana, and Brian Cage whilst stalking ROH World Champion Claudio Castagnoli in the shadows as he steadies a stream of impressive defences, the Cowboy waiting for the right time to strike. So, when Claudio returns to ROH on high horse, fresh off winning inside Blood & Guts, he’s confronted right away by… Eddie Kingston? The Mad King’s adamant to receive a rematch for Supercard of Honor, but as it seems, he’s not the only one that wants Claudio. NOOSE AROUND THE WORLD CHAMPION’S NECK! HANGMAN’S CHOKING HIM OUT! Like Mox at Revolution, Claudio taps out right away, slumping to his knees as a stunned Eddie watches his own rival be victimised in front of him, though as Page goes to the ropes for the Buckshot Lariat, Castagnoli ducks out the way, Hangman catching Eddie in the crossfire! But Page doesn’t react, keeping his eyes on the retreating Claudio, gesturing to his championship as Castagnoli grits his teeth.
With both Hangman and Eddie wanting a piece of the Swiss Superman, a #1 Contender’s match is made to crown the next challenger, the two letting out their inner primal instincts as they savagely tear each other apart over the opportunity they so deeply crave. In typical Page style, the action spills to the outside, though once it leaves the ring, it just doesn’t return, Eddie becoming far too invested in kicking Adam to the curb for humiliating him the week prior. Continuing to fight even after the bell is called for, the only way to pull them off each other is by giving both men the shot, having been ready to kill one another for this match. Though Claudio isn’t all too happy about it, he’s forced to suck it up at Best in the World as the three go to war once more, taking full advantage at the lack of rules. Claudio blasts Eddie with the title to break up a pinfall on Page off a Backfist to the Future, Eddie yanks Page off Castagnoli using the noose after a DeadEye, but a Buckshot Lariat mid-Giant Swing on Kingston turns the champion inside out, Page covering him to complete his chase of becoming World Champion again! The Last Cowboy has saved ROH from BCC’s clutches!
The story is only beginning for Page though as he enters the next chapter of his career as the new Ace of the promotion that built him from the ground up, restoring honour to the place. Wrapping up his BCC feud with a successful defence over Wheeler YUTA at Fyter Fest, he promises to Danielson they’ll settle their score someday, but for the time being, he continues rebuilding ROH under his name, ruling the roost as a fighting champion. Though he soon finds he’s not just content with that label. He wants more. He wants to top his reign as AEW World Champion. And for that, he requires the grandest of opponents. He wants to go Ace to Ace with New Japan’s face. No, not Kazuchika Okada. The man he desires is… Hiroshi Tanahashi. Throughout Adam’s tenure in BULLET CLUB, he found himself on the opposing end of the Ace of the Universe, failing to defeat him on two separate occasions in 2018 when BC was desperately requiring some form of stability. Whilst he may have fallen short then, it’s crucial to him that he proves to the man he so greatly respects that he’s not the person Tanahashi once reprimanded him for being, a much more well-rounded hero of the people now.
Tanahashi himself having been on the search for gold this year, trying his hand at Okada’s IWGP World Heavyweight Championship at Battle in the Valley, he doesn’t shy away from another World Title opportunity, knowing they’re few and far between at his age. Wins for Hiroshi at ROH’s PPVs like against renowned champions of the brand like Daniel Garcia at Supercard of Honor, Dalton Castle at Best in the World, and Samoa Joe at Death Before Dishonor all serve as preparation for the big dance, which Page picks out for ALL IN – the perfect location to display how much he’s truly developed since joining AEW.
The Match:
Making up for his lack of participation at the first ALL IN, Hiroshi Tanahashi has Wembley Stadium in the palm of his hand with his God-like presence, the crowd going ballistic at the sight of the Ace of the Universe making his grand entrance. Bumping fists, kissing babies and strumming his air guitar, he’s doing his best to still be the Tanahashi everyone knows and loves even in his deteriorating age and condition. Meanwhile, Hangman’s doing better than ever currently. 5 years ago, he walked into ALL IN as the fall guy of The Elite, trying to fit in with the rest of his friends that were clearly far more superior than him. Now, he’s perhaps the best of them all with the year he’s been having, the only one of them holding a World Championship. Entering next with ROH’s strap slung over his shoulder, he too receives a raucous ovation, this meeting of fan favourites presenting an interesting dynamic. Despite being the champion, the Cowboy has a chip on his shoulder, adamant to prove he can finally beat Hiroshi in order to truly cement his reign.
And as the bell rings, Page completely zeroes in on the challenger, beckoning him to bring his best as Tanahashi returns a grin. Adam reaches out for a feeling-out lock-up, Hiroshi obliging, though from his body language, it’s clear Tanahashi isn’t yet taking Hangman too seriously, still remembering the kid he fought in 2018. Noticing this, Adam gets fired up, shoving Tanahashi towards the ropes with force and slapping his chest, demanding a proper fight. But as Hiroshi chuckles, PAGE DECKS HIM! Tanahashi hitting the mat, his expression suddenly changes as he sees the true burning passion in Page’s eyes, which seems to fire Hiroshi up too as he pulls himself up to his feet and wipes the saliva away! Smile disappearing, he gestures to Page to bring it, Hangman flying in with an Elbow Smash, but it’s ducked by Tanahashi who now has Adam trapped against the ropes, and without wasting a second, HE WALLOPS HIM WITH A DRAGON SHIKI-HARITE, SLAPPING THE TASTE OUT OF PAGE’S MOUTH! As Page winces, now downed himself, Tanahashi exclaims that if he wants a fight, he’s going to have to keep up then!
Heated, Page comes flying at Hiroshi with elbows that meet their mark this time, before whipping him at the ropes, though Tanahashi comes back with a SLING BLADE to drop the champion! Burying boots into Hangman’s torso, he poses over him, but Hangman trips him up to send his face smacking off the canvas, before mounting him to smash repeated fists into him! Tanahashi kicks him off, but Page goes behind, grabbing the waist for a German Suplex attempt, though Hiroshi escapes the waist-lock, instead planting Page to the canvas with the ALL-OUT, before going to the middle rope, landing the SENTON BOMB! His pinfall attempt is unsuccessful, Page having lots left as he kicks out without much effort at 2, causing Tanahashi to continue his onslaught, picking at Adam’s leg! However, he eats a knee to the nose for his troubles, before catching Tanahashi with a SWINGING NECKBREAKER on the ropes! With the Ace stunned, Page engulfs his face with a Big Boot, before posing over Hiroshi himself, doing a bit of air guitar action back! That catches Hiroshi’s attention, who kicks out Hangman’s legs to drop him to his knees, before doling out the DRAGON SCREW LEG WHIPS! Connecting one in the ropes too, Adam’s body spills out to the apron.
There, Hangman and Hiroshi trade fists, Tanahashi going for the leg again, but he eats a stiff elbow, before Page attempts to Irish Whip Tanahashi at the ring post, but the Once in a Century Talent fights back, countering into a SLING BLADE ON THE APRON! HE FOLLOWS WITH A DRAGON SUPLEX, BOTH MEN BUMPING HARD TO THE FLOOR! As Page nurses his leg, having over-rotated to land awkwardly on it, Tanahashi pushes his agenda, heading to the top rope for a HIGH FLY FLOW TO THE OUTSIDE… HE MISSES, CRASHING AND BURNING!!! PAGE CAPITALISES, HAULING HIM UP FOR A CRACKER BARREL ON THE FLOOR!!! Sliding Tana inside, Hangman gingerly scales to the top, the leg starting to give him some real grief, but all the same steadies himself for a MOONSAULT! Sensing Hiroshi move out the way, Adam lands on his feet instead, but it sends a sharp jolt of pain up the targeted leg, stopping Page in his tracks and allowing Tana to surprise him with a FALL IN LOVE! ONE! TWO! THR-KICK OUT! BUT STRAIGHT INTO THE TEXAS CLOVERLEAF!!!
Playing it very smart against the younger star, Hiroshi ravages his legs, Hangman in a world of agony as he tries to drag himself to the ropes. But with each time he searches for them, Tanahashi repositions them, preventing him from getting any closer, though a burst of energy does allow Adam to eventually find the ropes, albeit legs feeling the burn. Picking Page to his feet, Hiroshi nails some open palm strikes, before going for a TWIST AND SHOUT, but Hangman pushes him free, scoring a DISCUS LARIAT! Slow to follow-up because of the leg, he all the same manages to head to the apron, teasing the BUCKSHOT LARIAT, but as he flips over, it’s the leg that gives him trouble again, unable to complete the move as he crumbles into the ropes! And Tanahashi’s right back over it, dragging Page out the ropes to go for another Dragon Screw, though he’s knocked away by Adam’s other boot! Hangman hopping up on one foot, he counters a High Fly Attack attempt with a SUPERKICK from his other leg, before trying for a GERMAN SUPLEX! Tana fights him off though, dumping him with a GERMAN OF HIS OWN, a TWIST AND SHOUT following!
Page in a bad way, Tana looks to finish him off, heading up top as quickly as those old knees allow him, wanting the HIGH FLY FLOW… HANGMAN KIPS UP ONTO HIS GOOD FOOT AND SCURRIES UP THE ROPES, COUNTERING WITH A MOONSAULT FALLAWAY SLAM!!! Leg roaring in agony, Hangman drags his body over onto Hiroshi’s, making the cover! ONE! TWO! THR-NOOOOOOOO!!! Page slams the mat in frustration, but feeling himself getting close, he tries for a DEADEYE, only for Tana to slip out and counter into STYLES CLASH position, taking a shot at Hangman’s old allegiance! Page’s boots flail in Tana’s face to fight free though, a LARIAT beheading him as Adam finds his feet! Successfully dropping him with a GERMAN this time, Hangman goes for seconds… SLING BLADE FROM TANAHASHI! ANOTHER SLING BLADE! DRAGON SUPLEX! THIS IS HIS CHANCE, HE NEEDS TO LAND THE HIGH FLY FLOW! Tanahashi with his best chance yet to nail his finisher, he soars from the heavens… PAGE GETS THE KNEES UP!!! HE ROLLS HIM INTO THE CRADLE!!! ONE! TWO! THR-TANA STAYS IN IT!!!
Both men pop to their feet, Hiroshi making a rush for the leg through spluttering coughs as Page nurses it from the impact of Tanahashi’s body smacking into it. The Ace of the Universe secures the leg, though as he goes for the Dragon Screw… SUPERKICK FROM PAGE!!! AND ANOTHER!!! A THIRD!!! Tana’s out like a light on his feet, Hangman immediately stumbling back to the apron! Hesitation hits him like a truck, his previous attempt failing miserably, though as he pulls himself together, he redistributes his weight on the flip, landing on his good leg to finally nail the MODIFIED BUCKSHOT LARIAT!!! ONE! TWO! THREE!!! Hangman retains! After an intense, personal fight between former foes, Tanahashi gives the nod to Page, raising his hand to put over the ROH World Champion, cementing Hangman’s rise from the man he once was at ALL IN 1!
“Hangman” Adam Page (c) def. Hiroshi Tanahashi to retain the ROH World Championship
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AEW World Trios Championship: Blackpool Combat Club (Jon Moxley, Claudio Castagnoli, ???) (c) vs Eddie Kingston & Burning (Jun Akiyama & DDT Universal Champion Tetsuya Endo)
The Build:
At Double or Nothing, Blackpool Combat Club smash The Elite to pieces inside Blood & Guts, the dogs of war emerging from hell with the sweet taste of their enemies’ blood on their tongues. Whilst Claudio goes on to continue his feud with Eddie in ROH and Bryan Danielson focuses on his IWGP United States Championship, Jon Moxley declares it’s about time they add more titles to their ranks. Initially stepping up to Kazuchika Okada at Forbidden Door for the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship, a nasty combat with the Rainmaker sees Jon walk out empty-handed. But their chase is far from over just yet. With Claudio now titleless and Bryan taking a tour of Japan, the remaining trio of Mox, Claudio and Wheeler YUTA regroup Stateside, refocusing their attentions on what their initial gold always was together – tag team gold. The Death Rider a master of the format from his Shield days, he immediately gets to directing traffic, BCC stomping out any trio who tries to step to them the same way they did the former World Trios Champions The Elite. Before long, the meeting between BCC and House of Black at Fight For The Fallen is inevitable, seeing Jon’s crew emerge 30 pounds heavier as their hostile takeover of the Trios Division is completed!
BCC are at their best ever yet, all 4 members draped in gold, but in the world of wrestling, peace never lasts for long. After stomping dry The Butcher, The Blade, and Kip Sabian at Quake At The Lake, their celebrations are soon cut short by the familiar ringing of a booming New Yorker accent in their ears, EDDIE KINGSTON marching out! “You think I forgot about you? Nah, we’re only getting started!”. Mic in hand, he runs down the spent BCC, yelling obscenities and speaking his heart out of his immense hatred for the smarmy bunch, loathing every second of teaming with them last year. For the longest time, he convinced himself he was doing this for his brother, Mox, but look how that turned out. Jon stuck a knife in his back when he brought in the world’s worst human being in Castagnoli, KNOWING Eddie and him don’t play nice. That really hurt Eddie, expecting more from his ride or die, but he’s too used to people trying to walk over him to sit around and let it happen. He wants to inject some hurt deep inside BCC’s veins, and he isn’t talking about giving them flu shots up their cracks. He wants to take the Trios Titles like Claudio robbed his chances of winning the ROH World Title!
Mox snarls that just for Eddie, he would’ve been happy to settle this a different way, but since he’s such a fiend for getting humiliated in front of the world over and over again, he’ll give the addict his fix. Except… Kingston doesn’t have any friends other than him. Any he may have once had, his loud mouth and bad attitude burned those bridges. And any he still has ain’t in the mood to get whooped by three of the deadliest men in professional wrestling right now. But the Mad King simply smirks, saying Jon’s downfall is the fact he thinks he’s smarter than he actually is, before pointing to the entranceway. CORE TOOL STARTS PLAYING! That could only mean… BURNING ARE HERE IN AEW! Relying on the DDT partnership, Kingston calls on idol Jun Akiyama and Universal Champion Tetsuya Endo! Burning holding DDT’s Six-Man Tag Team Championships until just recently, they’re hungry for a new set to replace the ones taken from them! BCC are understandably tense, knowing their actions may have just caught up to them with this one, in deep trouble as the trio surround them… BEFORE EDDIE LAUNCHES THE BACKFIST STRAIGHT INTO MOX’S JAW! And all hell breaks loose between the sides, Burning helping Kingston clear the ring of BCC!
Mox and co. don’t take too kindly to Eddie’s actions though, giving him one chance to back down before they massacre everything he loves. Kingston undeterred however, BCC make good on their word, showing up on NJPW STRONG after one of Homicide’s matches to hospitalise Eddie’s close friend with a sickening screwdriver assault, Jon promising Kingston’s mum to be next if he doesn’t get a hold of himself! Unfortunately for them, it was a bad idea giving the King of Diamonds the heads up, Eddie, Akiyama, and Endo lying in wait with barbed wire baseball bats as BCC trespass on Kingston Family territory, the house already evacuated, leaving the six men to bring destruction down upon the property, sending each other through furniture, windows, and most importantly, an Emerald Flowsion to YUTA down the stairs which injures the Young Gun! Screaming “That was for Homicide!” as BCC retreat, for once, Eddie has the upper-hand.
BCC a man down, their defence is put into question, yet they thug it out, declaring they’ll be there at ALL IN to whoop Eddie & Burning back to DDT for the small price of their blood, whether it’s just Mox and Claudio or not. Though as BCC stand confident, the titantron cuts to backstage, where Renee Paquette is found unwinding from a round of interviews on the show. A staffer masked in a balaclava knocks on her door, declaring there’s a special delivery of a bouquet for her. Giddy, Renee opens the door as Mox screams from the ring for her not to, frantically searching for his phone to warn her, only for the staffer to hold up a cracked phone to the camera, wagging his finger. And what greets Paquette is far from what she was expecting, an arrangement of barbed wire in the man’s hands! The camera feed suddenly goes dark as a loud ‘THUD’ sounds, and as Mox panics, a few moments later a new feed sparks up with a Shield-style angle, camera looking up from the floor at the masked figure. Removing the balaclava, there’s a sick look on none other than Eddie’s face, who gestures to a knocked-out Renee with the barbed wire bouquet laying on her chest! Grabbing her hand, which still has her mic loosely gripped in it, Eddie pulls it to his lips. “Don’t worry, she’s fine. But you won’t be. No one threatens my ma and gets away with it, Jon, not even you.” This means war.
The Match:
Once Burning make their respective entrances, it’s time for the big reveal of BCC, Jon Moxley and Claudio Castagnoli stepping out with… CHRIS HERO!!! The newest signee of AEW’s roster, he teams with BCC to defend the Tag Titles against heated nemesis Eddie Kingston and his friends from DDT. As expected, it’s a very vicious war between men that absolutely detest each other, all standing up for their families. But as the story of Eddie Kingston continues to go, it just isn’t his night yet, the Paradigm Shift to Jun Akiyama handing BCC the win! But the story is far from over yet between these sides…
Blackpool Combat Club (c) def. Eddie Kingston & Burning to retain the AEW World Trios Championship
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